


The Journey

by hatoainippon



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Gen, javier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 46,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1398415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatoainippon/pseuds/hatoainippon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuzuru's big move to Canada.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. {1/?} The Big Move.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do son? After we leave we can’t come back for a while…” He didn’t know what he wanted at the point in time. He wanted to improve his skating to bring help to the earthquake victims, but who was he to fulfill his dreams while so many others were suffering? He stayed silent, glancing at the ground then back at his mom. “Yuzuru…I need an answer. Is this what you want? Is it really what you want?” He’s had a little over a month to make a decision and each time he did, he’d change his mind. His mom was slowly growing impatient while she stared at her emotionless son.

“I don’t want to leave them…I can’t leave them but they need my help…It’s the only way I know how to help them…I don’t know what to do…I feel like I’m betraying them simply because I’m considering leaving them…what if I’m not successful mom? What if I fail? It’ll all have been for nothing and I would have betrayed my country…It’s a lot to think about mom…” She sighed. Her son was clearly too focused on how others would perceive his decision, rather than choosing what he wanted to do. “Yuzuru I’m going to ask you this and I want a truthful answer…” The young boy’s watery eyes met his mother’s in a sad gaze. “What do YOU want to do? Forget everyone else…what choice do you think would benefit you?” Yuzuru looked away as a tear slid down his rosy cheeks. “Saya hates me because she can’t continue skating and I can…it isn’t fair for her… Besides, my skating is seriously lacking in so many crucial areas and I need proper training… I did all those ice shows to get the training in Canada…I know Coach Orser can help me improve tremendously…maybe even help me win medals at Sochi…but I feel like such a traitor…I’m torn between the two. Do I leave for Canada and focus on myself and training, or do I stay here and give up skating to join the others in suffering…I don’t see why I’m being so blessed… who am I to just leave? I’m no one special…I just don’t know mommy…”

This is the conversation they had many times that week. It was a trying time for young Yuzuru. Eventually, he had to make a choice.

“Son…today’s the last day you have to make a decision…I’ll call Mr. Orser, give you the phone, and walk out. You tell him what you decide and no matter what I will still love you.” Yuzuru nodded and took the phone that was handed to him. 

“Yuzu! It’s good to hear from you. Have you made your decision?” Yuzuru bit his lip harshly, forcing back the tears that so desperately wanted to escape. “M-Mr. Orser… I—…” Damn it. The words refused to come out. “I understand how hard of a choice this is, but I really need to know what you’re going to decide.” Yuzuru nodded and took a deep breath. “I decided to joining you in…in…C-…” He brought his left hand up and clasped it over his mouth as a choked sob escaped. “Yuzu? Are you there?” Brian’s voice was warm and worrisome. Yuzuru’s right hand tightly clenched onto the phone, pressing it harshly against his ear. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to suppress the hot tears. This whole time he’d been holding his breath, so when he let out a loud gasp, Brian jumped. “Are you crying Yuzuru?” He shook his head quickly and managed to choke out “give me a minute.”

He set the phone down on the coffee table and pushed himself up to stand. “Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry…” He tried to think of the happiest moments of his life. After doing so, he’d calmed down and picked up the phone. “I’m going to joining you in Canada, if you’ll having me.” Brian smiled widely at the other end of the phone. “We’d be glad to have you. I’ll email you the contract and all other information needed. Luckily, you’re allowed to fly internationally so it won’t take long for you to become a temporary resident.” The words were going too fast for Yuzuru, but he simply said “okay.”

☀

“Are you sure you’ve packed everything you need? Are we missing anything?” Yuzuru was beginning to get annoyed with the fact that all his mom would discuss with him is the move. “Yes mother, I’ve made sure I have everything…” She noticed the look on her son’s face and suddenly felt guilty. “Let’s say bye to your father and sister, then say goodbye to the rink? We’ve got plenty of time before our flight.” He nodded and watched as his dad grabbed his 4 suit cases. “Dad…” Yuzuru mumbled as he trotted behind his father. “I’m going to miss you dad… I promise to keep in touch o-okay?” Yuzuru’s father wrapped his arms around his son. “I’m so proud…so so proud…” He mumbled into Yuzu’s head. “We raised you properly…you’re only 17 and you’re proving that you’re mature and can make life changing decisions…This will be a great experience for you so don’t cry yourself to sleep anymore okay? I love you and I’m rooting for you.” His father’s words warmed his heart and he simply backed away to bow the full 90 degrees, symbolizing gratitude and the utmost respect.

“Make sure to look after your mother…Now go and say goodbye to Saya…I’ll finish loading the car…” The young boy nodded and walked back into the apartment, and to his surprise, Saya was standing there, tears in her eyes. “Yuzuru…I thought you’d left without telling me!” She ran to her younger brother and gave him a tight embrace. Yuzu was in shock, hands hesitantly wrapping around his sister’s waist. “Go kick ass over in Canada okay? I’m proud of you…but don’t forget your sister okay…? I’ll always be here for you…waiting.” Yuzuru nodded called his mom out. “Mommy, we’re not going to make it if we don’t leave now!”

☀

The car ride to the rink was silent, and it allowed Yuzu to think of what he’d say to everyone he was leaving behind at the rink. His dad parked out front and told him not to spend too much time at the rink. He nodded and walked into the building alone. “Ms. Nanami…? I’m here…” She looked up at her young skater and nodded. “I know you’ll do great Yuzuru…don’t you feel guilty. Be proud that you received this opportunity…Everyone gather around! Yuzuru will say a few words before he leaves for Canada.” All the kids gathered around where he and Nanami stood. Their innocent little eyes were like daggers piercing his beating heart.

“As you know…I’ll be leaving to Canada today… and I wanted to come to my first home to say good—to say see you later… I’m not gone forever…I will come back. I promise you I’m not being selfish. I’m going to Canada in order to improve myself, and win medals…with the money I receive I promise to donate all of it to the victims of the disaster…please don’t forget me as I will keep each of you in my heart everyday…I will skate my hardest and work like never before… See you later…” He bows again, and all the kids cheer for him.

After he shook each of the skater’s hands, they returned to what they were doing before. The staff members wished Yuzuru good luck and said they hoped to see him win the gold in Sochi. “One last time…I will touch the ice…” He said to himself as he walked to the entrance of the actual rink. He bowed before it and glided his fingers over the cold ice. The ice wasn’t warm and welcoming like he remembered. Even the ice seemed to be upset with Yuzuru for leaving, and the thought of it came crashing down and hit him hard. He ran out of the ice rink and across the street into the skate shop. He wept and wept and wept.

15 minutes had passed and he had to return to the car or else he’d miss his flight. He composed himself and walked to his dad’s car. “How was it?” His father asked. “It was okay…” He mumbled in reply, hands quickly wiping the moisture from his face.

☀


	2. {2/?} Day 1 in Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {A/N: An apostrophe is used when explaining Yuzu’s thoughts. A quotation mark is used when he actually speaks. Italics when he speaks Japanese, regular when English.}

“Yuzuru I’m sorry you had to leave everything behind but make this worth it and you won’t regret it alright? Think long term…” Yuzuru couldn’t think about anything else than him being a traitor. ‘I should be arrested for treason…’ He thought while his mother continued to speak.

They were waiting in Brian’s office at the skating club. It had only been a couple hours since they landed and skating is one thing that Yuzuru did not want to do—for that moment at least. “I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m late we had some last minute preparations do take care of!” Brian shouted as he burst through the door. ‘How loud…’ Both he and his mother stood up to bow at their soon-to-be new coach. “I’ve got the contract and apartment ready for you both.” They returned to their seats while Brian sat at his computer chair. Brian took a folder and handed it to Yuzuru’s mother. “Inside is the contract that needs signing. There are a few rules that Yuzuru must follow, but that’s common sense.” Brian offered a heartwarming smile to the seemingly depressed family.

His mom’s eyes scanned over the contract and signed where needed signing. “I’ve already set up his schooling and therapy sessions. His schedule has been arranged.” His mom alerted Brian as to which he replied. “Oh, good! That means you can start on Monday.” Yuzuru stared at his mother in shock. “You said I could go to online school! This isn’t fair!” In reply, his mother shot him a glare, to which he piped down. “Is everything alright…?” Brian was confused, seeing that they weren’t speaking in English. Yuzuru simply nodded and signed the contract with half a heart.

Just like that, he signed away his life.

☀

{ http://www.condoinvancouver.ca/v1052995-604-1616-columbia-st - The apartment}

“Don’t you like it? We can set up the photos of Saya over there…oh we can even decorate the fridge with those Japanese magnets I bought!” The boy gave a shrug of his shoulders and set his bag down. “Yuzuru I’m really trying here…” He didn’t want to hear any of it. He just wanted to be back at home. He felt horrible. “If you’re going to continue acting like a little brat, then I’m going to buy a plane ticket back to Japan and you can stay here by yourself. You’re being highly disrespectful and ungrateful. Many people would’ve killed to be a pupil of Orser’s and instead of being eager to learn and succeed; you’re sulking and being cold. I won’t have it Yuzuru, I will not.” She stood there, waiting for some type of reply from her son but he said nothing. He simply stared at the ground, lost in thought. He wasn’t thinking of anything in particular, but he was thinking of everything. “I’m so ashamed of you Yuzuru Hanyu. I’m ashamed to call myself your mother. I was under the impression that I raised a well-rounded son. I’m going to grab my things and leave--” “Mom can you please stop! I’m trying my best too! I am beginning to regret my decision! I’m going to get made fun of at school! I don’t feel comfortable! I feel like a fugitive running from Japan and an intruder invading Canada! You never asked what I wanted to do about school! I begged you to let me go to online school and you went behind my back! This isn’t what we agreed on!” His mom stood there, feeling insulted and disrespected. “You think I like that I left my husband and daughter back home?! I’m not! I don’t like it here either but I’m doing this for you! I’m trying to be supportive and you’re throwing it back in my face! How dare you! Go to your room right now young man!”

Yuzuru had already started to cry. He never fought with his mom where yelling was involved. It was a very stressful time for them both and Yuzuru was being a teenager. He didn’t mean to make his mother feel so horrible. He’s usually the good son that she’s so proud of.

He gently stood, bowed, then walked to a door. When he opened it to go inside, he realized that it was the door to the laundry room. Yuzuru slowly closed the door and went to the room next to it, claiming that as his bedroom.

He spent his time getting his room in order, decorating it to be somewhat similar to his room in Japan. Of course, it didn’t feel the same. Nowhere near it.

☀

It was around 8 PM when Yuzuru’s mother called him to dinner. “I’ve ordered take out for us since we’ve no ingredients here yet.” He nodded and picked up a slice of pizza, biting into it instantly. The warm taste of the melted cheese against his pallet caused him to let out a soft hum. One thing he did like about the western world was their food. “I’ve printed out your schedule for you. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays you have school from 7 AM to 13 PM. Afterwards, you have technique class from 15 PM to 16 PM. From 16:30 to 18:30 you have physical therapy. From 18:30 to 22:00 you have skate practice.” Yuzuru nodded in agreement, swaying from side to side. He was enjoying this slice of pizza. “On Tuesdays and Thursdays you have school from 7 AM to 12 PM, and then you have ballet class from 14:00 to 16:00. 16:00 to 18:00 you have to meet with your psychologist. 18:00 to 22:00 you have skate practice. Saturdays you have a free day to catch up to homework. Studying is mandatory. Sunday you have skate from 12 to 16:00.” Yuzuru shook his head quickly and wiped off the grease from his mouth. “Wait—why do I have to meet with a psychologist?” His mother sighed. “I know you’ve been struggling with confidence and with your appearance…” Yuzuru’s gaze traveled to the ground and remained there. “A big chunk of skating has to do with mental strength and Yuzu sweety…mommy knows everything. Mommy knows why you’ve stopped eating…why you’ve been hurting yourself…How you hate yourself…mommy knows and she’s going to help you.” How did she find that out? He could’ve sworn he covered all his tracks. He never once allowed his family to think that anything was wrong, besides the whole moving dilemma. Suddenly, Yuzuru wasn’t hungry anymore. The pizza slice had become ice cold in his hand and he set it down.

“I don’t need a doctor. I’m perfectly fine on my own. Have faith in me.” Mrs. Hanyu shook her head and sighed again, this time shakily. “Sweety…I’ve tried believing that…but clearly it isn’t working. I can’t have faith in you if you don’t have any within yourself. The psychologist will help you…they have all sorts of medication you can take to help you--” “Mom I seriously don’t want to discuss this…I’ll go if it makes you happy.” The sad Yuzuru mumbled softly, not wanting to hurt his mother even more. “Yuzuru this can’t stay in the dark anymore…I know that you hate yourself because of what happened with Daisuke… I know you’re questioning your life, I know this but at least allow me to help you…” His mom didn’t agree with Yuzuru being curious in the opposite sex, but she knew it was a teenage phase. It’s what she hoped it was. After all, she wanted grandchildren.

“How do you even find out about these things? Have you been stalking me?” He was in serious shock. His mom was definitely not supposed to find out about what happened with Daisuke. “No! I just know these things Yuzuru, please try to understand.” The 17 year old backed away from the table after he pushed his plate away. “May I be excused? I’ve had enough for one day…” She simply waved him off and got up to do the dishes.

With a shaky sigh, Yuzuru sat on his bed. The fact that his mom found out seriously troubled him. How many other knew about it? ‘I guess I’m not as sly as I thought.’ Suddenly, he felt the urge to call Daisuke. Luckily, it was early in the morning for Japan. He rummaged through his night stand and pulled out his phone.

“Daisuke, Daisuke…” He muttered as he scrolled past the list of contacts. He hesitantly tapped on the call option and pressed the phone to his ear. One ring…two rings…would he pick up? Why isn’t he answering? What if he’s busy? What if I’m interrupting him? Oh no! what if—“Hello?” His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a voice on the other end.

“Dai…oh it’s so good to hear your voice…” There was a long pause on Daisuke’s end before he responded. “Who is this?” Yuzuru’s heart sank to the ground as his vision blurred with salty tears. ‘How could he not remember my voice?’ Yuzuru thought to himself. “Uh…it’s me Yuzuru…” “Ahh…the kid…right. What do you want?” “I called to say I miss you…I miss home…Canada sucks and I need someone to talk to besides my mom…” An irritated sigh left Daisuke’s lips. “Yuzuru, this isn’t a suicide hotline. I’ve got more important things to do right now. Go call up one of your kid friends and discuss your major struggles with them. Just because you got offered to go to Canada doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t have to train.” Yuzuru shook his head. No, that wasn’t what he meant at all! “Dai! It isn’t like that! Please...I really need you. I’ve got no one else that I trust…Please understand, please don’t hang up…please…” His voice cracked mid-sentence, the familiar tears pouring down his face. “Yuzuru, it’s long been over. You insist on clinging to the past and that’s why you continue to get hurt. Don’t call my number anymore. Pretty soon you’ll be too good to even remember my name.” “Dai please! I need you! Please don’t do this to me! Please don’t leave me alone like this! I need you so much right now! Please forget what happened, I’m so sorry! I would take it all back if I could Dai! I loved you! I really, really did!” He gasped for breath as his hand had been clawing at his exposed thigh. He’d been shouting into the phone, completely forgetting that his mom was right next door. “Dai please don’t leave me too! Don’t leave me don’t leave me! Do--” Click. Daisuke hung up right in Yuzu’s face. “No!! No, Daisuke!!” He dialed the number again frantically, only to receive the same message several times. “We’re sorry for the inconvenience, but the number you’ve dialed is not accepting calls from your number.” The young boy shook his head and started to scream the words “no, please come back”. He was panting, coughing, and sobbing all at once. Eventually, his mother walked in. “Give me the phone Yuzuru…” “No! He might call me back please!!” His mother would not budge and took the phone from his hand. “Yuzuru stop crying before you get an attack…please.” The tears wouldn’t stop. The screams wouldn’t stop.

Somehow, she managed to get him to calm down some. “Life is like this son…you have to go through times like this in order to prosper…I love you and together, you’ll show the world that you deserve all that’s good. “I’m being punished for my feelings! I know I am! I’m sorry!!” “Yuzu, no one is punishing you…” She stroked his head while he sobbed into her shoulder.

Midnight.

Yuzuru had fallen asleep while crying on his mom’s shoulder. She tucked him in after drying his tears and pecked his forehead. The way her son was feeling broke her heart. But she had to be strong for the both of them. She had to.

☀


	3. {3/?} Meeting Others.

Waking up the next morning was the ultimate struggle for poor Hanyu. He had cried himself out to the point of passing out the night before. The feeling of dried tears on his cheek caused him to scratch at it quite harshly. “Yuzu…you must wake up for school today…” He only curled up in response. He didn’t want to go. He hated Canada so far and could only think of his hometown. “I refuse to let you miss your first day of school Yuzuru. Wake up right this instant.” She stepped away from the door and Yuzuru knew that she meant business. He wouldn’t dare disobey her so the boy quickly pushed himself out of the bed.

He looked around the room that only further reminded him that he was not welcomed there. Yuzuru puffed his cheeks and opened the door that lead to his own bathroom. “I don’t like this…” Yuzuru mumbles, hand swatting until it flips the switch that turns on the lights. He performed his daily morning routine which consisted of brushing his teeth, gargling mouth wash, washing his face, peeing, and applying the smallest amount of makeup. He always bathed at night simply because the ambiance of the warm bath left by his mother after skate practice enticed him. He loved the way the water embraces every crevice of his body. He loved how the steam opened up his airways. He loved the scent of the bubble bath his mom would put. He loved the way his aching, tense muscles relaxed after being in the water for so long. He loved the small candles that dimly lit the room. That’s what he looked forward to every day after coming home from skate practice. He did not know if things would continue to be the same after the big move.

☀

“Here’s your uniform and shoes. Mr. Orser dropped off some supplies and a bag for you. I’ve set those by the door. I’ve ironed your clothes so don’t worry about that. I’ve also left a little money in there for lunch and snacks if you get hungry. Now, Mr. Orser will pick you up in 30 minutes. Let’s have a good day yes?” His moms smile was deceiving because her usually warm eyes seemed stricken with worry. To avoid another argument, Yuzuru simply bowed to his mother and got dressed.

“Baby I know you don’t like breakfast…but I snuck some yogurt cereal and a protein shake into your bag okay? Be sure to eat it on the way.” Yuzuru turned to face his mom with a small smile on his face. “Hai…I’m going now mother…Have a good day and don’t worry about your son…I love you.” She walked over to him and offered him a hug. “Please try to enjoy it…” Yuzuru made no promises. He pecked her cheek before walking out of the apartment and down to the elevator.

☀

“Mornin Yuzu!”Brian waved as Yuzuru entered the front seat. “Good morning Mr. Orser.” Once he buckled his belt and closed his door, he gave a bow of his head. As the car drove off, Brian spared Yuzu a glance every so often. “Listen…I know this is extremely tough for you and I want you to enjoy this experience. Try to make friends will you? Don’t push people away because you’re scared. You can form amazing bonds with people you never even imagined.” Yuzuru nodded, trying to grasp and analyze ever word as his new coach spoke. The words were fast and confusing, but he grasped the main ideas. “I just…don’t…euh…” The boy sighed in frustration. The words refused to come out. His coach encouraged him to continue his attempt. “Go ahead Yuzu, please don’t be ashamed. If you try you can only get better.”

Yuzuru took this advice and nodded. Before he spoke, he took a long pause to analyze what he wanted to say, and dipped his head to the right. “Well…firstly I want to…uh…thanks to you? For the eh…schooling er..pencils and--” “You mean the supplies?” Yuzuru gasped as brian had successfully guessed what he was trying to day. “Hai! How did I forget that…” Brian shot Yuzu a confused glance. “Ah uhm…thank you for the supplies! But-- I just… don’t wanting b-..bu-lly? Bully? I don’t wanting that thing, so…” Brian soon understood Yuzuru’s biggest insecurity. “All I can say for that is to not let it get to you. If someone bullies you, report to the principal as soon as you can. Kids will tease and be jealous. You’ve just got to be strong hm?” He pulled up into the roundabout where all parents dropped their kids off. “Goodbye Mr. Orser! Thank you…” He bowed before grabbing his things.

The car drove off and Yuzuru was left standing there, eyeing the school. “Ah…I’m going to lose my mind…”

☀

After he received his schedule, he was forced to search for his classes on his own. Unfortunately for him they had already begun. He stood before the door and knocked twice, waiting for someone to answer it. A woman of about 5’8” walked towards the door and opened it. There was an awkward silence. “Uhm? Who are you?” Yuzuru took a deep breath before smiling. “Hello! I’m Yuzuru Hanyu! I’m new uh here and—“ His eyes glanced towards the printed paper in his hand. “Are you Mrs. Koishiner(Koshner)Uh.. Koishiner…?” The woman rolled her eyes and pulled the door open wider for him to step in. “Class we have a new student from Japan. His name is Yuzura Hanyu.” Yuzu stood in front of the room and bowed 90 degrees, then remained there for quite some time. The kids in the class started to snicker and make comments about his abstract mannerisms.

“You can take a seat next to Patrick.” Yuzuru’s eyes widened and he smiled a bit when he scanned the crowd for Patrick’s face. He quickly waddled over after spotting Chan’s face and took his seat. “Psst..Patrick…” Patrick made no effort to acknowledge the other. “Psst…psst…” With an annoyed glanced, he turned to look at Yuzu. “Hello!” The younger waved and smiled quite hard. “Oh, Yuzu…hey! I didn’t know you’d be coming to this school.” A few students hushed him, to which he rolled his eyes. It was clear that Patrick couldn’t continue with their conversation, so Yuzuru took his notebook out and tried to follow along with the rest of the class.

☀

“His haircut is so weird…” One girl said while passing by Yuzuru in the hallway. Suddenly, his hand flew up to his hair and attempted to fix it the best he could. It was obvious that he didn’t like it much either. The only one that seemed to welcome Yuzuru was Patrick. But before he was able to continue talking, Patrick had left class. It was so odd how Patrick walked away befor Yuzu even got to utter a word. "Maybe the articles are right...maybe he does hate me..."  
☀

Lunch had rolled around and Yuzuru was highly unaccustomed to the way things worked. Kids grabbed their trays and stood in a long line for lunch while in Japan; there was an open table with set food plates that you could choose from. He stood in line, swaying slightly to distract himself. “I heard that he got deported from Japan for something serious…” One guy in front of him mumbled. “No way. He totally fled because of a past relationship.” Another one said. “Nu-uh! From what I know, he ditched his coach to mooch off of Orser and steal the gold from Canada! He’s a traitor and a thief.” They all seemed so certain about the lies they were telling each other, but none of it was true.

With a shaky sigh, Yuzu moved up in line and grabbed a carton of milk, a packaged turkey sandwich, and some fruit. He looked around the vast cafeteria before finally deciding to sit at an empty spot. “Hey Hanyu!” Yuzuru jumped at the abrupt sound. He had been observing the Canadian students, following what they did. “Patrick! You scared me…” Patrick gave Yuzu that familiar cheeky smile and took a seat beside him, placing his own tray before him. “These are my friends Kevin, Liam, and Kaetlyn.” Yuzuru bowed at them each and simply waved back.

“Why’re you eating alone, Hanyu?” Patrick had already started. “Uhm…” Yuzuru pursed his lips in thought. “I haven’t making friends yet…so…” “Ah but you’re a lovely guy. You’ll make friends fast. See you’ve already got 3?” Yuzuru’s features brightened a little. “Really…? I didn’t thinking that you’d be my friends…” He admitted softly, taking another bite of his food. “Well why not Yuzu?” Yuzuru’s eyes suddenly grew sad. “I read articles…saying Patrick Chan doesn’t like Yuzuru…it feels to be true…”

Patrick’s eyebrows furrowed. “No…that’s not true. I do like you Hanyu and I’d love to be friends. In fact…why don’t you come over afterschool?” Yuzuru was about to say yes but he immediately remembered his schedule. “I can only for 2 hour…” Patrick nodded, not minding at all. “Hurry and finish your lunch so we can get going. We’re allowed to leave after lunch it’s like 12:45.” Yuzuru smiled and finished off his lunch.

☀

The walk to Pat’s house wasn’t too long. They chatted about nonsensical things on their way there. “I’m sorry my house is such a mess. I’m in the process of moving out.” Hanyu chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not minding~” They stared at each other for a long while, and it felt as though they were the only two on the planet at that moment. “I…” Patrick broke the silence. “My room is in here…follow me please.” Yuzuru nodded once again and followed Patrick into his bedroom.

It was dirty and clothes were all over the place. “Ah shit…way to make a good impression Patrick…” The Canadian mumbled to himself, causing the younger to let out an unmanly giggle. Patrick blushed at the sound that escaped Yuzuru and flopped onto his bed.

“You are house is much bigger than mine!” Patrick hummed and closed his eyes, leaving the boy to wander around the room. “Seems to be more like home-style…where I live…is really cold and hard…” Patrick tried his best to understand what Yuzuru meant. “Come sit…” The elder patted the spot beside him and of course, Yuzuru moved to sit.

“You seem sad…and I know the cure to sadness Yuzu.” Yuzuru looked down at Patrick, waiting for an answer. “The cure is cuddles Yuzuru. Just cuddle and everything will be alright.” Yuzuru nodded, despite not understanding anything. “I can show you what cuddling is if you want me to…” The Japanese boy nodded. It couldn’t hurt to learn new terms could it?

Patrick’s arms pulled Yuzuru to lie down, facing him of course, chest pressing against Yuzuru’s. He took this opportunity to wrap his limbs around Yuzu as tightly as possible, and then inhaled his sweet scent. Yuzuru’s face was a literal hot mess. He was blushing beyond belief and couldn’t stop smiling for the sake of anything. “You’ve never cuddled anyone before?” Yuzuru closed his eyes and nodded.  
He immediately thought of how he and Daisuke would cuddle all night long. “Have…in Nippon.” Patrick chuckled and shook his head. “Cuddling is the same no matter what country you’re in silly!” Yuzuru hesitantly hid his face in Patrick’s neck. “I know…” He mumbled. “I just…don’t have anyone as friend to me…”

Patrick pressed a kiss to Yuzuru’s forehead. Almost immediately, Yuzuru felt that somehow things would be okay. He felt safe in Patrick’s arms. He felt the same sense of security that he used to feel whenever Daisuke held him. But that was over now. Patrick had fallen asleep, yet his grip on Yuzu never loosened. “Pat…It’s 14:10 I have to go to class…” Patrick groaned groggily and only hugged Yuzuru tighter, refusing to let go. “Please…I really like…but I have to going…” Just then, Patrick began to snore. Yuzuru let out another high pitched giggle and somehow managed to slip from Patrick’s embrace. “I’ll leave him a note.” He muttered while grabbing the post it pads from Pat’s desk.

{ Dear Patty!

Sorry I had left; have practice. Was fun! See you tomorrow!

♥ Hanyu }

Yuzuru peeled off the pad and posted it right onto Patrick’s forehead before leaving his home.

☀

“Yuzu! It’s your first official day as my student.” Orser shouted as Yuzuru glided onto the ice with a smile. “I’m happy to skate forevermore!” “That’s the spirit.” They high fived each other. “I want you to meet someone that I’m training. This is Javier. He’s like you and traveled from his home countries to train. I hope you two can get along. Let’s start off by skating 5 laps for warm up.” Brian waved them off.

“Hi, I’m Yuzuru…” Javier chuckled. “I know that you silly goose.” His accent was thick, but his English was understandable. “Race?” Yuzuru suggested while getting in take-off position. Javi did the same and counted backwards from 3. “3…2…1!” They both headed off, skating around the ice five times. By the time they finished, Javier barely broke a sweat and Yuzuru was panting up a storm. He couldn’t breathe due to his asthma. His chest was getting tighter by the second and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He felt the blood rushing to his limbs and it became too much. His breaths became more and more shallow. “Oh no! Oh no why now!? Why the first day?!”He shouted.

His hand flew up to his tightening chest, his knees giving out and he collapses to the ground. He’s still panting and wheezing on the floor. ‘Is no one going to help me? I can’t breathe!’ He started to feel lightheaded and dazed as his brain started losing consciousness. Suddenly, a pair of firm arms wrapped around him and pulled him off the ice. He was handed his pooh designed inhaler and was able to take a few deep breaths with it.

Everyone was on their toes, dying to know what happened. “I heard his asthma is horrible…” “No I think he’s just weak…” “He’s way out of his league here…if he can’t even skate 5 laps why is he here?” Those where the whispers that Yuzu was able to hear. Brian shooed them all away and took the mask and oxygen tank that Javi finally found.

He placed the tank on the ground and put the mask on Yuzu’s face, then turned the machine on. “You’ll sit today’s practice out…” Brian got up and skated to his other star pupils. Yuzu was embarrassed and ashamed—the fact that Javier didn’t leave his side didn’t help either. “You really scared me Yuzuru…next time don’t race okay…?” Yuzuru looked away while nodding. “Look…you’re obviously tired so lemme drive you home?”He’d love to be asleep right now.

Yuzu took Javi’s hand and exited the rink with him.

☀

The car ride was dead silent. All the was heard occasionally were Yuzu’s short gasps for breath, then the oxygen tank’s pressure dropping. “Your asthma is really that bad?” Javier finally asked, to which Yuzu nodded. “Hai…I guess so.”

Javi’s car pulled into Yuzu’s driveway and they said their goodnights and of course Yuzu thanked him, as well as apologized. “Don’t worry about it. Hopefully we’ll see again tomorrow1” Yuzuru smiled and walked into his apartment complex.

☀

His mother was asleep on the couch and he smiled. She was sacrificing so much just for him. He took the blanket from the sofa and covered her up. He leaned in and pecked her cheek. “Aishiteru…arigatou gozaimasu…” He smiled and walked to his room, then into the bathroom. He had already taken off his clothes and oxygen mask/tank. To his surpirise, a warm bath awaited him. He smiled slightly, tears brimming in his eyes. “This might not be so bad after all…” He dipped his body into the hot water and closed his eyes.

Finally; some serenity.

☀


	4. {4/?} Breakdown.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Yuzuru undergoes a horrible breakdown.

Yuzuru didn’t sleep much that night. He had too much on his mind to do so. He messed up on his first day of training, he didn’t feel so comfortable at school, nor was his English anywhere near where it needed to be. He’s up earlier than usual, so he takes that time to finish arranging things in his room. He reorganizes a few things to try to make the room “cozier.” But nothing seems to work.   
“Yuzuru?” His mom calls out softly as she knocks on his bedroom door. “Hai, come in.” The short woman enters the room and looks around. She notices the changes and figured that her son was struggling to feel comfortable. Unfortunately, that isn’t the reason she’s in his room right now. “What’s this I hear about you having an asthma attack?” ‘Damn it, how did she find out? Did coach call her before he got home? But she was asleep on the couch, that can’t be right…’ Yuzuru’s eyes are scanning left and right, not even remembering to answer the question. “Hello?” He snaps out of it. “It wasn’t an attack, mother…I was just really tired. I’m still not used to Canada yet. Please have patience with me.” She lets out a humorless chuckle. “I wasn’t born yesterday. I know when you’re lying to me. You’re letting stress affect your body and its beginning to get in the way of your training. How can you screw up on the first day? You were assigned laps Yuzuru. Laps!” He already feels horrible and his mother isn’t helping the situation. “Well, then…” He starts. “I’m sorry that I continue to be such a disappointment to you. I’m not perfect and I try my best to be but I can’t be perfect all the time. I’m sorry I’m not the son that you wanted. I’m sorry I’m not masculine and bulky. I’m sorry that you had to move all the way out here just for a disappointment. I’m sorry I’m not into contact sports and wanted to leave school to perfect my skating. I’m sorry that I haven’t brought a nice girl home to you. I’m sorry that I possibly like guys and that ruins the chance of you having grandchildren. I’m sorry that I let Daisuke take my innocence. I’m sorry for breathing, and I’m sorry for living. I really am. I was supposed to die in that earthquake…I shouldn’t have ran out of the rink. I should’ve died there. I’m sorry I didn’t die that day.” He finally stops himself and takes a deep breath. It takes everything inside of him to reveal all of that to his mom, but he finally does it. 

Mrs. Hanyu is left unable to reply. She simply stares at her son in utmost shock. She knows that Yuzuru has a few issues, but she never thought that it’d get to be this bad. “Make sure you grab your lunch…and don’t forget about your therapy session after school.” That’s all she says before she walks out. Yuzuru is left alone to let his loud thoughts consume him. His eyes fall onto his Pooh bear plushie and he smiles sadly. 

Flashback: After a competition in Japan, Yuzuru and Daisuke are backstage. “Yuzuru on behalf of your win, I’ve bought you a small gift.” Yuzuru’s arms tightened around his boyfriend’s waist, head resting on Dai’s shoulder. “Is it cuddles? I really like cuddles.” Dai laughs and shakes his head. “No, silly. Close your eyes.” The excited teen does as he’s told and closed his eyes. He felt Dai move off the bed, and felt him return. “You may open them now.” The younger’s eyes flew open and they fell onto something. “Your tissue boxes are boring so…I bought you pooh bear.” Yuzuru’s eyes disappeared behind his crescent eye shape and he reached to grab the tissue box. “Do you like it…?” Daisuke chewed on his lower lip nervously. “I love it baby! Thank you so much!” Daisuke took out his camera phone and told Yuzu to smile for the picture, and he did. {http://31.media.tumblr.com/928036b682eb6e2d17f522bd05fe0303/tumblr_n24vlvwmn81t42iyio4_500.jpg}.   
“I’m setting this as my wallpaper!” He chuckled. “There…now you can take this tissue box wherever you go…and if I’m not there, you can think of me. Through that pooh, I’ll be with you wherever you are as long as you bring him, and you’ll never have to be alone ever again. I’ll never leave you Yuzuru, I’ll always love you.” The tears continued to pool in the young boy’s eyes so he couldn’t help but to kiss his boyfriend in gratitude.

End of Flashback.

“I love you too…” He murmurs before walking off to get dressed. 

☀

“Class, class settle down.” The morning class was very rowdy and the conversations refuse to cease. This annoys Yuzuru because he actually wants to learn today. After she takes attendance, Mrs. Koshner stands before the class. “Who here knows about Shakespeare?” Everyone raises their hand. ‘Who doesn’t know about Shakespeare?’ “Good, since you all know him so well, I’ll call you one by one to write down a name of one of his pieces on the board. And also, let’s refrain from picking the most basic, boring play that comes to mind.” Her eyes scan around for the perfect target. “Yuzura, you’ll go first.” Yuzuru wasn’t even sure of what to do so he hesitantly stands, then makes his way to the board. He lifts the marker and slowly writes out “Romeo + Juliet”. Mrs. Koshner gives out an exasperated sigh and rolls her eyes. When he moves away from the board, the kids look at him and snicker. “How gay, that’s the name of his short program so of course it’s the only play he knows. He knows nothing about the English culture, so why is he in an advanced class?” Mrs. Koshner gives a shrug of her shoulders. “To be honest, I’m utterly baffled myself as to how he got into this school, let alone this class.” Yuzuru just stands there, not knowing how to respond, or if to say anything at all so he remains silent. “I clearly said no to pick the most generic play, Yuzura.” Yuzuru feels her unhappy tone and quickly looks down. He’s embarrassed and the kids are still laughing at him. “Go sit.” She commands, as to which Yuzuru complies willingly.   
“Anyone else wanna come up and write a name?” Everyone looks in every direction, except for the direction of their teacher. “Fine, since I’m clearly not useful to you rug rats, I’ll assign a project that’s due tomorrow. You’ll come up to the class and present a 3 minute lecture on the story of Romeo + Juliet. You must summarize the story, discuss your favorite character(s), and explain what you think the message of the story is and how it relates to an event in your life. You may go over the 3 minute minimum, but if those 4 things aren’t in your lecture, expect a very low mark.” The bell rings, dismissing the class. “See you tomorrow.” The class starts to leave while Yuzuru quickly tries to translate what Mrs. Koshner said to Japanese. “Summary, favorite characters, message of story, and relation to a life event. There~!” He slams his notebook shut and quickly packs away his things, then joins the other kids in the busy hall.

☀

“Welcome to advanced physics! You fine students are cream of the crop. You’re my favorite class and we’ll have tons of fun this year.” The teacher walks to the front of his class and smiles. “I’m Mr. Matsumoto and physics is my lively-hood. Each of you will stand, say your name, and state a hobby.” The students began standing and reciting what they have been told to. Then, came Yuzuru’s turn. He stands and takes a shaky breath. “I’m…I am Yuzuru…H-Hanyu… and I enjoy…to skating.” He quickly sits down again and hides his face as he hears giggles coming from the girls sitting behind him. “Ah, Yuzuru. Anata wa Nihon kara kita no? (Are you from Japan?)” Yuzuru smiles brightly as he nods. “Hai, watashi wa Sendai de umareta! (Yes, I’m from Sendai!)” The teacher gives him a thumb up while the class looks up in confusion. “I apologize for the interruption. Let’s continue.” A familiar face stands and Yuzuru smiles at him. “I’m Ryuju Hino and I enjoy figure skating.” And finally, the last student stands. “Hello! My name’s Michael Christian Martinez and I take pride in figure skating.” Yuzuru feels so worthless because all of their English is better than his. He needs to work on it.   
“Let’s start off with a warm up review.” Mr. Matsumoto walks up to the board and starts to write a few equations out. Yuzuru knows how to answer them all. The teacher turns around and smiles at Yuzuru who’s already raising his hand to answer the equations. “Go ahead, Yuzuru.” The young boy bows his head and scurries up to the front of the room. He quickly answers all of the equations, not even bothering to double check.  
“Well, you’ve got them all right except for one error. Make sure to always put the proper symbols in front of the answer. Understood?” Yuzuru erases his mistake and then corrects it. He bows then returns to his assigned seat. “The homework assignment shall be posted on your school login page!”

☀

Lunch time rolls around, and Yuzuru finds himself sitting with Patrick and Scott out by the tree. “You aren’t eating lunch?” Yuzuru shakes his head in reply to Patrick’s question. He feels like he has more weight than he needs. “Why not…?” Yuzuru glances at Scott and sighs. He clearly didn’t want to answer in front of the stranger. Patrick notices this and shoots Scott a glance as well. “Hey do you mind going in the caf to grab me a soda?” Scott tilts his head. “You can get your own soda.” Patrick rolls his eyes. “Just give me and Yuzuru privacy. Please?” Scott glares at Yuzuru. “I see your position of best friend has been refilled without me knowing. I didn’t know you were such good friends with the foreigner. Are you conspiring with Japan to throw the competitions and let him win?” Yuzuru’s eyebrows furrow angrily. He would never ask Patrick to do that. Patrick starts to sit up, as he was lying down belly side up on the grass. “Scott it isn’t like that— please” “Save it. I don’t associate with traitors.” Scott grabs his belongings and walks off. Yuzuru, of course, is left unable to say anything. “I’m sorry Yuzuru…he’s just jealous…” Yuzuru shrugs his shoulders, trying to hide the fact that he was hurt. “So…why don’t you want to eat?” Yuzuru sits up and starts to grab his bag. “It’s personal.” Patrick sighs at how Yuzuru is responding. He usually isn’t so… rude. “Hey, why don’t we just go to my place? I can cook for you…” “I can’t. I’m too busy today.” Patrick lets out a disappointed sigh. Yuzuru recognizes that sigh anywhere. A lump begins to form in his throat. “You don’t have to be so rude…I’m sorry I bothered you with my friendship. I’ll go.” Patrick stands and walks off. “Wait! Patrick!” He is already gone.

☀

Yuzuru makes sure that he gets to his appointment on time. He doesn’t want his mother to be even more disappointed than she already is. “Yuzuru Hanyu? The doctor will see you now.” Yuzuru stands up and follows the assistant who leads him into the office. “He’ll be here shortly; he was on his lunch break.” Yuzuru nods and smiles, then waits patiently for his doctor to show up.   
About 5 minutes of waiting occurs before Yuzuru’s doctor walks in. “Please excuse me. There was a small problem with the files but it’s all been sorted.” The man speaks in a quick Japanese tongue, which Yuzu is grateful for. “It’s no problem…It’s nice to meet you sensei…” The man takes out his notebook and starts jotting down notes. “My name is Takumi Saito. You can call me whichever name you feel comfortable with.” Yuzuru nods and looks around the office. “Why don’t you tell me about your day…?” Yuzuru gives a soft shrug. “There’s nothing to discuss…” The therapist jots that down. “I have all your information on file so I’ll spare you by not asking the obvious questions. Let me tell you a few things that I expect you to do as my patient. I do want you to weigh yourself on the scale each time you come in for a session.” Yuzuru bites on his lower lip and slowly looks away. “This isn’t to make you feel bad, it’s to monitor what progress you make each time you visit. You’ll be issued a notebook and I want you to write in it each time you find time. I don’t require essay long entrances, but I do expect you to list your thoughts down. The things that make you happy, sad, annoyed, all those should be in the journal. Next, each day I want you to write one thing you like about yourself and one thing you wish you could change about yourself. If you want to get help, you’re gonna have to open up and accept help. Do you get where I’m coming from?” He only nods. “There are some things your mom has told me, but I won’t reveal them because I want you to open up when you feel comfortable. Of course, help isn’t achievable in one session, but with hard work and a serious attitude, we can help you help yourself, Yuzuru. Understand?” He nods again. The therapist notices the tears in Yuzuru’s eyes and hands him the tissue box. 

“Why’re you crying?” He asks softly. “This is all so much for me. The stress is ruining me. Everything is so hard!” Yuzuru hides his face behind his shaky hands as he sobs. “Would you like to elaborate on that, Yuzu?” “No!” He shakes his head quickly. “No I don’t want to elaborate on anything! I just want to go home!” The therapist nods. “Okay. We can have your mom come and pick you up.” Yuzuru shakes his head again. “No, I miss Japan! This isn’t my home! I miss dad! I miss Nanami! I miss my friends! I miss Daisuke so much! I want to go back!” The therapist jots those notes down and nods. “It’s normal to miss home…moving makes a huge psychological impact on people…” “I can’t speak English I hate it! I didn’t want to hurt Patrick I was just so hurt and angry! Scott hates me! My teachers don’t like me! I get made fun of! It’s not fair! I didn’t ask for this! I would’ve rather died in the earthquake! Why didn’t I die!? Why couldn’t I just have fucking died!? Then Saya mom and dad could be happy without me taking away all their money! God, I hate myself! I hate my appearance so much! My face is humungous, my thighs are huge, and my teeth are horrendous! Why can’t I be dead!?” Yuzuru starts to pant harshly and grips onto his chest. The therapist sure as hell was not expecting that kind of breakdown. Not on the first day, at least. He’s jotting everything down while Yuzuru is puffing away with his inhaler.   
“Okay…okay that’s enough for today…Let’s call your mom.” Mr. Saito asks his assistant to call Yuzuru’s mom to pick him up. He’s still crying harshly on the sofa. “Here, when your mom comes I’m going to hand her these pills to help you calm down okay? You’re emotionally and physically drained and you’ve gone beyond your breaking point. Take two after you get home from school for a week to help relax you alright? Due to mental and physical health reasons, you’re not allowed to train for a week. After a week, I’ll evaluate you again and see if you’re well enough to resume skating. Don’t worry, this’ll all be explained to your mom so you won’t have to do it.” Yuzuru wipes at his eyes. “You just took the only thing I had left to live for…so much for helping…” He grabs his things and decides to wait for his mom outside.

☀

After they got home, Yuzu’s mom prepares a warm bath for him, cooks, and calls his coach to bring him up to speed. “Thank you for understanding Mr. Orser, I’ll make sure he takes his meds. Bye…” His mom hangs up the phone. She returns to the table. “Yuzuru, you’ve barely touched your dinner.” Yuzuru shrugs. “Not hungry.” His mother lets out another disappointed sigh. That sigh is like a dagger that pierces Yuzu’s heart. “T-the pills are starting to kick in…I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” He quickly disappears into his room before he can start crying. The tranquilizers cause him to be so dizzy and drowsy that he passes out immediately.   
What a horrible day.


	5. {5/?} Hate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru undergoes flashbacks and public humiliation by his teachers. Warning, explicit scenes.
> 
> Yuna will be introduced next chapter!

“Baby wake up. You’ve got class.” Yuzuru whimpers softly as he pulls the covers away from his face. The meds cause him to be overly tired and groggy. “Yuzuru I said to wake up.” The young boy only turns so that his back faces his mom. Her index finger and thumb grip a piece of Yuzuru’s flesh and twist it. “A-ah!! Ah! Why would you do that!?” “I asked you twice to wake up for school.” 

Yuzuru groans softly and buries his face into his pillow, clutching his pooh tissue box. His mom sighs. “Give me that thing.” She snatches it away. It feels as though Daisuke has really left him. He shoots up from his bed and shouts. “Give that back! Give it back right now!!!” Yumi scoffs and throws it in the trash bin. “That thing is dirty and old. It’s trash Yuzuru.” He screeches to the top of his lungs and lunges towards the trash bin. He grabs the tissue box and hugs it close to him, crying softly. “What’s happened to you, Yuzuru?! You’re insane! Where’s my son!? Find him and bring him back to me because I’ve reached my limit! You’re making me lose my mind! Get dressed for school damn it!” While she’s yelling at him, he’s clutching the tissue box close to him, swaying back and forth. “Hush…you’ll be okay…we’re okay…I promise…” He whispers to the tissue box. 

☀

“M-mom did you pack me lunch?” He asks as he’s rummaging through his bag for the lunch or for money. No response. “Mommy, I’m gonna be late, please…” She laughs. “What would the point of giving you lunch money be? You don’t eat anyway.” Yuzuru frowns and his features appear crestfallen. “That’s not true…I do eat…” She snickers. “Gay, anorexic, and suicidal. You raised him right Yumi.” She says to herself, not caring if her son hears. “That’s not true! I’m not gay or anorexic!” “You had a relationship with another man, and you force yourself not to eat!” Yuzuru starts to pant and angrily grabs his things. A kid can only go through so much. “Yeah, leave without a goodbye then!” He stomps out of the apartment and slams the door as hard as he can. His mother flinches and shakes her head. She could sense that the next few days will be hell.

☀

“Patrick…I wanna apologize…” Yuzuru offers Patrick a small card. “You think I’m gonna accept your shit card after you act rude to me? Look around, no one cares for you. Sorry for trying.” Patrick seizes Yuzuru up before starting to walk away but Yuzuru grasps his shirt just in time. “I-I know I did wrong…please consider it? I’m very sorry…you’re my onry friend…” Patrick peeled Yuzuru’s hand off his shirt. “Goodbye Hanyu.” Patrick lets the card slip from his hands and steps on it as he makes his way to his seat. “Great,” He murmurs. “Now he hates me too…”

“I hope you all prepared your essays and are ready to present. Yuzura, you’re first.” Oh shit! The presentation! Yuzuru scurries up to the teacher and offers an apologetic smile. “C-can I go tomorrow instead m-miss?” She sighs. “No. You’ll receive no credit for not completing your assignment.” “N-no! I have it—I just…” Oh what’s the use? She doesn’t care about what he has to say. 

Yuzuru took center stage. This was much different from skating. This, he hated. “R-Romeo and Juliet…” He starts, glancing at the people who want him to fail. He takes a deep breath and nods. “Is a story… that’s doing with love…that…that two…people…died for l-love…” His body and voice are trembling and it’s painfully obvious. “I like…I like Juliet and Romeo…because…they’re strong….and passion. Romeo and…uh...Juliet relate to me…by skating. I love to skating. A-and…uh…uhm…b-but I…” He starts to pant as he’s run out of words. “Mr. Harvard, hurry and finish your Nobel Prize speech!” The kids laugh as Patrick makes that comment. “Yuzura, you’ve wasted our time enough. Go sit.” He looks at Patrick like a kicked puppy. Patrick sighs and looks away from Yuzu’s gaze, feeling a bit guilty. “Yuzuru, I said sit!” He jumps as his teacher shrieks. Uh oh. Panic attack.  
He grips onto his chest as he stumbles over to the trash can, plunging his head into it as he vomits. The acid in his stomach burns his throat as he regurgitates. It seems endless and it’s painful. The kids start to groan and call him names. Soon, it all stops. He lifts his head in shame and wipes off his lips with the back of his hand. His teacher’s hovering over him, glaring hard. Yuzuru starts to pant again. “I-I..P..S…I-I-…” “You’re disgusting. Get out of my classroom.” Yuzuru looks down into his lap immediately and the tears he fought so hard to hold back start to pour down his scarlet cheeks.  
{Flashback}  
Yuzuru had gotten home from practice. He was living with Daisuke since the only rink available to practice was around Daisuke’s residence. It was late, and Dai was angry. “Where were you? I waited hours. I cooked. Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Yuzuru frowned. “I was training I’m sorry…I’ve signed up for 10 more ice shows…” Daisuke lifted a hand and smacked Yuzuru across the face. “I don’t give a damn about your fucking shows! You call me when you’re coming home or I’ll kick you the fuck out.” Yuzuru’s head shook as he rubbed his cheek. “I-I’m sorry baby…I’ll call next time. I promise. Please don’t kick me out. I’ll have nowhere to train…please, please.” Dai showed no signs of forgiveness. His arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s neck and he started to kiss down his neck, knowing that it’d cheer him up. Sex always made Daisuke feel better. 

Unfortunately for Yuzu, Dai didn’t want him tonight. “You’re disgusting.” He growled as he shoved the teen away. “Don’t fucking touch me.” Yuzuru frowned again. “What did I do now?” “I’m tired of staring at your fat ass face that’s what you did wrong.” Dai’s words and tone were harsh and cold. It hurt Yuzuru worse than the slap did. “W-why’re you being so mean?” The teen had already began to cry. “This is why I didn’t fucking want you living here!! All you fucking do it cry Yuzuru!!! If I wanted to babysit, I would’ve went out and got a kid! Honestly, I’m sick of you. Get the fuck out of my sight or I’ll give you something to fucking cry about.” Yuzuru nodded and ran off to the bathroom. He didn’t want to bother Dai any more than he already did.

{End of Flashback}

“Get out of my classroom now!!” She shrieks again, causing Yuzuru to let out a loud whimper as he runs off. The classroom smells like puke and all the kids are complaining. “I need to use the washroom.” She sighs while calling the janitor. “Go ahead Patrick. Take the hall pass.” Patrick takes the pass and follows Yuzuru into the bathroom. 

Yuzuru locks himself in a stall and starts to cry. When the bathroom door opens, he clasps a hand over his mouth. He’s squeezing his eyes shut to let the tears escape quicker. “Yuzuru…? It’s Patrick…” Yuzuru was trying hard not to let out any sounds. “Please, I know you’re in there…” Yuzuru presses himself against the wall and shakes his head. “I’ll crawl under the stall if you don’t answer within 5 seconds.” ‘It’s best not to reply’ he tells himself. “5. 4. 3. 2. 1.” Patrick crawls underneath the stall and stands to dust himself off. He stares at Yuzuru’s face. “Don’t cry…” He leans over to grab some toilet paper and wipes Yuzuru’s eyes and nose. “Mrs. Koshner called your coach to pick you up okay…?” Yuzuru nods and stays still. No way was he going to fall for Patrick’s deceiving tactics. “I’m sorry I was so rude to you. I shouldn’t have made that joke in class.” Patrick reaches to move a strand of hair from Yuzuru’s face but the younger moves away before he can come in contact. “You’re really not going to talk to me?” Yuzuru looks away, tears brimming in his eyes. “Look at me, please.” Yuzuru shakes his head. “I’m sorry Yuzuru…” Patrick wraps his arms around Yuzuru and squishes him softly. “I’ll walk you outside…” Yuzuru doesn’t say anything.

“Don’t cry anymore…it hurts me.” Patrick mumbles as he walks Yuzuru out of the bathroom. “H-how does it hurt…when you’re the one …doing it?” “I’M making you cry? ME?” Yuzuru looks away. “I’m not the only one Yuzuru. You hurt my feelings yesterday.” “I said sorry! I receive no forgive! Why do I must forgive you!?” Patrick sees Yuzuru’s point. “I’ll make it up to you. For now go home and rest.”

He walks Yuzuru out front and waves him off to Brian’s car.

☀

“What’s wrong champ? Why the long face?” Yuzuru shrugs and wipes at his already puffy eyes. “Wanna see some costume designs? They’re in the folder in the glove compartment.” Yuzuru nods and grabs the folder. “We’re keeping Parisienne Walkways, but we’re changing the shirt to a blue-ish color.” Yuzuru nods. The design looks nice. “For your long program, we’re going to give you a different program. It’s entitled Notre Dame de Paris.” Yuzuru nods and looks at the costume for that number. It was…alright. “Johnny says you’d like the designs. Do you?” He just nods. Brian gives a disappointed sigh and decides to stop trying for now.

Yuzuru closes his eyes.

{Flashback}

“Dai! That feels really good!” Daisuke laughed as his boyfriend writhed beneath him. Yuzuru’s panting, moaning, and stroking himself. “Why don’t you take charge hm?” Yuzuru smirked. He loved to ride. Dai rolled them over to swap positions. Yuzuru placed his sweaty palms on top of Dai’s equally sweaty chest for leverage. He changed the way his legs were positioned and slowly started to bounce by lifting himself up and letting himself fall. He’d let out a string of whiny moans as he tightened around Dai’s length. “Faster, faster.” Dai pleaded, his own hips beginning to buck up. Yuzuru always loved that feeling. The feeling of his walls being teased by the skin of Dai’s length drove him mad. This urged him to start to bounce furiously on top of his lover. “How does my cock feel inside of you baby? Tell Dai how it feels…” “Really good! So good…I’m going mad…” Yuzuru replied in between pants. 

The air fills with their moans, both masculine and feminine. Yuzuru has bad stamina and doesn’t last very long, releasing onto his boyfriend’s chest. Remember, he was only 15 at the time. Dai always respected Yuzuru enough not to release inside him, so he pulls out and lets his seed flow onto Yuzuru’s back. Yuzuru leans down and pecks his lips. “D-do you forgive me now?” Dai smiled. “Of course baby…you’re the cutest and I love you.” Yuzuru gave a genuine smile. “My heart flutters each time you say that.” Daisuke’s fingers crawled up Yuzuru’s sides and started to tickle him. Yuzuru’s laugh filled him with joy and happiness. Something he’s been missing for so long. 

{End of Flashback}

“Yuzuru wake up, we’re at your therapist’s office.” Yuzu had fallen asleep so he wipes some drool from his lips and nods. “Make sure to ask when you’re cleared to skate! I’m excited to start.” He thanks Brian for the ride and heads inside. 

☀

“When I got the call from your mom this morning, I was shocked.” Yuzuru nods. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. Let’s start. I wanna know about your first suicide attempt.” Yuzuru is shocked. How does his therapist know of this? “I-I was 15 I think…and Saya wouldn’t talk to me no matter how much I pleaded…I was having problems with self-esteem and something else. She refused to help, told me she hated me. I already hated myself at that point. So I thought of not taking my asthma medications. I’d lie to my mom and tell her I took them. So one day I smothered myself with a pillow. It didn’t take long for me to stop breathing…Saya was there. She watched.” “That’s a horrific thing for a young man to go through.” He jots the story down. “What thoughts were you thinking when you stopped taking your meds and smothered yourself?” Yuzuru lies down on the sofa. “I don’t know…I guess I felt like she was right. She resented me so much…So I thought I’d do her the favor and leave.” “You never brought this up to your parents?” Yuzuru shakes his head. “I couldn’t. I hurt them all more than enough.” “But why would you think it’s okay to die? Do you still want to die?”  
“It’s not that I think it’s okay…it’s that I felt I was doing everyone a favor. I felt it’d be better to leave. I won’t lie to you…there are some days where I want to die, and others where I’m grateful to be alive.” “Those days where you want to die, what goes on in them?” “It’s whenever I’m thinking of someone I miss terribly…it’s those days where I look long and hard into the mirror…” “Who?” It’s too soon. “I can tell you another time but not now, please…”  
The doctor nods and jots that down as well. “We’ll get back to that one. Were there any other attempts?” Yuzuru sighs. “2 more. One with pills. One with cutting.” “How do you think your parents felt?” “I didn’t factor them in at that point…I was basically focusing on how horrible I felt.” “We won’t discuss the other attempts today. I don’t want to trigger or overwhelm you. You’re 19 yeah?”  
“Onh~” Yuzuru closes his eyes. “And you have an active sex life?” “Eto!?!” The doctor chuckles and takes a seat on the coffee table. “N-no! Not right now! I-…I used to…how did—you…” He just winks at Yuzuru and jots down notes. “Don’t worry, everything’s confidential.” Yuzuru sits up now. “I want to hear about your first sexual encounter?” Yuzuru’s eyes narrow. “Why? Are you going to try something on me?” The doctor is taken aback and looks hurt. “It’s always those who need the most help that put up the greatest front.” He gives a disappointed sigh. Yuzuru shakes his head. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean--” “We’re done for the day. Leave my office please.” Yuzuru looks down and grabs his things. “Ah...doctor? One more thing… C-can I skate lightly? Please…I miss the ice…” The doctor shrugs. “Do what you want. You want to die anyway right?” Yuzuru’s head tilts. “You aren’t allowed to say things like that to me…you’re supposed to be the one adult that I can—“ Yuzuru’s eyes watch as the therapist picks the phone up, asking for security. 

He clutches his bag and runs out.


	6. {6/?} Smile, Laugh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru finally gets some happiness. Time to meet Yuna.

“Hanyu? You’re here!” Brian smiles as the teen skates over to him. “Did your doctor clear you for skating?” Yuzuru lifts his hand and shakes it from side to side, meaning half and half. “We’ll keep it light alright? Did you go to your hip-hop class?” Yuzuru nods and smiles. Brian pulls him to the sidelines and gives an excited grin. “Did you like it? How was it? What songs did you dance to?” Yuzuru looks up and purses his lips. “Drake…Justin Bieber…I like!”

 

The grin on Brian’s face stretched from ear to ear. “Show me some moves man!” Brian urges Yuzuru to show what he just learned. “Ahno… I cannot…” Yuzuru seems bashful and hides his face. “Oh, come on…your mom’s not paying for those classes for you to be so shy~ come on show me.” Yuzuru nods and looks behind him to make sure that no one was behind him and started to do the moves from the hip hop class. Brian does his best to hold back his laughter, but it fails. Yuzuru’s cheeks are burning by now as he stares at his coach. “I-I’m sorry Yuzu but—you need more classes!” Yuzuru frowns, feeling embarrassed.

 

“Brian, are you teasing our newest member?” The familiar voice causes Yuzu to look up from his shame and stare.  “I’m not teasing him. He’s got mad dance moves.” Yuzuru clicks his tongue and hides his face again. “Not all of us are natural born dancers!” Javi’s accent is thick, but at least his English is understandable. “Javi, I’m glad you came over. Yuzuru isn’t completely back yet…and I know it’s hard for him to adjust to a new city. Would you mind being his mentor for now at least? You know, show him the ropes, and hang out, things like that.” Javier skates closer to Yuzu and wraps his arms around the young boy’s slender body. “Don’t worry coach; I’ll guide our little duckling.” “Thank you Javi. I’ve gotta go now.” Coach skates off to continue instructing his juniors.

 

Yuzuru’s eyes slowly look up into Javier’s and he smiles.  “I-I’m duck-ling?” Javier lets out a hearty chuckle and gives the boy a tight squeeze. “Yes, you’re baby duck. I’m papa duck.” Yuzuru hesitantly slides his arms around Javier’s waist and closes his eyes. His head is resting on Javi’s firm chest. “Are you okay duckling?” Yuzuru nods. It feels so good to have someone who isn’t screaming, or disappointed, or angry at him. Javi’s big hands stroke up & down Yuzuru’s small back. “I’m here if you need anything. You seem so sad…” Yuzuru looks up again. Just as he’s about to reply, someone clears their throat.

 

“Sorry to interrupt your little—session, but we’re here to train, not to cuddle.” Javi rolls his eyes and sighs. “Yuna, please leave us alone. It’s just a hug.” Yuzuru quickly lets go of Javier and bows 90 degrees towards Yuna. “I’m just looking out for you guys. I wouldn’t want you in trouble. Hi Yuzuru, welcome to the Toronto Cricket & Skating club. I’m Yuna.” Yuzuru nods and bows again. “What’s wrong with him? Doesn’t he speak English?” Javier groans. “Yuna, go practice. We’re fine over there, thanks.” She shoots Javier a glare and skates off.

 

“Is she ….uh, girlf—f” “No! No no. I mean, I do have a girlfriend but is not Yuna.” Yuzuru nods and starts to skate, pulling Javi along while he does so. “Can we do axels?” Javier sighs and shakes his head. “No, no. None of that. Simple skating. You have to wait for coach to teach you those things.” Yuzuru whines and stomps his feet. While he stomps, he slips; since he’s gripping onto Javi, they both fall onto the hard ice. Yuzuru squeaks as Javier falls on top of him. “Shit—are you okay?! I’m sorry Yuzuru…” Yuzuru stares hard at Javier. “Damn, I’m sorry. Are you hurt anywhere?” Javier starts to look for any visible bruises. Yuzuru’s still glaring. “I can’t find any wounds, so you’re” Javi’s eyes fall back onto Yuzuru’s. “Jesus. I’m sorry...Don’t be mad, please?” Yuzuru can’t hold back his laughter anymore. He’s laughing so hard that his sides start hurting.   Javier realizes now that Yuzuru was joking the whole time. He’s too relived to laugh.

 

☀

 

“Look at those two. Being so foolish.” Yuna scoffs as she takes a swig of water. “Come on. Don’t be that way. You’re just mad because it’s not you Javier fell on.” Yuna turns around and smacks Elene across the arm. “Don’t say things like that.” Elene rolls her eyes. “Stop acting as if you’re over him. We both know that you still love him.” They both look across the ice over to where Javier is. He’s laughing and doing pairs skating tricks with Yuzuru. Yuzuru seems so happy. Yuna hates it. That should be her. “See? You’re seething. I can see the steam coming from your ears.” Yuna looks away as Javier glances at her. Their eyes meet for a split second, and it seemed like an eternity for Yuna. “I have to get him back Elene.” She pulls Yuna over to the locker room. “How do you expect to do that Yuna? Didn’t he dump you because you wouldn’t let him have sex with you?” “I’ll get rid of her by making him want me so badly…well…he never told me the reason…but I feel like it’s because I didn’t let him.”

 

Elene sighs. “Do you regret not giving him your innocence that night?” Yuna is taking her skates off, hair let loose. “I don’t know…he worked so hard to put that night together perfectly for us. I ruined it…” Elene takes a seat beside Yuna and gives her a hug. “If you’re sure, then go fight for your man. As your best friend, I’ll help you achieve that. But there’s another problem…” Elene pulls back and holds Yuna by her shoulders. Yuna looks at Elene with confused eyes. “What’s the problem?” Elene chuckles. “That Yuzuru kid, what’re you going to do about him?” Yuna smiles as she shakes her head. “Nothing. He’s just annoying. He’s no threat to what Javier and I have…” Elene tucks her hair behind her ear. “That’s what you think. You need to watch out for him. It’s been a day and he’s already holding hands and laughing with Javi.” The words repeat endlessly in Yuna’s mind. Could it be true? Was Yuzuru really crushing on Javier?

 

☀

 

“Did you have fun today duckling?” Yuzuru smiles and nods as he throws his bag over his back. It was time to go home now. The rink is closed, but Yuzuru wishes that it could stay open all night so that he and Javi could skate. He was having so much fun. “Thank you for today Jabi…” Javier simpers and bows his head, as to which Yuzu bows in return. “Are you taking the train home?” Yuzuru gestures towards his tokens. “I can give you a ride…” Yuzuru’s brows twitch in surprise. Why would Javier want to take him home? “N-no that’s fine…” Javier chews on his lip and glances at his watch. “It’s nearly midnight…the streets aren’t safe. Come, give me your bag.” What choice did he have? Javier already takes the bag from Yuzu and places it in the trunk. “Thank you Jabi…” Yuzuru dips his head before getting into the passenger’s side.

 

☀

 

Midway through the ride, Javier makes a right turn. ‘This isn’t where I live…where is he taking me? Oh no. Why’d I get into the car with him? He’s gonna kill me.’ Yuzuru sits up straight and his breath hitches. “T-that’s not where I’m live! Please…” He glances at the door and it’s locked. “Would you relax? I’m only stopping to grab a bite. I’m not kidnapping you I promise.” Javier chuckles and even unlocks the door to prove to Yuzuru that he has no bad intentions. Yuzuru smiles apologetically at Javier. “I’m just hungry.” He pulls into the drive-thru.

 

“Hi uhm…I’d like to order a big mac combo with water please.” “Alright sir, will that complete your order?” “Just a second.” Javier turns to Yuzuru with a smile. “Want anything?” Yuzuru does, but he shakes his head. “No thank you.” Javier raises a brow and tells the drive thru cashier that he’d also like to add a second big mac to his order. As instructed, Javier drives up to the window and hands the woman his card. In return, he gets his food and two water bottles. “Eto, I said I didn’t want anything Jabi…” Javier drives away after handing Yuzuru the bag. “You’re crazy skinny and you look hungry. Eat it please?” Yuzuru sighs and takes his food out. He stares at it. Daisuke used to order these too.

 

Yuzuru’s staring hard at the box of beef and he seems dazed. This is what Javi assumes after glancing over many times. “What’s the matter? You no like burgers?” Yuzuru snaps out of his trance and nods, opening the box and starts to eat. His cheeks are bouncing due to his munching. Javier laughs a few times. “W-what? Do I have sauce…?” Yuzuru’s cheeks are filled with food and he stares at Javi. Javi parks in the parking lot and grabs a napkin, wiping the sauce from his cheek. “You’re adorable duckling. Your big cheeks move when you eat, is very cute.” Yuzuru blushes and looks away. Javier has been the only one to successfully get Yuzuru to eat. He puts the food back into the bag and crumples it up.

 

“You aren’t going to drink?” Javier raises a brow at the unopened water bottle. Yuzuru glances at it too and grabs it. He uncaps it and tilts his head back, gulping the water. The smallest bit of water escapes and trails down Yuzuru’s chin then makes its way down his Adam’s apple, then his milky neck. His skin looks so beautiful in the moonlight.  His head falls back into place and he wipes off his chin. Javier forces himself to look away and clears his throat. “Your mom’s probably worried.” He pops the trunk and gets out. Yuzuru follows him and takes the bag from Javi’s hands. “Goodnight Yuzuru…” He smiles. “Goodnight Javier…”

 

It’s quiet and they’re both still. Though they’ve said goodnight, no one leaves. They’re too busy staring at each other. “I--…you should go Yuzu but before you do…” Javier rummages through his pocket for a pen and grabs Yuzu’s arm, scribbling a number onto it. “Call me if you need anything…goodnight.” Yuzuru bows and scurries off into the apartment building. “Fuck. What are you doing?” Javier mumbles as he drives away.

 

☀

 

“ _Mommy? I’m home…_ ” She’s asleep on the couch again. Yuzuru walks over to her and drapes the covers over her. He pecks her forehead and slumps away to his room. He turns on the lights and stares at his bed. There’s a wrapped box with a bow on top of it. Yuzuru walks to the box and lifts it up to unwrap it. “iPhone 5!?” He shrieks and hugs it close to his chest. Finally, he gets a new phone.  

 

The first number that he puts into his phone is Javi’s. He tells himself that he put Javi first so he doesn't forget to do it later. He sets his phone down and goes to the bathroom to take off his contacts and bathe. His mom’s left him a warm bath again.

 

☀

 

[mms; Jabi c:]

Thank you for everything. Goodnight.

 


	7. {7/?} Seriously?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru has a free day & decides to hang out with Javi after a phone call from his dad.
> 
> W A R N I N G ; Triggers for cutting!

> [sms; from Jabi c:]
> 
> Yuzuru, what a cute picture. I’m surprised you texted me.
> 
> -
> 
> [sms; to Jabi c:]
> 
> Really? Why?
> 
> -
> 
> [sms; from Jabi c:]
> 
> Well, it’s almost 1. And I thought I freaked you out or something. Hey can you face time? I don’t like to text.
> 
> -
> 
> [sms; to Jabi c:]
> 
> Sure! Call me first ok?

☀

Yuzuru smiles as he answers the face time call. “Yuzuru I can’t see your face.” Is the first thing Javi says. Yuzuru frowns and presses the button that flips the camera. The smile on Javier’s face widens. “You look so cute in your glasses.” Yuzuru nods and points to his phone. “We are twins!” Javier hears the echo and looks at Yuzuru through the camera lens. “Yuzu put your headphones in!”

 

The teen gasps. How could he have forgotten? He reaches over to his nightstand—crotch in plain sight (he’s wearing his underwear to sleep) — and searches for his headphones. Javi notices the marks on Yuzuru’s thighs but doesn’t say anything. “Ah, got them!” Yuzuru plops back down and smiles at the camera. Javier’s face looks different.

 

How can he do that to himself? How can he cut his own flesh? “Javi can you hear me now?” Yuzuru smiles into the camera. Javier thinks back to when they were hugging on the ice and mentioned how Yuzu seemed sad. “Javi…” He understands now. “Hey, are these headphones working not well?” Yuzuru sighs and reaches back up to grab a different pair. Javi’s eyes fall onto his thighs again. This time the cuts are more visible.

 

Yuzuru doesn’t notice does he? His hand brushes against his bare thigh and he winces. Javier looks away from the camera sadly. “Javi what’s wrong?” Yuzuru frowns as he inserts the headphones into his ears. “Nothing’s wrong baby duck…I’m just thinking…”

 

Yuzuru feels a draft and looks down onto his thighs. ‘Fuck. He saw my thighs.’  Yuzuru thinks. He quickly pulls the covers up to his chest and lies back against the bedpost. “Duckling…why do you do that?”

 

“Do what?” Yuzuru asks, trying to play it off. Javier looks back into the camera and sighs. “Your thighs…they’re cut. Did you do that to yourself?” Yuzuru looks down, then up. There’s silence. “Duckling, you can tell me.” Yuzuru starts to tear up and shake his head. “You wouldn’t understanding if I telled you Jabi…” He barely whispers.

 

Javier gets closer to the phone as if trying to get closer to Yuzuru. “You can try…please?” Yuzuru sighs and wipes at a tear that’s streaming down his cheek. “Try to tell me…I’ll try to be understanding. I will not judge, come on…”

 

Yuzuru closes his eyes.

 

{Flashback}

“You’re a useless piece of shit Hanyu. You’re fucking up my career.” Daisuke shoves Yuzuru against the wall quite harshly. “You’re pathetic. Why don’t you just try to kill yourself again? Do you really think that anyone would care?” Yuzuru’s already crying hard. “I bought you a gift, bitch.” He walks off to the bathroom and returns with a first aid kit and a box of razors. He throws them at Yuzuru. “Take these and fuck off!”

 

He storms off and slams the door. Yuzuru slides against the wall and starts to wail. His shaky hands tear open the box of razors and they come flying at him. He picks one off the ground and pulls his pants off. He’s seen Daisuke do this before. “Straight across, straight across.” He’d tell himself as he cut.

 

Yuzuru does the same. Straight across his perfect thighs glides the razor blade. The beads of blood pop out almost instantly. He’s still crying, tear drops falling onto the cuts. A few more and he drops the razor, screaming. It’s not because it hurts, but it’s because of everything he’s going through.

 

“So do you feel better now?” Daisuke walks through the door and stares at his bleeding boyfriend. Yuzuru nods and wipes his tears away. “Let me clean those up for you.” Yuzuru’s eyes are closed as Daisuke tends to his cut up thighs. Due to exhaustion, Yuzuru passes out.

{End of Flashback}

 

“It helps me to feel better Javi…” Javier shakes his head as Yuzuru finally responds. “Please don’t do that to yourself. You’re too beautiful to do that…” Yuzuru sighs and simply stares. He didn’t want Javi to know. How could be so careless? “Promise me you won’t do that please carino? It hurts seeing that. It really does.” Javier’s voice cracks near the end of the sentence. “I promise Jabi…”

 

Javier nods. An hour passes and they’ve only talked about nonsense. Javier would try to make Yuzu laugh every now and then. “Why don’t we hang out tomorrow?” Yuzuru looks at the time. It’s late. “Sure Jabi! I have to sleep--” “Oh did you take your medicine?” Yuzuru frowns.

 

“No…” “Please go take them.” Yuzuru whines and stares at the bottle. “Call me tomorrow when you want to get picked up. Adios~” Javier hangs up after Yuzu takes his meds. Pretty soon, Yuzuru knocks out.

☀

 

Yuzuru shoots up from his nightmare, sweaty and panting. He’s dreamt of the earthquake again. His mom’s in his room with a cup of tea. “Good morning baby. I see you like your gift.” Yuzuru glances at his phone and he nods, shuffling over to give his mom a hug. “ _Thank you mommy! I love it_.” “Thank your father. He sent the money over. You should give him a call.” Yuzuru nods. He’ll definitely do so. “There was no school today and skating practice has been cancelled.” Yuzuru pipes up. He’s glad there’s no school.

 

“You’re free today I guess. I’m going to look for a job with coach Orser. Your breakfast is on the table.” Yuzuru nods and hugs his mom goodbye.

 

☀

 

 “ _Daddy! I miss you so much!_ ” Yuzuru’s dad laughs in the background. “I miss you too! I had to send money over to my son so he can get a phone! How are you, how’s Canada?” Yuzuru smiles. “ _Canada’s getting better. I still miss home. I’m okay daddy. I miss you guys! How are you and Saya?_ ”

 

“I’m doing well. Saya is too! Have you met any girls?” Yuzuru bites his lip. “ _Dad…you know I…I’m busy with training and school. There’s no time for dating!_ ” “Ah, you’re right! My son is so hard working.” Phew, dodged a bullet. Yuzuru’s mom never told his dad about Daisuke.  

 

“Dad, can I speak to Saya?” Yuzuru’s dad says yes and presses the button he thinks will mute him, but actually mutes Yuzuru. “Saya, your brother wishes to speak to you.” She laughs. “No way am I speaking to him.” His dad frowns. “Why not?” “I hate Yuzuru! Stop forcing me to like him, it only makes me hate him more. I’m glad he’s gone, but I’m not glad that you’re still spending money on him! He’s gone for a reason. You paid me to fake sadness when he left. Stop asking for me to speak to him unless you’re willing to pay.”

 

Yuzuru’s heart drops at his sister’s cold words. How could she hate him so much? He’s apologized for everything—even for living. His dad unmutes the call. “Saya can’t come to the phone right now, she’ll call you later.” There’s a loud groan and a slam of a door. “It’s okay daddy…I have to go finish homework.”

 

“So soon? Can’t you stay a bit longer?” “No. I can’t, I’m sorry. Goodbye.” He hangs up and throws his phone to the side.

 

☀

 

He wants to cut. He’s never wanted to cut this much before. But he’s promised. He’s promised. “ _Ah, to hell with the promise!_ ” He shouts as he storms into the bathroom. He grabs his box and pulls the razors out.

 

Riiiiiiiing! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

 

He groans as he goes back to his bedroom to get his phone. Javi’s calling. “Hello?” He presses the phone to his ear. “Hey duckling. I’m outside!” Yuzuru blinks. “It’s so early…” “There’s no school and I have to pick Cortney up later. It’s now or never!” Yuzuru nods. “Be downstairs in 2.” He hangs up and runs off to get dressed.

 

☀

 

“Took you way more than two minutes!” Yuzuru smiles apologetically as he buckles up his seat belt. “Where are we going?” Javier drives off once his friend’s all buckled up. “The mall~ we’re going to do some shopping.” Yuzuru smiles and nods. It’s his first time out for fun in Canada and he’s looking forward to it. Javi always made him feel better.

 

☀

 

 Yuzuru stands in the middle of the mall, shivering. “It’s so cold…” Javier takes his jacket off and wraps it around Yuzu. Yuzuru blinks at the action and looks up at Javi. “Let’s go.” Javi takes Yuzu’s hand and walks him to the first store.

 

“Try these on!” Javi slides a pair of sunglasses onto Yuzuru’s face, and Yuzuru poses. They both burst into a fit of chuckles. They try on a few other pairs and enjoy themselves. “I’ll get you this pair…” Yuzuru stares at Javi. “W-why…?” Javier couldn’t come up with a good reason. “Just because it looks really cute on you.” Yuzuru blushes and nods. “Only if you want…” Javier walks over to the cashier to pay for the glasses and scarves they bought.

 

While looking around, Yuzuru spots Yuna and Elene.  Elene smacks Yuna’s shoulder. “Look, look! Javier and Yuzuru are together again.” Yuna smiles. “That’s nonsense,” She looks up to see Javi handing Yuzuru a bag. “He’s buying Yuzuru gifts Yuna. Are any alarms going off in that head of yours?” Yuna growls and stomps towards the two.

 

She bumps into Yuzuru and causes him to stumble back. Javier, of course, is quick enough to catch Yuzuru. “Watch your step!” He shouts, only to look up to see Yuna and Elene. “Oh brother, what do you two want?” Yuna glances at Yuzuru. “Why’re you with Javier?” Yuzuru looks at Javi as if expecting him to answer.

 

“Hey, I’m talking to you!” Yuzuru looks back at Yuna. “We’re hanging…just for funs.” Yuna glares up at Javier. “Seriously Javier? If I’d have known that you were into men, I would’ve stopped trying long ago.” Javier’s eyes widen. “Whoa! I am not into Yuzuru!” He lets go of Yuzuru and walks to Yuna. His firm hands grip her waist. “I’m not into him. He’s just some kid I have to watch for Orser.” Yuzuru’s heart drops again. He can’t believe his ears.

 

“Oh yeah? Why’re you buying him gifts? I’m sure Cortney would love to hear about this.” Yuna pulls her phone out and dials Cortney’s number. “Stop that Yuna! I already told you that I’m only babysitting him! He’s nothing to me, don’t fucking call my girlfriend!” Yuna tilts her head. “Oh? Then maybe I should go straight to the media with this. I can see the headlines now. ‘Orser’s pupil also homosexual. What’s left of the others?’” She laughs along with Elene.

 

“And then you wonder why I didn’t want to keep dating you! You’re a horrible human being! You’re talking about your coach, Yuna! You have no respect or love for anyone but yourself. It’s so sad.” Yuna scoffs and throws her Starbucks at Javier. “Fuck you.” She turns around. “Yeah, I tried to and I’m so glad I didn’t get to.” Zap. She’s gone.

 

Yuzuru’s standing there, looking at Javi with tears pooling in his eyes. “Yuzuru…” He attempts to reach out to stroke Yuzu’s cheek, but the teen quickly moves his face away. “Yuzu, please…I didn’t mean that. If I didn’t say that, she’d never go away.” He envelopes Yuzu in his arms, but Yuzuru uses all of his force to push Javi away. Without a second thought, Yuzuru drops the bag and runs out of the store.

 

“Yuzuru, wait!” Javi grabs the bags and runs after him. 

 


	8. {8/?} Decisions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru tangles up with Patrick & Javier. He struggles with his will to cut.

"Yuzu! Wait!" Damn did he run fast. Javier is panting, staring at Yuzu. "Get away from the ledge Yuzu...I was only saying that so Yuna wouldn't bother you or me!" Yuzuru is walking along the ledge of the mall's roof. In his mind, he had every reason to jump. Why the hell not? He didn't want this anymore. He didn't want or need the pain he was receiving from everyone. Why was he still here in the first place? Yuzuru steps onto the actual ledge on the roof, staring down at all the moving cars and buses. 

"Yuzuru, get off of there!! Are you crazy!? El chico esta loco! Get off of there!" Yuzuru smiles as he sheds a few tears. "No point Jabi...everyone hates me..." Javier sighs and steps closer to Yuzuru. "That isn't true...I don't hate you. I like you quite a lot. You're a good guy..." "No-- No you said I was nothing! Nothing to you, nothing to anyone! No body wanting me around! Let me just die...please..."

Javier knew that Yuzuru had problems, but he didn't think that they were this bad. "Yuzuru, I'm begging you to please come down from there...I can help you..." Yuzuru shakes his head and turns his head to look Javier dead in the eye. "No one can do this...not possible..."  He mumbles as he looks back towards traffic. He closes his eyes and stretches his arms out. " _Arigatou gozaimashita! Gomen'nasai..._ " He shouts in his mother tongue.

Just as he's about to let himself go, Javier grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him to the ground. Javier also lies on top of him to prevent him from running. Yuzuru's eyes fly open and stare at the Spanish man on top of him. He's speechless. He's angry. He was...so close.

"How can you try to do something like that in front of me..." Javier is in major shock. Yuzuru was going to kill himself in front of Javier, because of Javier.  Yuzuru looks away after Javi asks the question. He wasn't thinking of anyone but himself. "Yuzuru... anything you want me to do...please ask. But do not ever try to die like that...please..." Javier thinks back to when he saw Yuzu's cut thighs. Yuzuru was silent. He had not one thing to say to Javi. 

Javier leans close to Yuzuru's face, his breath tickling the surface of Yuzuru's skin. Yuzuru looks back at Javier. He's still moving in. Just as their lips are about to touch, Yuzu looks away. He has a girlfriend. Javier sighs and gets off of Yuzuru. "I-I'm sorry I don't know why I tried to kiss you...if you don't tell anyone...I won't..." Yuzuru simply nods. Yuna was right, and Javier's actions confirmed her theory. 

 

☀

 

Yuzuru's tray is empty. "Grab whatever dish you want carino..." Yuzuru nods. After the ordeal on the rooftop, Javier takes them to the food court. Javi asks for a regular plate of Chinese food. It came with shrimp fried rice, sweet n sour chicken, teriyaki chicken, and a drink. Yuzu just orders a simple noodle dish with water.

They take a seat at one of the empty tables, and began to eat shortly after. "You're not eating enough Yuzu..." Yuzuru looks up from his food, sauce on his cheek again. "Here," Javi says while stabbing a piece of chicken onto his fork. "Try this, it's really good..." He places the fork in front of Yuzuru. Yuzuru looks at him questioningly. Nevertheless, he leans forward and takes the chicken into his mouth. He chews around a bit and nods, licking his lips. "Is good..." He murmurs, returning to his noodles. 

Javier sighs. He's made Yuzuru uneasy and he knows it. Yuzuru probably has no feelings for him anyway. What reason did he have for trying to kiss him? And how would that make anything better? Javi's looking down the whole time, deep in thought. Hearing a soft whine is what causes him to look up. Yuzuru's dangling his fork in front of Javi's face, trying to balance the noodles. Javi smiles sadly and does the same action that Yuzu did earlier. He chews the noodles and smiles as he swallows. "Good...?" The teen asks in a shy voice. "Good." Javier affirms with a stern nod. Yuzuru sheds the slightest smile and that's enough to melt Javier's heart.

 

☀

 

They spent the rest of the time looking for small gifts for Cortney, and whatever else Javier needed to buy. As they're leaving, Yuzuru spots something that he really, really wants in a Disney booth. He quickly shoves his hands into his pockets, digging up a few coins. He counts them out loud in English, brows furrowing as he constantly glances back and forth between the price tag and the coins in his hand. He doesn't have enough money to buy what he wants.

Javier has been watching Yuzuru. He feels bad because the teen couldn't purchase what he wanted. "Hey, Yuzu. Can you throw this cup away for me please?" Yuzu has a sad look on his face but nods, taking the cup. Javi points him towards the furthest trashcan from the booth they were at. Once Yuzuru is gone, he turns to the vendor. "Hey, how much for this?" Javi holds the item up. "It's $10." Javi pulls out the bill and hands it to the vendor. He quickly glances at Yuzuru who's making his way back from the trashcan. "And how much for that one up there? The vendor points to another item. "This one?" "No, no. The one next to it." The vendor pulls the item from the display and checks the tag. "$15." Javier quickly pulls out the bills and grabs the items, pushing them into the bag from the other stores so Yuzu wouldn't think he bought anything from the vendor. "Thank you."

Yuzuru finally returns with a slight pout, staring up at the item. " _I wanted it so much..._ " He mumbles in Japanese. "Ready to go home carino?" Yuzuru nods and waits for Javi to lead them out.  

 

☀

 

"I hope you had fun carino..." Javier mumbles, reaching behind the driver's seat to grab the bag with Yuzuru's presents in it. "I did...Thank you Jabi." Yuzuru opens the door and Javi grabs his wrist. "Wait, you almost forgot your glasses and scarves." Yuzuru nods and takes the bag, bowing his head. "Look inside..." Yuzuru frowns and opens the bag. When he sees what's inside, his eyes widen. "When you buying this!?" "I bought it when you were throwing the cup away." Javier blushes as Yuzuru lunges towards him and wraps his arms around the Spaniard. "Thank you soooooo much Jabi! Thank you!"

{ Items inside:

  

and 

 }

"I hope you write in your diary now if you're sad...don't hurt yourself...people love you okay?" Yuzuru nods and pecks Javi's cheek. "Goodnight Javi. I'll text you!" Javi waves his friend off and drives off when Yuzuru's enters the building.

 

☀

 

"Yuzu! I'm glad you're home." Yuzuru was beaming happily. " _Hello mommy! How was your day?_ " His mother gives him a hug and whispers. "Are you cutting again? I was cleaning your room and..." Yuzuru pulls back and gives her a genuine looking smile. " _I promised I stopped mommy! I only needed to shave that's why you found them. I have to shower now._ " Yumi nods. "You aren't going to eat?" " _Oh, I already ate thank you._ " He walks to his room. "Yuzu, you also have a guest in there." Yuzuru nods and opens the door. 

"Hey Yuzu!" Patrick stands and opens his arms. Yuzu sets the bags down and walks into Patrick's arms. "I would've texted you to ask to hang out but you just got a phone and werent home by the time I got here." Yuzuru smiles apologetically. "We can hanging out now Patrick...just lemme shower first." Patrick nods and steps back to let Yuzu move. 

 

☀

 

Yuzuru winces as the hot water hits his thigh skin. He's cut again. He couldn't fight the demons off today. He just couldn't. He cut 7 rows across both of his thighs. The number 7 symbolizing 7 things he hates about himself.  After his shower, he dries up and applies his face cream to prevent acne. He moisturizes his skin and blow dries his hair, then returns to Patrick. 

"Oh-- you look like you're ready for bed." Yuzuru nods, and grabs the pill bottle from his nightstand. He takes 2 of them and drinks from the tea his mom left him earlier. "I thought we could go out, but we can stay in here and watch a movie..." Patrick looks disappointed so Yuzu walks to him and pulls him to the bed. "Let's watch movie and cud-..cuddly?" Patrick smiles and nods. "I'll go set it up!" 

Patrick looks through Yuzuru's DVDs and picks one, then pops it into the DVD player. Once the movie starts to play on Yuzu's TV, Patrick walks to the bed and sits. "Who're you texting Yuzu?" Yuzuru smiles and locks his screen, stroking his phone case. "Just friend from the skate club..." Patrick nods and gets beneath the sheets, arms wrapping around Yuzu's waist.

> [sms; to Jabi ♥]
> 
> I have to go! >_< Goodnight~ ♥
> 
>  

Yuzuru stops paying attention to the movie. He's distracted by Patrick's hands moving all over his body. "Yuzuru...I wanna be honest about something..." Yuzu nods, pushing his glasses further up. "I want to kiss you..." Yuzuru's eyes widen at Patrick's confession. But he didn't refuse. 

Patrick inches closer and pecks Yuzuru's lips. "May I?" He asks, to which Yuzu nods. Patrick wastes no time and rolls on top of Yuzuru. His lips are devouring Yuzu's in a heated, passionate kiss. Yuzuru's responding to the kiss quite well. He's just as fervent, his head, mouth, and tongue moving along with Patrick's. It all feels so good...It feels safe. 

Second by second, Yuzuru allows himself to slide deeper into the kiss. He's letting his guard down now as Patrick's tongue delves deep into his mouth. His lips curl around Patrick's tongue and suck the juices from it for a few moments before releasing it. Patrick is moaning and groaning quietly. 

Patrick's cold hands creep up Yuzuru's shirt and glide against his soft skin. His fingers stop at the hardened nubs, and pinches at them softly. Yuzuru lets out a whine-like moan into Patrick's mouth. He's completely turned on.

Suddenly, Yuzuru feels tired. "Fuck..t-the meds..." His head is spinning and he feels like he's going to knock out any time soon. "Sleep then Yuzu..." Without a moments notice, Yuzu's head drops. Patrick's arms stay firm around Yuzu's waist. He'd already asked Yuzu's mom for permission to sleep over. Now he, too, can sleep peacefully like the boy beside him. 


	9. {9/?} Epiphany.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru visits therapy and reveals something he's never told anyone before-- not even himself.
> 
> {I just bawled while writing the part about Juliet...leave feedback please? As always, I appreciate your thoughts/critiques/opinions greatly. ♥ Thank you for reading thus fair, as things are about to boil up!

When Yuzu wakes up, he feels extremely ill. He doesn't know what’s wrong, but he does know that he’s highly nauseous. He gets up to join his mom out in the living room. “What’s wrong baby…?” She asks. “ _I feel nauseous and light headed…._ " She offers to make him some ginger tea. "Patrick’s still in my room mommy… I thought he went home?" She smiles. "He asked to sleep over. I thought you’d like having a friend over?" " _I did..I do! It’s just the meds…_ " He takes a seat on the counter. " _Mom could you please consider online school…? School is really hard for me in English and I get teased…it’s hard mom…please?_ " He wasn't lying. School really was hard. 

As she’s about to reply, Patrick walks out. “Good morning Patrick-kun. Did you rest well?” He smiles at Yuzuru, then at his mom “I slept wonderfully Ms. Hanyu, than you! How did you rest?” Yumi smiles. “I slept fine, thank you. I cooked breakfast for you guys.” Yuzuru smiles shyly towards Patrick. “Mrs. Hanyu, did you tell Yuzuru about the hotel party we spoke about?” Yuzuru’s head tilted. “I've already said yes~ I’ll give Yuzuru the money to give to you.”

"What party…" Yuzu finally speaks out. "I’ll explain at school~ for now let’s eat." Yuzu nods and follows Pat to the dining area. Yuzuru didn't like how Patrick was asking his mom for permission to go to places, when Yuzu himself doesn't even know if he wants to go. It wasn't fair that Pat didn't ask Yuzu if he wanted to go first. "What’s wrong Yuzu…?" Yuzuru shakes his head and takes a bite from his omelet. "But— You’re so cold to me. Did I do something wrong?" Yuzuru sighs. "Next time, maybe you asking me before asking my mother?" 

Patrick tilts his head. “You’re mad because I asked to hang out with you?” Yuzuru shakes his head and continues eating. “You not asking me to sleep over.. you not asking me about party? I don’t like. You ask my mom and if I don’t wanting to go?” Patrick puts his utensils down. “Sorry to disrupt you.” Patrick gets up from the table and walks away. Yuzuru rolls his eyes and drinks off his tea. “I’m gonna get ready for school.” He mumbles before walking to his room. 

☀

 

 ”Yuzu…I’m sorry okay?” Patrick mumbles as he and Yuzu walk to school. “I just really want us to hang out more. Please don’t take it the wrong way.” Yuzu nods. “I forgive you.” Patrick stops them and gives Yuzuru’s lips a soft peck. “Do you want me to walk you to therapy?” Yuzu smiles and no while glancing up at Pat. “Definite.”

 

☀

School was a drag. The kids were mean. They continued to make fun of Yuzuru's English, and teased him about his skating costumes. Sadly, Patrick wasn't of much use because he keeps to himself during school. 

 

☀

 

It's time for lunch. Yuzuru grabs his tray and waits in line with Patrick. "Why do you keep sniffing that sweater?" Patrick asks the obviously confused Yuzu. "Eh..." Yuzuru blushes. "I'm not~" He replies in a cute accent. "Where's it from anyway?" Yuzuru hums. "Friend gave to me." He leans over to grab a packaged ham & cheese sandwich. Patrick huffs silently. "What friend? I'm supposed to be giving you gifts, not others..." Patrick looks up at Yuzuru, who grabs a pudding cup and places it on his tray. He wasn't ignoring Patrick. He just didn't know what to respond. They weren't dating, so why was Patrick so upset? 

As Yuzuru reaches for a water bottle, Patrick grabs his wrist, quite harshly. Yuzuru's eyes travel from his tray, to Patrick's hand, to Patrick's eyes. He tries to pull his hand away but Patrick stays firm. "Please let go--" Yuzu pleads, his fingers beginning to get numb.  Patrick slowly lets go of Yuzuru's wrist and sighs. This was all to similar to the young Japanese boy. 

 

☀

Yuzuru sits with Patrick and his friends outside. He sways from side to side while munching the sandwich, his cheeks bouncing. Scott is sitting with them again. "So, Pat. Rents is still a go right?" Patrick nods. A group of kids from the school were going to rent out hotel rooms next weekend. Like any other high school party, there will be drugs, alcohol, and sex. "Is Yuzuru going?" Yuzuru hears his name being said in the conversation but doesn't dare to look up. "Yeah. His mom said yes and she's already made the bank deposit. We're set." 

"Is he actually gonna do anything or is he gonna just sit there?" Patrick glances at a student that walks up to Yuzuru. "Yuzuru, you left this in class..." Michael hands Yuzuru his Pooh journal and pen. A quick blush spreads across Yuzu's face as he grabs the journal and stuffs it away. "I didn't read it don't worry..." Yuzu bows his head at Michael. "Thank you..." The whole time, Patrick is seething with envy. Yuzuru doesn't smile at him that way. Yuzuru doesn't treat him that nicely. 

Michael waves at Yuzuru and as he walks away, Patrick sticks his leg out. Michael accidentally trips over it and lands on his face. "Ah, man! You oughta watch where you're going..." Patrick laughs along with Scott and the others. Michael quickly gets up, embarrassed, and runs off with a face red as cherries.  Yuzuru saw the whole damn thing. "You are jerk!" Yuzuru collects his things and tries to walk off. Patrick, much like earlier, reaches in and grabs Yuzu's wrist. Same spot, same tight grip.

"Where do you think you're heading off to?" Patrick yanks Yuzuru down to sit back on the bench. "Sit down, we haven't finished our meal." Yuzuru winces and bites on his lip. If this were Dai, Yuzu would try to make up for it with sex. But Patrick is different. "I-I have to go..." Yuzuru whispers, staring down at his gripped wrist. "I'll walk you." 

 

☀

 

Walk? Hah. Did Yuzuru suddenly transform into a dog? Patrick drags him out to the front of the school like a parent dragging their troubled child out of school. "You're hurting!!" Yuzuru would cry out, but no one cared enough to do a thing. "You said you had therapy. I'll walk you." Yuzuru sighs shakily. He didn't have the energy to fight Patrick off. 

The honk of a horn brought them both to their senses. "Who the hell--" Yuzuru looks up. Thank goodness. "Jabi!" Javier notices how Yuzuru's wrist is gripped and Patrick lets go, fast. Javier puts the car in park and rushes out to pull Yuzu away from Patrick. "Why are your hands on him?" Patrick only focuses on Yuzu. "What's this? You set me up?" Yuzuru backs away and hides behind Javier. "Do not EVER put your hands on him again." Patrick laughs. "Or what? You'll spray me with your cheap cologne?" Javier decides not to waste any more time. While walking Yuzu to the car, he stops in front of Patrick. "By the way, it's versace." Javier bumps shoulder's with Patrick before getting Yuzu and himself situated in the car. 

Patrick slams the hood of the car before walking off angrily. 

Yuzuru's only able to look at his bruised wrist, embarrassed. "Does it hurt carino...?" Yuzu nods softly and bites his lip. "T-thank you...for the rescue..." Javier smiles and curls his index finger beneath Yuzu's chin, lifting it just slightly to lock eyes with Yuzu. "Thank Brian...he couldn't make it so he asked me to pick you up." Yuzuru nods, teeth only sinking deeper into his lower lip. They're both still. There's silence. 

"Uh...I'm gonna drive you to therapy now..." Javier finally speaks up. Yuzuru nods and rips away from Javier's gaze.

 

☀

 

"I'll be out here when you finish, hm?" Yuzu nods and enter's the doctor's office. "Ah, it's good to see you again." Yuzu greets his therapist and lies down on the couch. "Let's cut to it, I hear you've got a long practice ahead of you." The doctor winks and hands Yuzuru a pink slip. Yuzuru tucks it away without thinking twice. He didn't even bother to read it. 

"Lets skip ahead to the first time you've had a sexual experience?" The therapist suspects that Yuzuru was sexually abused, and bound by law, he must venture into this topic. 

"I-...it's.." Yuzuru sighs. "It was when we started to date..."

 

[Flash-back]

"I'm you're boyfriend Yuzuru. How can you not want to have sex with me?" Yuzuru fidgets with his blanket. "I'm only 15 Dai...I'm scared..." Daisuke laughs right in his face. "Then go the fuck home. Why date me? You're just a kid. And I'm an idiot for thinking you'd be the least bit mature." Yuzuru starts to tear up. "But they said it hurts a lot your first time...I'm just scared...I do want to give you my virginity...but I'm scared Dai...I don't want it to hurt..." Oh. Now he gets it.

"Yuzu, the pain melts away. It becomes pleasure. You wanna know what pain is...? Pain is my knee. When the ligaments tore--" He couldnt finish. "Just trust me to do this. If you love me, you'll do it." What choice did he have? He didn't want Dai to be hurt and wanted to prevent an argument. "O-okay.."

-

Turns out Yuzu was more sensitive than Dai anticipated. He came within the first 4 minutes of preparation. He's lucky that Yuzu was able to hold out on exploding into Dai's mouth. It did hurt quite a bit, but Dai was right. The pleasure surpassed the pain. 

-

"D-do you love me Daisuke...?" Yuzuru asks in a broken tone, voice shaking with worry. Dai is only able to hold him close. He held him while the boy cried.

 

[End of Flashback]

 

The doctor jots this info down and nods. "So you didn't give him the gift with all your heart...?" Yuzuru shakes his head. "I wasn't ready...I loved him, but I wasn't ready."  "So do you regret giving him the present before its due time?" Yuzuru shrugs. He couldn't know unless he had the chance to go back and change things. "Did he ever force you into it...?" Yuzuru tilts his head. "Directly? No. He never flat out said things like 'I'm going to fuck you and you're gonna like it.' It was more subtle...he spoke words with double meanings...he'd always tease my body...then say things like 'I don't get why you're holding back...I thought we loved each other.' I was so young and vulnerable...so I guess I believed him..." 

It was indeed sexual abuse, as well as mental manipulation. "What things did he say of your body..." Yuzuru pulls out his journal and hands it over. He was asked to write things he disliked about himself. "Most of it's in there...when I'd eat he'd say I'm a pig and that I'm eating all the food...if I showered too long, he'd get angry and say I'm wasting his resources...If I mention skating he says even worse things..." "So you were a threat to him?" Yuzuru nods. "Why do you think so?" Yuzuru sighs. "I think...I think the injury made him realize that his career will be cut short...I'm going to surpass him for sure. And that angered him...I think...I think he got involved with me to tear me down and ruin me so he could feel better and secure...After his surgery, my life slowly became hell... and I don't think he did this on purpose, that's the scariest part." 

"And your attempts? Were they caused by him?" Yuzuru looks down. "I won't say it was only him...but most of the reason was because I wanted him to love me...and I kind of always knew that he didn't...he's poison...poison that I could not resist...no matter how hard I fought...no matter how hard he hit me, screamed at me, how hard he fucked me...I couldn't walk away..." 

"What's one thing he said that hurt you the most?" It takes Yuzuru a while to answer, mainly because he's choking up. "One day, after I won't a competition...we were having sex... and he looks at me while pounding in, and says 'You're so ugly, my cock is going limp by just looking at you...' His mouth said one thing but his manhood spoke the exact opposite...He took a pillow and put it over my face. He pressed ont o it tightly and it became hard to breathe...I think that he was so upset, he wanted to kill me...I couldn't breathe and I was close to my climax. I already have horrible asthma, combined with an orgasm I'm at a near attack...not to mention the pillow on my face...I started to lose consciousness and that's when the pillow was removed...I thought I was going to die and I just laid there and took it..." "And how old were you then...?" "15..." The doctor grimaces. 

"I wasn't the same anymore after that day...and that's when the attempts started...I've alweays wanted to commit suicide but didn't have a good enough reason...I finally did...and for some reason...I loved that..." Yuzuru makes a face, more to himself than anything. "Maybe that's why I felt I couldn't escape...it's not that I couldn't...it's that I didn't want to. He gave me a reason to escape...and it caused me to want to stay...it made it easier to believe all that Dai said about me...It ... it was the poison...Like Juliet, I desperately wanted out...the only way she felt like she could escape was with Romeo. She drank the potion and waited to be together with Romeo, but he took a while to come. And when he did, it was too late...the message never got to him...so he killed himself, thinking that his love was gone forever...When Juliet came to... her love was dead, so she kills herself, too...Death is my Romeo...the message is Dai...It never got to me, just as the message never got to Romeo from Friar Lawrence, meaning he never pushed hard enough to successfully kill myself...Dai is the message...Romeo died before I, Juliet, got a chance to be with him at last...and no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't join Romeo in the end...No matter how far I reached, or cried, or screamed...Romeo wasn't coming back to me...Juliet is still alive when she shouldn't be...Juliet is still here...Juliet is... Juliet is me?" Yuzuru questions while looking up at the doctor.  "J-Juliet is me...." He whispers while pointing to himself.

Epiphany. Yuzuru finally realizes the true connection of his life to the story of Romeo and Juliet. He never quite understood it this way before. He thought it was because of the earthquake, but it wasn't. "That's the true story behind your long program?" Yuzuru stays still. "I never...I never thought that that was the reason...but it is...I want my Romeo to come back for me...why'd he leave...? It's so unfair..why didn't the send the message quicker? I couldn't...we could have been together for years now..." Yuzuru hasn't noticed the itchy tears streaming down his cheeks.

The doctor is shocked beyond his own belief. He hands Yuzu the tissue box and analyzes the 3 pages of notes written on the story alone. "That's enough for today...is it possible for you to return tomorrow? I wanna take some more time to review these notes..." Yuzuru nods and wipes his tears. "You may go..." 

 

☀

 

Javier drives Yuzu to the skate club after therapy. He doesn't want to ask what went on in there as Yuzu seems shaken up. 

"Yuna! I need a favor..." Brian waves her over. "What is it coach?" "Well..Yuzu isn't cleared to skate yet and I need someone to sho-" "Coach, no. I came here to train, not to babysit some kid." Brian sighs. "I wish you'd be less selfish." "If I wasn't, I wouldn't have won the gold." She skates off with an attitude. Yuzuru and Javi both skate onto the ice, Yuzuru waving a pink slip around. "I'm clear!!" He's shouting. Brian's face is flushed with excitement as he meets them halfway. "That's such great news!!" He takes the slip and gives both Yuzu and Javi a big hug. 

"Alright, enough excitement. Let's warm up. Today we'll just work on technique." Yuzuru nods and takes Javier's hand so they can go warm up.

 

☀

 

Practice is tiring and Javi's giving Yuzu a ride home. "Carino, what do you say after practice tomorrow, we hang out at my place? You can sleep over too." Yuzu smiles. He likes that idea very much. "Mm, I'll asking mommy and texting you answer?" Javi pulls up the Yuzu's apartment complex and nods. "If she says yes, bring a bag with extra clothes in it!" Yuzuru unbuckles his safety belt, opens the door and before running off, he lightly pecks Javier's lips. Before being able to respond, Yuzuru's already ran off into the apartment. "Cono...what is he doing to me..." Javi mumbles before driving off. 

 

☀

 

Yuzuru is lying in bed, bathed, glasses on. He's debating whether he should text Dai or not. 

> [text to; Hato ♥]
> 
> I miss you...please text back soon...

He attaches a picture of himself lying down in bed and presses send. He takes his glasses off and places them on the night stand after plugging his phone into the charger.

Fast asleep, lies Juliet. Dreaming of her beloved Romeo.

 

 


	10. {10?} Phew.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: RAPE TRIGGER!

**[Dream]**

It was a Tuesday. It'd been raining all day. Yuzuru had packed lunch and a few fun things to play with in his bag. He was going to visit Dai again. His feelings have grown since he first saw Dai. He saw Dai skating to an [exhibition program](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4Ztn4ZOgjE&feature=youtu.be) at age 12. Maybe it was the artistry, maybe it was the raw emotion, but Yuzuru felt something he never felt before. Nevertheless, Dai injured his knee and was in the hospital. That's where Yuzu was going. To visit his new friend. 

His fingertips tingled as anxiety rushed through him. A couple more steps and he'd be in front of Dai's room. He wasn't ready. He had all sorts of doubts. What if Dai didn't want to see him? He'd been very emotional lately. What if Dai screams at him? What if Dai cried? These thoughts penetrated his mind as he continued to walk, his hand clutching his sling bag. 

There it was...Dai's room. Yuzuru lifted his fist to knock, but before he could, he heard a loud sob come from inside the room. "Dai..." He murmured, hand shakily pushing down the handle. He walked in and saw things thrown  around in Dai's room. It was a complete mess. He set his things down and went to sit besides the crying male. "What happened Dai...? Why is your room a mess?" Daisuke only shook his head and wiped at his tears. "Just go home kid." He uttered coldly. "I don't need pity."

Yuzuru frowned at his friend's words. "You really think I'm here to pity you...? I'm not...I brought games for us to play..." He suddenly looked down, feeling stupid. Maybe he was just a kid. "I don't want to play games. I don't want to do anything. The doctor said I'd never be able to jump again. My career is over. It's ruined." Yuzuru remained silent. "I don't believe your career is over...far from it...you just have to work hard Dai...I believe in you. I know you can do it."  

Dai laughed. "You're such a kid. I don't want to be alive anymore. There's nothing to live for, kid..." Yuzuru stared at Dai with wide eyes. "H-How can you say that? How can you say that!" Dai only looked away, more tears streaming down his face. "You can't die! It's not time for you to die!" Dai laughed. "What do you know Yuzuru? You're young...have nice knees...your life is perfect..." Yuzuru, being the emotional teen that he was, started to cry. He didn't want Dai to take his life. "Don't cry anymore Dai..." He wraps his arms around Daisuke and sniffs. "Don't cry because if you cry, I cry... don't die..if you die, I'll wanna die too...Don't be sad anymore...if you're sad, I'll be sad...I'm here for you, Dai... I may be small and young but I care a lot about you..." Yuzuru paused. They were both shaking quite hard. Dai had silently been crying, touched by his younger friend's words. Yuzuru was shaking from the anxiety, and from how nervous he was. This could all be a huge mistake, but Yuzuru was going to go for it. He rested his head in Dai's chest. "Dai...I..I'm gonna tell you something...it's a secret okay..." Daisuke nodded, not expecting anything too serious. The kid was only 13.

Yuzuru reached for his bag and pulled out his old Pooh bear plushy. "I want you to have Pooh...I love him very much...he can help you feel better...I-...It's hard to say this Dai...but I really like you.. more than friends...I know I'm still young, but...I really....I adore you, Dai..." Yuzuru was near fainting. He'd never confessed to anyone before, and the fact that his first time was to a man was even more nerve racking. Yuzuru looked towards the plushy and smiled. "Dai-san is great, hm Pooh...? You'll keep him company won't you...?" He handed Dai his favorite plushy in the entire world. Dai took the plushy, hesitantly and speechless. 

"I'll try my hardest to heal you...or die trying...that's my promise to you..." He rested his head back on top of Dai's shoulder and sighed shakily. "Yuzu..." Dai speaks out, but Yuzu hushes him. "You don't have to say it back...just...let's rest.." The young boy closed his eyes and Dai followed.

**[End of Dream]**

Yuzuru wakes up slowly after that dream. That's how things started between him & Dai. He reaches for his glasses and phone. There was a new message. Dai texted back.

What is he supposed to reply to that? 

There was no use in replying. It'd just make Dai angry. He forces himself out of bed and gets ready for school. 

 

☀

 

" _Mommy...Javier invited me to sleep over today after practice.... can I go?_ " Yuzuru's mom's eyes widen. "Sleep over? Isn't he over 20? Why do you only have male friends?" He sighs. " _Mom I don't want to do this now. You know that I like guys. You know I dated Dai, so please spare me. Javi's just a friend. Besides, he has a girlfriend._ " She raises a brow. "Do you like him?" Yuzuru shrugs softly. " _Doesn't matter...he's the only friend I have right now and he makes me feel safe, mom...can I go? Please?_ " "But what about Patrick? He's a nice guy..." Yuzuru inwardly wants to scream. He does not like how possessive Patrick is over him. It scares him. " _Mom...I...Patrick and I aren't really friends okay? I don't have time to explain, Javier needs an answer right now_." She sighs. "If you want to go, then go. Have fun, bye." Yuzuru shrugs, and walks into his room to pack.

 

☀

 

Yuzuru put his bag in Javier's trunk and got into the passenger's seat. "Good morning, Jabi." Javi smiles. "Yes, yes it is." Yuzu blushes and  reaches to hold Javier's hand. Javier stops and looks at Yuzu. "What are you doing...?" Oh shit. He didn't even realize. "I'm so sorry..." Javier clears his throat. "I have a girlfriend Yuzuru...you know this..." Yuzuru just nods and looks out the window. "Last night you kissed me, too...why?" Yuzuru shrugs. "I just...thought you wanted." Javier sighs. Maybe he did want it. 

 

☀

 

"I'll pick you up after school for practice?" "I have therapy..." He sighs. "I'll take you there, then the skating club okay?" Yuzuru shrugs. "Why're you acting like this Yuzuru?" He shrugs again and unbuckles his safety belt. "Did I say something wrong Yuzu?" "I have to go to class." He mumbles, getting out of the car. Javier gives up and drives off once Yuzuru walks away.

 

☀

 

 "Yuzuru, you've got a huge ass pimple on your forehead." He looks up at Patrick and bites his lower lip. "I'm sorry..." "I can't be around someone with a pizza face." Yuzuru sighs. He was tired of Patrick's shit. "Honestly then just don't talking to me. I'm annoyed with it! Leave me alone." Patrick lifts a hand and smacks Yuzuru across the face, hard. "Who do you think you're talking to?!" The whole class looks up from their textbooks. 

Yuzuru stands and gathers his things, only to have them smacked out of his hands. "Hey!!! Why're you doing this mean things!!!" "Why are you whoring around with Javier Fernandez?? You think he wants you? He probably just wants to fuck you. That's all." Yuzuru starts to pant in rage. How dare he say that about Javier. "I'm not going to party with you. I'm not your friend." Patrick laughs. "Fine with me. I'll get what I only wanted from you." Patrick laughs again and motions for Scott to come drag Yuzu out of the class. 

 

☀

 

Yuzuru is panting harshly, the back of his hand wiping some blood from his lip. Patrick & Scott brought him to supply shed behind the school. "Get him naked." Patrick instructs, causing Yuzuru to shake his head. "No! Patrick, don't touch!!" He's kicking and squirming in Scott's hold, but he's far too weak and powerless. Patrick was too busy getting himself hard to care. "Please...don't do this..." He looks around frantically, still panting. "Yuzuru, I never wanted your friendship...I sorta just wanted to fuck you but you had to go and complicate things." Yuzuru starts to scream for help, only to get punched in the face by Patrick. While Yuzu's mouth is open, Patrick shoves a pill down his throat.

After a few minutes, he stops squirming and falls limp in Scott's arms. Scott lies him down on the ground and starts to undress him. Yuzuru's eyes roll to the back of his head and his head lolls from side to side. He's still protesting, though he's very, very weak. 

Next thing he knows, Patrick is hovering over him, shoving something hard inside. He gives the slightest of groans as Patrick continues on with thrusting. "mmmn...h-hah.." He'd let out occasionally after Patrick grunts. 

He exposes of the condom once he's done and re-dresses Yuzuru. 

 

☀

 

When he comes to, Yuzuru's awakened with a sharp pain in his lower back. He looks around with a scrunched up face, not exactly remembering what happened after fighting off Scott. He checks the time. Javier should be out in front by now. Yuzuru limps out front to Javi's car and gets in. "Why the limp?" Yuzuru licks his swollen lip and shrugs. "Your therapist called Brian...you don't have to go." He nods and rubs at his forehead. "I have pimple..it hurts.." "Do you have acne stuff?" He shakes his head. "It ran out." "I'll take you to buy some." Yuzuru simply nods and stares out the window. 

 

☀

 

Javier and Yuzuru enter the shop and Javi leads Yuzu to the cosmetics section. Yuzu looks around at the items. They're all too expensive for him. "Ah...forget..I just stay like this." Javier frowns. "Why...?" "Is too many moneies..." "I've got it. I'll pay for--" "No, stop..You not my boyfriend. You don't have to..." "I'm your friend...I want to help." He picks out one of the more expensive acne care sets and walks to the register. 

 

☀

 

After warm-ups, Javi and Yuzu were working on their fundamental skating technique. Yuzuru kept falling due to the pain in his lower back. The fact that he was falling straight on his ass didn't help either. "Do you need help Yuzuru?" Brian asks as he crosses his arms. "I'm ok..." He nods and steps back to let Yuzuru work it out. 3 axel, popped. 3 flip, falls flat on his ass. 3 lutz, 3 toe combo, -- you get the idea. 

Practice ended earlier today because Brian figured some rest would do everyone good. 

 

☀

 

After taking a shower, Yuzuru joins Javi in the kitchen to help him cook dinner. "Did the acne stuff work?" Yuzuru smiles and nods, his arms wrapping around Javier's waist. "What happened today carino?" Yuzuru blinks. What did happen...? "I can't remember...and I don't wanna to remember..." Javier nods and hums to the Spanish music playing in the background. "Baila, baila..." Yuzuru starts to dance to the beat of the music, causing Javier to laugh loudly. "Carino! Not like that-- like this." Javier sets the utensils down and grabs Yuzuru, pulling him into salsa position. He presses closer to Yuzuru and starts to guide him around the kitchen, dancing salsa. Yuzuru giggles while dancing with Javier, his heart fluttering uncontrollably. As the song finishes, Javier returns to the dinner, while Yuzuru sets the table. 

 

☀

 

Dinner was quiet and somewhat awkward. "Do you like me Yuzuru...?" Javi asks as he cleans the dishes. "I dunno what you mean..." Javier sets the dishes away in the dishwasher and takes Yuzuru's hand, leading him to the bedroom. They sit on the bed and Javier sighs shakily and cups Yuzuru's cheeks. "Tell me I'm not crazy...Yuzuru tell me you feel something when you're with me..." Yuzuru exhales deeply. Javier has a girlfriend. Nothing can happen between them. "Tell me that when you see me, you wanna kiss me too..." He starts to pant, frustration tearing at his soul. "I-I do Javi-- but--" That's all he needed to hear.

Javier's lips collide with Yuzuru's harshly, causing him to fall over, Javier on top of him. Their lips move quickly and desperately. They both want to feel. Especially Yuzuru. 

Yuzuru's arms and legs wrap around Javier's neck and waist as their tongues do the Spanish tango. Yuzuru doesn't bother to hold back his moans. 

Javier's lips latch onto Yuzuru's neck and starts to suck at it harshly, while Yuzu is left moaning and writhing. "K-Kimochi!" He shouts. He feels as he's about to burst right there as Javier goes straight to his pants. His hand is palming it quite hard, gradually bringing Yuzuru to full stiffness. Once Javier is satisfied with the rigidity of Yuzuru's manhood, he carefully slides his boxers down, watching as the young Japanese boy's length pops out and smacks against his lower stomach. 

Yuzuru glances down at Javier, teeth sinking into his lower lip. Javier's tongue pokes out and swipes across the tip, causing Yuzuru's hips to jerk up. Javi decides to tease some more and leans back up, stroking Yuzuru harshly as he kisses at his lips lovingly. "J-Javi--" The front door opens. 

"Javi baby! Where are you?!" Javier's eyes fly open and he throws Yuzuru off the bed, then forces him into the bathroom. As he closes the door to the bathroom, Cortney opens the door to Javi's bedroom. "There you are. I missed you!" He walks to her and gives her lips a peck. "Let's go to the livingroom..."

 

Yuzuru stays in the bathroom, heart racing. He splashes cold water on his face after Cortney and Javi leave. Fuck.

 


	11. {11/?} She Knows.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter~ feedback is always welcomed ^^ 
> 
> PS: I listened to this song while writing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebXbLfLACGM

 

Just as Yuzuru sends that text message he stands and looks through Javier's cabinets in hopes of finding a bottle of pills. He stares down hard at the bottle of prescription pain meds that are prescribed to Javier. The bottle is filled to the top. " _He must have just refilled them..._ " He mumbles, taking the bottle. He hurriedly empties the bottle into his cupped hand. He was really going to do it. He was so done at this point. 

Suddenly, Yuzuru hears[ this ringtone.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CK4UlWIzxkY) He looks over to his phone to see that Dai is face timing him. He quickly puts the pills back in the bottle, dropping a few due to his frantic hurry. He caps the bottle and leaves it on the counter. He answers the call as he exits the bathroom, heart racing. He has a few moments to breathe though because the camera was adjusting.

"Hello? Yuzuru?" Hearing the sound of Dai's voice causes his heart to drop. He sits on the bed and presses the option to switch the camera. " _H-Hi... Hi Dai._ " Daisuke smiles in relief. "Well, you're not dead--" The younger glances down. " _I bet you'd like me better if I were dead though..._ " He mumbles. Dai's eyes widen with shock. "I would never be happy if you died, dude...don't hold onto the shit I said in the past. I was rather fucked up...you know that." Yuzuru shrugs softly. " _Why'd you call_?"

"Well...I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew that the reason I'm still alive was about to end his life." Yuzuru laughs sadly. " _Don't lie to me._ " "I'm not. I'm only here because of what you said to me that afternoon in the hospital. Don't be sad Yuzu. If you're sad, I''ll be sad. If you cry, I'll cry. If you die, I'll want to die too. Don't be sad..." His tone grows softer as he speaks to Yuzu, hoping to get his message across. " _Things are just so hard over here... no one understands me...I'm shoved around and pushed away like I'm useless.._ " "Isn't Javier training with Brian too? Aren't you two friends?" Yuzuru nods. " _But I don't want to talk about him._ " Daisuke's eyebrows furrow as he further examines Yuzuru's face.

"Why's your lip swollen?" Yuzuru covers his lips with two fingers and sighs. "Did you get beat up? Who put their hands on you?" Dai seems to be getting angry. " _Just some kids at school...actually, I don't even remember what happened so it doesn't matter._ " "How can you not remember?" Yuzuru shrugs again. " _I just don't...I don't wanna talk about this anymore...I miss you...a lot._ " Yuzu looks back up into the camera with a sad expression. Daisuke takes note of this. "I guess I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you too hm? How's your mom?" Yuzuru smiles a bit more. " _She's great. You miss me?_ " Daisuke hums in agreement. " _D-do...do you love me?_ " 

There's a pause and Daisuke looks away to the side. "Why do you have to ask that each time Yuzuru?" " _I just never heard you say it...You've said you liked me...really liked me...but never love...It feels like I never earned your love ...like I didn't work hard enough for it... like I didn't heal you like I promised...It feels like I failed you...I hate that feeling..._ " Daisuke wants to hang up by now. "Can you stop making it sound like you were the failure in our relationship?" _"But I was wasn't I? That's what it felt like..."_  

"I was, and we both know it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything." Yuzuru nods. It wasn't a formal apology but it was more than enough. " _I already forgave you...will you text me more often?"_   Yuzuru doesn't want to make note of how Dai dodges the question. "If I find time. The season's gonna start soon and I have to train too Yuzu." " _I know baby...I'm sorry._ " Dai shakes his head. "I have to go now...promise not to harm or kill yourself?" Yuzuru gives him a smile. " _I promise! Thank you for the call...it meant the world to me. I'm smiling because I saw your face and heard your voice..._ " Dai nods and blows Yuzuru a kiss. "I care a lot about you okay? Don't forget that. See ya. Take care." Dai is the first to hang up.

 

☀

 

It's been a while and they've been quiet. Yuzuru's thirsty so he goes out into the apartment to find something to drink. He hears giggles coming from the couch and peers over it. "Yuzuru?" Javier looks up from Cortney's bare breasts, fully naked. They're both naked actually, and Javier's deep in Cortney right now. Yuzuru shields his eyes and quickly runs out through the front door. "JAVIER YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU HAD A GUEST OVER!" Cortney frantically starts to redress herself.  "I'm sorry. I forgot..." He pulls out of her and helps her dress back up. Cortney angrily grabs her things and leaves the apartment.

Yuzuru's already gone by the time Javi reaches out doors. "Yuzuru come back!" Yuzuru's walking briskly towards the streets, Javier running close behind. Eventually, he catches up and grabs Yuzuru's arm. "Where are you going!?" Yuzuru shoves Javier as hard as he can, which isn't very hard, and Javi stumbles back a few steps. "Don't touch me!! Ever again don't touch me!!!!!!!! You are pig!! YOU WERE GONNA FUCKING ME AND INSTEAD YOU PUSH ME! A-AND--" Blank. How does he say the rest in English? He's too mad to think. "YOU MAKE ME HURT MY HAND AND I FINDING YOU AND SHE ON COUCH!! HAVING THE SEX!! DON'T ... DON'T-- DON'T FUCKING TOUCHING ME!!" Javier's never seen Yuzuru this upset. He's never heard Yuzuru curse either. "I'm so sorry...I'm s o so sorry..Please let me explain..." Yuzuru's so frustrated. He's clawing at his healing thighs, causing them to bleed. Javier was only using him. He's seen him naked. "Is-- is not fair! Am not sex toy!" He shrieks, dropping to the ground to sob. By now, people are peeking through their windows to see what has happened. "I feel like idiot...Patrick was right...you only wanting sex with me..." 

"That's not true Yuzu...none of it is true..." Yuzuru looks up from his lap. "Then why you lick me there?" Javier couldn't explain. How could you explain something you didn't even know the reason of? "Do you like me Javier?" Silence. Yuzuru shakes his head and stands. "Don't ever touching me..." He mumbles, walking back into the complex. Javier stays outside for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. 

 

☀

 

Yuzuru's curled up in Javier's bed, crying softly. Javier walks in and goes straight to his bathroom, only to find pills on the floor. "Why are my pills on-- Don't tell me you were trying to kill yourself Yuzuru..." He walks to Yuzuru and sits on the bed. Yuzuru turns his back to Javi and tries to sleep. He was done talking for the night. Besides, he doesn't exactly need Javi anymore. He's pretty sure he's got a shot at getting Dai back. And he's going after it. "Fine. I'll just tell Brian tomorrow." He utters in Spanish, then goes to sleep.

 

☀

 

 The next day, Javier drops Yuzu off at school. No words are said to each other.

It's a half day today. The students get to leave early. Yuzuru spends the day with his new friend, Michael. They eat together, sit next to each other in class, joke, and laugh. 

"So do you think we can go to Sochi? I mean I have no shot at medaling but it'll be nice to go..." Yuzuru smiles and pokes at Michael's cheek. "Yes, yes we can! Straight to Sochi!" They both laugh. They've gotten close in a short amount of time. 

 

☀

 

Javier and Cortney spend their day arguing. "How could you not tell about him staying over? You should've asked me first! I'm your fucking girlfriend!" "Excuse me. That's my apartment. I pay for it. I don't need your permission to invite people over." Cortney laughs. "Are you gay Javier? Am I dating a faggot?" She lifts her purse and hits him with it. "Are you fucking his tight Asian ass!? Is that why you were already hard when I got there!? Is that why you rushed me out of your room?! We never fuck on the couch Javier!" Fuck. Fuck! "Cortney, he was using the bathroom! I couldn't do that with him in the next room. I'm not gay, don't you dare say that again. The only person I was fucking last night was you." Cortney sighs and nods. "I'm sorry...it's just Yuna said something to me...forget it..." Javier raises a brow. "The hell did she say?"

"Just that you and Yuzuru mess around in practice, hold hands, things like that...she says she saw you two at the mall. You were buying him gifts..that hurts Javier..." She looks up at him. "You're only supposed to love me and do those things with me.." Javier sighs and nods. "I'm sorry...I was being nice to him because I feel bad." Cortney looks up at him and laughs. "You're such a liar..." "How am I fucking lying?" 

Cortney pulls out her phone and shows him a picture. "That's you and Yuzuru. Kissing. Was that pity too? I paid someone to follow you...I wanted to know, I'm sorry.." Javier stares at the photo. She knows. "I don't know if I like him or not..." "Are you closeted...? You should've told me...I won't tell the press. I promise. We can forget this whole thing, baby..." Javier steps back. His eyes fill with tears. Now, he's forced to confront his feelings. He didn't want to be. That's very much against his beliefs. "I don't think...we should be together...Cortney." Her eyes glance down. "Please Javi...I need you..." "I have to think about it...I'll call you later..." He leaves.

 

☀

 

Before practice, Yuzuru gets a phone call from an old friend. "Kana-chan! It's so good to hear from you!" He sets his phone down on the bench and ties on his skates. "It's good to hear you too! I miss your silly self. How's Canada? You didn't forget us did you?" "Not at all! Kana..it's late. Shouldn't you be in bed?" "Dai told us you called and I wanted to hear from you!" He smiles and stands. "How're you Kana chan? I cant stay for long. I've got practice in a few." "I'm great Yuzuru! Just adjusting to a few new things." "Like what?" He takes the phone off speaker and presses it to his hear. "It's just... I think that Tatsu-kun and Dai-kun are together now...I'm probably wrong though! Don't tell anyone~" Yuzuru's heart drops. "O-oh? How d you know?" "Mm! It's sorta weird don't ya think? I've seen them kiss once or twice..." Yuzuru feels a lump begin to form in his throat. " I gotta go Kana- coach is calling." Before she can respond, Yuzu hangs up. Guess he doesn't have a shot after all. 

Just as he does so, Javier walks into the locker room. "Yuzuru can we talk before practice starts?" Yuzuru shrugs and puts his phone away. "I-Its important." Yuzuru looks up at Javi, both staring with watery eyes. "Wha-" "I think I'm breaking up with Cortney."

What-


	12. {12/?} Fuck.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcomed! Thanks for 3,000+ views!♥

"Y-yeah...I think I'm leaving her..." "Why you tell me...?" Yuzuru sniffs while wiping at his eyes. "Because maybe I like you...?" Yuzuru laughs softly and closes the door to his locker. "Good joking Jabi...excuse me." He walks past Javier and out into the rink. The only think he could about is Daisuke and Tatsuki. It made him angry.

"Yuzuru, are you even paying any attention to a word I'm saying?" Asks David. David is Yuzuru's new choreographer. He chose the wrong day to decide to start. "Yuzuru." Yuzuru is staring deep into space, a confused look on his face. What was so great about Tatsuki? No, really. What's so great about him? He's not young and flexible how like how Yuzu is. He's got heavy feet. He's not even attractive. Why Tatsuki? Besides-

"Hanyu, come see me in my office, now." Yuzuru snaps out of his little trance and skates behind Brian. What'd he do now?

 

"Is your little puppy in trouble Javier?" Yuna asks while eyeing Yuzuru. "Leave me alone..." Yuna shrugs. "If you're gonna dump her, do it quick. It'll be painless for her that way..." Her fingers crawl up his arm and he simply stares at her. "You're sick. Fuck off." She laughs and does as he asks-- for now. "Javier, come too." "Yes, coach." He side eyes Yuna before skating towards his coach's office. 

 

☀

 

"Your therapist dropped this off for you today. He says you've got some personality disorder and you gotta take these."

Yuzuru looks at the items on Brian's desk. "Eto...prozac?" He frowns. "I'm not depression!" Brian shrugs. "You'll have to take this if you want to continue to skate here." Yuzuru sighs shakily. "This is no fairness...I'm not gonna take. I'm not gonna therapy no more. I do not want!" Brian sits at his desk and glamces at Javier. Javi is the only person that Yuzuru will listen to at this point. "The medication is to help you get better Yuzu...Your behavior can be so strange some times...you.." Javier stares at Brian, speaking more to him than to Yuzuru. "At the mall, you tried to jump off the roof...then last night you..tried to swallowing all my medications...I'm scared Yuzu..." Yuzuru frowns and looks to his coach. "I'm fine...that's not even personality!" Brian is shocked from all this. "Why did he try to kill himself?" Coach asks. "Because he saw Cortney and I..." "NO!! THATS NOT WHY HOW COULD YOU SAYING THIS!?" "Yuzuru-" Brian stands. "Please, lets just calm down." 

"I'm not going therapy!" "Yuzuru, you have to! You scream in your sleep! You cry for Daisuke! You cut your thighs!  You try to kill yourself in front of me! You need help!" "Javier, please lower your voice."  By now, young Yuzu is seething. "Baby, I wanna help you but you need to help yourself..." Yuzuru's glaring at Javier. "Oh- since we're telling it all. Javier tried to kiss me and yesternight he got me naked and started to lick me there." Brian's cheeks flush slightly and he looks away. "You do have a personality disorder, I agree with the doctor. You need to continue treatment..." Yuzuru laughs loudly. "Daisuke, shut up! You don't wanna helping me. You only wanting to use me." Yuzuru shouts to Javier. Javier's brows knit together in confusion. "You called me Daisuke...why do you keep mentioning him?" Yuzuru's pacing around the room, glaring hard at Javier. 

"What's gotten into you, Yuzu? I didn't know you were like this..." Brian says with a sigh. He's no clue what to do. "I'll contact the therapist about this to clear everything up..but Yuzuru, you've got to take the meds if you want to skate here. Either that, or get admitted into a hospital." He doesn't have much of a choice now does he? "F-fine." 

"The both of you...just go home." Yuzuru nods and quickly leaves his coach's office, Javier following close behind. 

 

☀

Javier gave Yuzu a ride home today. The car ride was silent for the most part. "I'm sorry Yuzuru..." Silence. "I will leave Cortney Yuzu...and maybe, maybe we could get..be together?" Javi speaks out. "You don't want me... trust that. I am trouble. You've seen. You even tell Brian." He rubs his head. 

 

**[Flashback]**

  
Yuzu got home from a long practice. He found it hard to keep going. It's only been a few weeks since the earthquake. He's come home crying ever night, screaming that it wasn't fair for him to be able to skate while everyone else is suffering. Dai knows the gut wrenching feeling of wanting to quit all too well. 

"I don't want to anymore Dai...It hurts me now!" "You think you suffering will benefit anyone? It'll just add onto the tragedy! But with your talent, with your determination, you can actually help these people! If you...if you go to Sochi and win...think of all the people you could help...you could make that your goal for winning the medal...but you don't even have to wait til then to help, you can start now. You can set up fund raising ideas for the victims...hell, you could even write an autobiography and put it for sale so that the profit goes to the victims. You can sign up for more fundraising ice shows...look, I'll even help you okay..?" Dai nods. "Don't be sad. If you're sad, I'll be sad too. If you wanna die, then I'll wanna die too. Remember those words? When I wanted to quit forever at the hospital? Those words kept me strong...you can't quit Yuzuru, not like this...You're doing the world an injustice by quitting...Don't cry anymore okay? Dai-chan will help you set all this all up okay? We will help the victims, we will."

**[End of Flashback]**

 

"Goodnight then, Yuzuru..." He grabs his bag and runs off.

When he gets to his apartment, he sees things in boxes, and suitcases thrown around. "WHY DON'T YOU EVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE HANYU!?" He flinches and goes towards his mom's voice. "I'm sorry...It's just that I was at practice." "Your father has been trying to reach you for days!" Oh, yeah. He blocked his dad's number. "I'm sorry mom...I didn't receive phone calls." 

"We're going back to Japan tomorrow night. Your dad had a stroke and is paralyzed on the left side. We have to go. Pack your things." "Mom..no..I worked too hard for this to just go back." "Did you hear me?! YOUR FUCKING FATHER HAD A STROKE AND ALL YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IS YOURSELF." "I'M NOT GOING." He shouts in return, throwing his bag down. "I just got used to it here mom...why cant you ask Brian if I could stay with him?" "We've bothered that man more than enough." "I can find someone to stay with! Mom! This is my dream!" "Some dreams must end, Yuzuru." Yuzuru sighs. There was no changing his mom's mind. He disappears into his room, takes his pills, and knocks out. 

 

☀

 

Saturday morning. Therapy, then practice. It's the day to say goodbye to everyone. Their bags were already packed.

 

☀

 

"Good morning Yuzuru. I understand that today will be your last session with me." Yuzuru just nods. "I wanna know how Juliet managed to escape the letter." "H-how she...well..."

 

**[Flashback]**

 

Daisuke receives an angry phone call from his coach. "So you send your bitch to report us to the JSF?" "What are you-" "I just received a notice of our removal from the federation. Yuzuru sent them pictures of us in the act." "How did he get-" "My guess is that he followed us. Daisuke, I thought I could salvage our careers. But, you can't compete this weekend. You've been banned from the federation. You can never skate at an ISU Event again." Daisuke drops the phone out of shock. "I'm going to go in there and get our jobs back." Morozov says, but Dai doesn't hear that since the phone fell. 

Yuzuru was sitting on the couch when Daisuke walked up behind him. He yells loudly and rips Yuzuru from the sofa, throwing him onto the ground. "I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY CAREER FOREVER! I'M FUCKING DONE WITH YOU. WE'RE NO LONGER TOGETHER!" "You cheated on me...so now we're even." Yuzuru stares up with a smile on his face. He knows how to fix this- or so he thinks. He starts to fumble with Dai's belt. 

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME. I WILL NEVER WANT SOMEONE AS DISGUSTING AND HIDEOUS AS YOU. I REGRET SAVING YOU FROM YOUR SUICIDE ATTEMPTS. I WISH I NEVER MET YOU. I WANT YOU TO KILL YOURSELF. AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT OR I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF." He got off of Yuzuru and stormed off.

 

**[End of Flashback]**

 

"The letter incinerated right in my hands..I got the offer for Canada and I took it..I fled."  "Did you try to commit like he asked you to?" He shakes his head. "I deserved all of that. I deserved everything Dai ever did to me. You know why? He never healed and that's my fault. I never made him happy...I failed him..." 

"Yuzuru, this man abused you and you're siding with him. You realize that?" "What? What's so wrong with defending Dai? I wouldv'e done the same. I deserved the beating, the nasty words...all of it. Because I failed to get him happy...I sorta liked it. It felt like well deserved punishment, doctor. I deserved it."

"I-I think I've finally got your diagnosis...You have self-defeating personality disorder, with sadistic tendencies. It can be treated with the medication your coach gave you. When you're on that medication, your behavior will be normal but when you're not on it, you'll become aggressive and hostile...you must take them okay? When you find a therapist in Japan, give me their number so I can share the notes with them. Here's my card." Yuzuru takes the card and puts it away. "Thank you..goodbye." 

 

☀

 

 "Brian!" Javier barges into his coach's office. "Why aren't you letting him stay with you! He's giving up his dream!!! We have to help him!" Brian sighs. "I insisted but his mother wouldn't let him....I'm just...I have an idea. Maybe you can take him in?" "Me?" He nods softly. "You. You're friends with him, he listens to you..." "Well...we'll see if he wants to..." "Wait before you go..." Javier stops in his tracts "What are you making Yuzuru do when he stays over?" Javier blushes. "Look, coach, I really like him..I'm just..confused is all. I'm going to dump Cortney." "Are you sure its love? I dont mean to get involved but I dont want Yuzuru harmed." "I did lick his cock, coach. But that's all we did." Brian scratches his head and nods. "Alright..if he stays with you, keep an eye out and make sure he takes his meds." Javier nods.

 

☀

 

Javier quickly drops Yuzuru off and asks to come in because he needs to ask him a very important question. Yuzuru nods and lets him inside. 

"Jabi...I wanna saying goodbye-" "No, no Yuzuru. It's not goodbye. You can live with me and that means you can stay and train!" What? No no. This was all too sudden. How could Yuzu trust it? "It's fine...my dream is gone now...lets just move..." He nods firmly. "No, carino...I can see what you're doing...I know you're hesitant..but, please...please stay with me... please..." Yuzuru sighs. Should he discuss it with his mom? Was there even any time? "I-I'll be back." Yuzuru disappears into his mother's room.

 

Javier's waiting patiently. They've been talking in Japanese for quite some time. Yuzuru finally returns and looks at Javier with a painstriken face. "Javi...I'm sorry..." "No..no baby no I'll talk to her if I must-" "Listen! I'm sorry but...you gonna having to deal with me!" Javier's eyebrows furrow. "You can stay!?" "I can stay!" Javier flings his arms around Yuzuru and holds him tightly.

Little did Yuzuru know, Patrick had been in Yuzuru's mom's room, helping her pack. Patrick walks outside and laughs softly. "Whats this? Hugging?" Yuzuru jumps and lets go of Javier. "Go help your mom pack carino. I'll come by later to help you get your stuff." Yuzuru nods and pulls Javier into a soft kiss. This infuriates Patrick. "I'll call you." Yuzuru winks at Javier, who then leaves the complex.

"Hm, you know...I don't think I like this. You aren't allowed to be happy after you nearly ruined Daisuke's career." Yuzuru sighs shakily. "No, no. I think the media would love to hear about this and in the mean time I could ruin Javier's career too." "N-no please stop! I'll do somethin to stop that.." "Mmm...the only way you'll stop me from ruining you and your little boyfriend is if you become my slave. You see, I set eyes on Daisuke long before you. And you ruined it all for me."

 

**[Flashback]**

 

It took nearly 2 hours, but Patrick was determined to tell Daisuke how he felt. He's pent up his love and frustrations for years. He saw Dai enter the locker room and shortly followed. It was finally the day. He and Daisuke could be together now. 

As he opens the door, he sees Yuzuru and Daisuke with their tongues tangled. This tears at his heart and he drops the flowers that he was carrying. He runs off as fast as he can, the tears pouring down his cheeks. 

 

**[End of Flashback]**

 

"I know all about you and Dai. I know how he used to fuck you and treat you like shit. I know it all. I've got pictures and videos. It's up to you to stop this. If you want to be my slave, you can stop this. So, what do you choose Yuzuru? Will you give up your body whenever I ask or will you watch as yours and Javier's careers get tainted and ruined?"

 


	13. {13/?} Sexy Fuck Up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: explicit scenes. 
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating but I'm traveling and I'll be out for 3 weeks so enjoy the smut!

Yuzuru had been dropped off at Javier's home with his things by coach Orser. He said his goodbyes to his mother while Javier moved Yuzuru's belongings into the apartment.

"You'll be a good boy for mother won't you?" Yuzuru's mom is ﬁghting the tears as best as she can.

"I will mommy...give daddy my best wishes." Yuzuru says with half a heart and half a smile. It's not to say that he didn't care about his father because he did. It's just that he feels as though his dad got sick because of him. He doesn't want to think about it at the moment.

"You'll call him won't you?" Yumi asks in a desperate tone. She needs to know that her son will be there for his father's hopeful recovery.

"Have a safe ﬂight..." He simply says, giving her cheek a soft peck. "I love you, mother...take care." And before she can say another word, Yuzuru waves towards Brian and walks into Javier's complex. 

 

* * *

 

"We can unpack the rest of the things later right Yuzu?" Javier smiles towards Yuzuru who's sitting on the sofa quite awkwardly. He's so happy that Yuzuru is moving in with him. It gives him a chance to listen to his heart.

"Okay..." Yuzuru twiddles with his thumbs, as if he's waiting for something to happen. He's worrying about his mother and father more at the moment. You could say that he needs a distraction.

"I'll get us something to drink, Yuzu. You seem a bit cold...would you like tea or hot chocolate?" Javier's accent is thick when he says the word chocolate. It almost sounds like he's speaking Spanish.

Yuzuru looks up, a bit startled to have been ripped away from his thoughts. His head tilts to the side as he responds. "I'll take hot chocolate, Jabi.."

Javier nods and walks along to get the drinks ready. He bends down to rummage through the cabinet for a pot. He sets the pot on the stove after ﬁlling it with milk and waits patiently for the liquid to boil.

Once the liquid is hot enough, Javier grabs two mugs and sets them beside each other. He cautiously pours the milk into each mug and walks over to his top cabinet. From the cabinet, he pulls out the jar of chocolate powder. (http://hayleysalvo.wordpress.com/2010/03/20/cola-cao/) He puts a few spoonfuls in each mug and sprinkles mini marshmallows in each mug. He returns to Yuzuru and grins.

"Here you go, Cariño." He sits beside Yuzuru and hands him his mug. Yuzuru's slender ﬁngers wrap around the handle and he brings the warm liquid to his lips. "Careful, Yuzu! It's hot..." Javier warns, which causes Yuzu smile at his concern. The Japanese boy blows on the hot chocolate before he takes a small sip and hums in content at the warmth. The hot chocolate is comforting to the young boy. "You like it don't you? I got this from home." Javier chuckles as Yuzuru licks across his lips.

"From Spain?" He asks, only to take another sip. Javier nods starts to drink from his own mug. He seems to miss his hometown just as much as Yuzu does.

"How do you think your dad's doing..? What even happened to him?" The Spaniard asks. Yuzuru hasn't been speaking much-- and he most certainly doesn't want to speak about this. But, Javier seems concerned so Yuzuru decides to go against his own wishes.

"Dad had a stroke... And..I don't know how is he..." Javier nods in understanding.

"Then..." He starts. "Why don't you call him to see how he's doing? I'm sure he'd want to hear from you."

Yuzuru shakes his head and downs the remaining liquid. "I don't want. Is my fault completely."

Yuzuru hands Javier the now empty mug and pulls his legs up to his chest, chin resting on his knees. Javier ﬁnishes off his hot chocolate and sets the mugs down on the round coffee table.

"I don't think it's your fault...lots of things could've caused the stroke Yuzuru...don't assume you're the reason it happened..." Yuzuru simply shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't want to talk about it. "We won't talk about this anymore Cariño. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry...I'm just want to you distracting me." Javier purses his lips and moves to sit Indian style, across from Yuzuru on the sofa. Wait-- distraction? Does he mean.. No. He can't mean that. He's a virgin. He's only 17-- or so Javier thinks.

"Okay well...tell me about yourself?" Javier looks at Yuzuru with a small glint of happiness.

Yuzuru sits upright and giggles. "Eto... Hi! I'm Yuzuru Hanyu! I'm 17 year old..I like to skating...I like to...schooling! And I..." His cheeks color slightly as he takes a short pause, gaze shifting from Javier to his own hands. "I like...I like Javier Fernandez...a lot...he's like..."The younger's lips purse slightly. "He's like my favorite person in the world entire..." Yuzuru's gaze ﬁnally meets Javier's, and he's ﬂashing that famous smile of his. Javier's eyes ﬂy wide open as he hears the other confess. He doesn't say anything at this point. He just stares at Yuzuru. "What about Jabi?" Yuzuru asks as he loves closer to Javier. Javier clears his throat. His head is spinning.

"What about me..? I'm Javier ..uhm.. I like to be passionate...I like to cook and have fun... And I think that I like someone very much..." Yuzuru's smile widened. No doubt Javier was talking about him. Yuzuru senses Javier's hesitation. It wouldn't be the ﬁrst time, seeing as Javier's been wanting to kiss him a few times.

Yuzuru decides to say a few reassuring words, in hopes of easing Javier's feelings. "Jabi...I wanna say..when I started to liking guys I was maybe.." His eyes ﬂy up in thought. "11.. Or 12? Anyway..Plushenko was my ﬁrst...man crush..." Yuzuru's cheek tint with a light red color. It was his ﬁrst time admitting such a big secret to anyone. "And ... I used to like him a lot...but then I m..." He stops in his tracks. "It's okay to like guys Jabi.. I like guys too...so it's okay!"

Javier looks down and nods. He's been itching to ask something. It's something that's been bothering him for a while now. "You say I'm your favorite, Yuzuru...but what about Daisuke?" Yuzuru swears his heart stops beating in that moment. "Isn't he your favorite person? You love him, of course..."

"It's not simple like that Jabi... Daisuke was my ﬁrst...boyfriend..." Javier chuckles to himself. Of fucking course. As Javi's about to stand, Yuzuru tugs his arm. "Let me ﬁnish Jabi....I'm sorry I didn't told you before. But I... I did loved him.. But he .. We're over with now Jabi..you're my favorite now..."

Javier sighs as he realizes that getting angry with Yuzuru over this is futile. So he proceeds to ask,"Did he treat you right at least?"

Yuzuru shrugs his shoulders and slowly starts to crawl onto Javier's lap. "Only sometimes..but don't matter... It's us now Jabi."

And that was the end of that topic. Yuzuru's arms slowly wrap around Javier's neck.

"Yuzuru...what are you doing?" Yuzuru gives a quaint smile and inches closer to Javier's lips. God, did they look lovely. They're all moistened and pink, just how he likes them. Javier's face is completely ﬂushed; emotions of greed, lust, and confusion washing over him. He opens his mouth to speak again, but Yuzuru's lips quickly capture Javier's in a harsh kiss. After ﬁve seconds, Javier pulls away. What's Yuzuru doing?

"Ay...we.." He looks down and takes a hold of Yuzuru's hands, giving them a soft squeeze. "We shouldn't do this..."

Yuzuru's head tilts to the side as his lips purse. "We shouldn't not do what..? Kiss..?" He leans in again, this time slower as if to help ease Javier into it. Again, after a short period of time, Javi pulls away, biting his lip.

"Maybe we shouldn't because we don't want to end up having..." Should he even bring it up? Yuzuru's a virgin after all, Javier thinks. "We don't wanna end up having sex...right?"

Yuzuru's eyebrows knit together. "Why can't we..? I want to.. I miss sex..." Yuzuru pulls back now to get a good look at Javier's reaction. I mean, why wouldn't they have sex? The timing couldn't be more perfect.

Javier's face is perplexed, astonishment written all over. "You miss it..? I've never even had sex with a guy before... I...you're only 17... Wait so you're not a virgin?" Yuzuru shakes his head shyly with a bashful smile etched on his soft face. Javier chuckles awkwardly. Shit. Maybe he shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.

"I want sex with Jabi... Right now... I'm ready for that. Just trust me on that yeah? Just... Let your body talking with mine... It's okay... I'll showing how to... Sex with me. A guy..it's okay.." English words are harder to ﬁnd when Yuzuru is so desperately trying to hide his boner.

Javier only nods and hesitantly reaches forward to cup Yuzuru's cheek's with his ﬁrm hands. His lips connect with the younger's in a matter of seconds. Javier's hands gently squeeze Yuzuru's face as the kiss takes a passionate turn. Yuzuru's mouth is spilling soft sounds of approval as Javier pulls him closer with his arm, their chests now touching each other. Heads tilt in opposite directions in the heat of the moment, and Yuzuru's mouth slowly opens as Javier's tongue pries its way inside. Sounds of suckling and soft moaning can be heard while the two velvet like muscles rub against each other. In a swift moment, Javi pulls back and mumbles 'bedroom.' He gives Yuzuru's lips a peck after each time he mumbles this, resulting in a total of 5 pecks. Yuzuru gets off of Javier's lap and swings his legs over to stand. Javier follows suit and stands. He takes a hold of Yuzuru's hand and pulls him into the bedroom.

As Yuzuru takes a seat on the bed, Javier disappears into his closet to grab a few things they'd need. He returns to Yuzuru with his hands full. To be exact, he's got two condoms, lubricant, and new bed sheets. Yuzuru smiles at Javier and gives him a thumbs up.

"You're gonna have to walk me through this Cariño...I'm...this is my ﬁrst time with another ma..boy..."

Yuzuru chuckles lightly. Javier's more nervous than he is and he's not even on the receiving end. Yuzuru pulls Javier to sit on the bed and pushes him down soon after. He swings his leg over Javier's body and takes a seat right on Javier's crotch. Javier's left astonished at how dominant Yuzuru is.

"I'll tell you how don't worrying..." Yuzuru hums in delight as his ﬁngers curl around the hem of Javier's shirt. "Sit up a bit Javi. I wanna take this away.." Javier blinks softly and pushes himself to sit up, face to face with Yuzuru. Yuzuru tugs the shirt up and Javier instantly lifts both hands in the air. Yuzuru's able to pull the shirt over Javier's head and toss it to the side. Yuzuru's ﬁngers delicately roam across Javier's chest and stomach, and make their way down to his crotch. Just as Yuzuru is about to tug Javier's zipper down, Javier's hand grabs Yuzuru's.

"Cariño... are you sure? We don't have to do this...I promise you-" Yuzuru shushes Javier up with a harsh kiss to the lips, causing Javier to fall back, Yuzuru on top of him. Their lips move in sync, as if they're emotionally connected. This time, Yuzuru will dominate as he's showing Javier the ropes. Yuzuru breaks the seemingly endless kiss and starts to kiss down Javier's neck tenderly. He doesn't intend of leaving any marks, not today at least. Yuzuru's lips continue to kiss down Javier's built torso, down to his stomach. Javier's hands are in Yuzuru's hair, tugging ever so softly.

It comes as no surprise when Yuzuru notices that Javier's cock is hardening by the second. He looks up at Javier as if to ask for help while he tugs both of Javier's pants and underwear off. Javier hesitantly lifts his hips and this allows Yuzuru to rid him of his last articles of clothing. These, too, he tosses aside.

"Spanish sausage!" Yuzuru's eyes widen upon falling onto Javier's cock.

Javier blinks and pushes up to rest on his elbows. "Is that bad..?" He chuckles nervously at the surprised Yuzuru.

Yuzuru shakes his head quickly and sticks his tongue out. His face inches closer to Javier's length and teasingly, he licks at the head of the cock. Javier groans, the sight driving him crazy. He falls back and lies on the bed, allowing Yuzuru to lap his tongue all over Javier's cock. Javier lets out soft sounds of pleasure and approval. The young Japanese boy slowly engulfs half of Javier's cock in his mouth, suckling on it softly.

"Coño Yuzuru!" He shouts of pleasure. The Spaniard slowly and subconsciously starts to buck his hips up, resulting in his cock sliding further into Yuzuru's mouth.

Yuzuru moans softly around the now completely stiff cock, and pushes his head against Javier's thrusting motions. Yuzuru blushes at all the swearing coming from Javier and decides to give him a real trip. Hollowing his cheeks as much as he could, Yuzuru begins sucking on Javier's hard cock while intensifying the pressure, giving Javier the ultimate sensation. Cortney must've given Javier the worst blow jobs, Yuzuru thinks.

Once Javier had enough of Yuzuru's teeth grazing over his shaft while his head rubs against Yuzuru's pallet, he pulls away and sits up. "I'm hard enough.." He mumbles with a soft blush. Yuzuru nods and slowly starts to take his shirt off.

Scars. Scars everywhere. They're faint and almost invisible, but Javier can see them covering his stomach and chest. Things get worse when Yuzuru pulls his pants off. His thighs-...cut. Some cuts were still raw and some just beginning to heal. Only a few were completely healed. Javier leans over to Yuzuru's body and strokes along the cuts. He gives them soft kisses and creeps onto his knees to kiss the ones on his stomach and chest. Yuzuru looks off to the side, mumbling.

"I'm not big down there like you Jabi..."

Javier chuckles and nods. "It's okay love...you're still so beautiful to me. Every scar, every cut...is beautiful." Javier's ﬁngers curl at Yuzuru's waistband and tug them down, revealing Yuzuru's average sized cock. Well it's a bit smaller than average but it's perfectly ﬁne. Javier takes Yuzuru into his hands and wastes no time. In a matter of seconds, Yuzuru's length is shoved into Javier's mouth. He immediately starts to suck, hard. Yuzuru's mind is pooling with all sorts of thoughts at the moment, but his body is reacting just ﬁne. He's moaning in his usual high pitched voice. As he's standing on the bed, Yuzuru's ﬁngers thread through Javier's hair. His moans seriously begin to turn Javier on. Who knew he even had this in him? Besides, it's his ﬁrst time with a man. Yuzuru pulls his hips from Javier's mouth and points to the lube.

"Jelly..." He states clearly, the plops onto the bed, spreading his legs wide. Javier rips his glance away from the beautiful sight and grabs the lube. When he turns back around, Yuzuru's legs are held up by his arms, his entrance beautifully exposed. "Take the jelly and put some on your ﬁngers..then rub it around the hole."

Javier does as instructed and gently rubs the lube around Yuzuru's and on the surface of Yuzuru's entrance. His rose bud puckers slightly as he ﬂinches due to the lube being cold. He laughs softly and speaks again. "Now, some more on your middle ﬁnger, then pushing it inside slow...lento."

Javier ﬁnds it adorable how Yuzuru has learned Spanish words. Following his instructions, Javier slowly pushes his middle ﬁnger into Yuzuru. Yuzuru whimpers softly as he tightens around the digit. After a moment, he speaks. "M..move it.." Javier nods and slowly starts to thrust his ﬁnger in and out of Yuzuru. Yuzuru's mouth remains agape, louder moans beginning to escape. Javier slowly pulls his ﬁnger out and lines two up at the hole. Slowly, he watches as Yuzuru's entrance swallows up his ﬁngers. He spreads them slowly and twists them every so often, continuing the thrusting motion. After adding another ﬁnger, Yuzuru gives Javier the sign that he's ready and with that, Javier pulls all 3 ﬁngers out. He focuses on unpacking the condom and rolling it onto his rock hard cock. He lines up with Yuzuru's entrance and gives him a smile.

"Tell me if you want me to stop ok Cariño?" Yuzuru reaches for Javier's hands and watches as their ﬁngers lace together. Javier uses a hand to guide his length to Yuzuru's entrance. With a small thrust, he's able to poke the head inside. "Cono-" he curses beneath his breath at the warmth and tightness. Yuzuru whines softly as Javier pushes the rest of his long, thick length inside. Before they know it, Javier's cock is buried deep inside Yuzuru. They take a pause to catch their breath. They're both sweating and panting already. Yuzuru pulls Javier to him and wraps his arms around his neck, allowing his legs to wrap around Javier's waist. Javier's hands are on either side of Yuzuru's head to support himself.

Their eyes lock, and in that moment, Yuzuru felt like everything's gonna be okay. Javier notices the glint of hope in Yuzuru's eyes and slowly starts to move his hips. He starts off with a steady, slow pace. His body is reacting to this a lot more than he thought it would. He's actively moaning alongside Yuzuru, giving him more motivation to pick up the pace. Soon enough, Javier's cock is sliding in and out of Yuzuru quite quickly. A pooling senation begins at the pit of Yuzuru's stomach.

"Close! Close!" He shouts as if to warn Javier. Javier buries his face in Yuzuru's neck, letting his moans escape against Yuzuru's burning hot neck. His hips only pick up speed. Slowly, Yuzuru's muscle tightens around Javier's throbbing length. He can't hold back anymore; he has to release now.

"Da-Daisuke!! Daisuke!!" Yuzuru shouts as his seed explodes between he and Javier's chest.

For a moment, Javier stops thrusting. Yuzuru just moaned out his ex's name. Javier empties his load into the condom as he moans Yuzuru's name softly. Boom, Javier collapses on top of Yuzuru. They're both panting quite hard and Yuzuru wraps his arms around Javier.

"That was so amazing!" The younger states softly, excitement in his voice.

Javier slowly pulls out of him and goes to discard of the condom. Yuzuru sighs and gets out of bed to change the sheets.

 

* * *

 

After they shower, they crawl in bed together.

"How was your ﬁrst time Javi..?"

Javi forces a smile. "It was great but I'm tired...I'm gonna rest, you should too."

Yuzuru gives Javier's lips a peck and he snuggles in closer. As Yuzuru drifts off to sleep, Javier's eyes are ridding themselves of tears. Why would he call out Dai's name at a time like that? He's still in love with him, that's obvious. Javier rolls out of bed and quickly runs to the bathroom to cry in private.

"So unfair...so so unfair...I do everything and he calls out that bastard's name. Ugh!" Javier wants to punch something- or someone. But he composes himself before he can do any serious damage. Now wasn't the time. "There's no point of getting angry..." He mumbles. He decides to pretend this never happened. Yuzuru deserves happiness, and Javier vows to give him that, no matter what it takes. No, he wasn't going to hurt himself, but he vowed to make Yuzuru love him and also to give Yuzuru the happiness that Dai neglected to give.

 

* * *

 

Morning time, sun rises. Javier's not in bed beside Yuzu when he wakes up. Immediately, he begins to assume the worst.

"I said Dai's name by accident and now he's left me..." Yuzuru mumbles in Japanese. He quickly rummages through Javier's drawers and ﬁnds a pair of fresh boxers and an oversized white tee to wear. "He hates me and I'll never ﬁnd someone who loves me...fucking idiot.."

When Yuzuru steps out of the room, he's hit with a strong aroma of food. It smells like eggs, sausage, and pancakes. Yuzuru smiles, not noticing the ﬁgure sitting on the stool and goes into the kitchen. He wraps his arms around Javier's waist lazily and giggles.

"I had enough already Spanish sausage last night I don't need more~.. Even if I want..." Javier slowly turns around, slightly surprised as Yuzuru plants a kiss on his lips.

"Buenos Dias to you too.." Javier smiles, but Yuzuru knows that there's a bit of sadness there.

As Yuzuru turns around, his eyes fall onto the ﬁgure. Oh. Shit. His eyes are wide and he begins to tremble. His skin is white like snow. Javier is watching, taking note of every move Yuzuru makes. He pays close attention to the details, body language- everything.

The ﬁgure stands and walks closer to the two. He smirks at Yuzuru and lets out a soft chuckle. "Hello, Hanyū."


	14. {14/?} He Said What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking the longest time to update! Hope you like it, even though it's crappy.

"Patrick...what are you doing here?" Yuzuru asks with blatant terror in his eyes. Patrick stares back at those eyes, his own not showing their usual malice. 

"I just came over to talk to you...can we speak privately?" Patrick asks, his eyes now glancing at Javier. Yuzuru, too, stares at Javier, hoping that he'd get the hint. Javier was too busy staring at Yuzuru's body to notice anything else. 

"Jabi...can me and him talk alone for a moment?" Yuzuru asks in a quiet voice, his hand moving to rest on Javier's chest. Javier suspects that something is going on, but he doesn't want to intrude. 

"Don't be long hm..? I'm gonna grab some of your stuff from my car." Javier states, and begins to walk off. Yuzuru pulls him back and gives him a soft peck on the lips. A gagging sound could be heard from Patrick. With that, Javier quickly exits the apartment.  

"If you're kissing him in front of me to make a point, you're wasting my time." Patrick murmurs and watches as Yuzuru hops onto the counter. Why is Patrick here to begin with? He was making Yuzuru so nervous that he was on the brink of having a panic attack. Yuzuru knows what Patrick is capable of and it scares him. 

"I didn't come here to make you do anything you didn't want to. I'm here to offer a truce Yuzuru." Patrick stands and walks in front of where Yuzuru's seated. "No more fighting, Hanyu. I just wanna be friends." Yuzuru's eyebrows twitch in confusion. What in the world...friends? 

"We tried that...then you kept hurting my body.. I don't wanna be friends at this time..not for now, no...no to friends." Yuzuru states, more to himself than to Pat. Patrick understands why Yuzuru is so hesitant. He puts on the most sincere face that he can and looks Yuzuru deep in the eyes. 

"I know I messed up too much for you to even consider being my friend again...I deeply apologize for my actions, Yuzuru. Please forgive me..." To top things off, Patrick even bows his head. Yuzuru exhales shakily, places a finger beneath Patrick's chin and lifts his head up. Should he trust Patrick again? Did he even deserve it?

"Okay I forgive you, Patrick." Patrick's eyes light up. He seems so happy that he even wraps his arms tightly around Yuzuru's small body. 

"Oh yeah! Yuzuru we have this project to do for English. It's me you Scott and Michael. We're meeting at Scott's tonight to get started." Yuzuru nods, only to shake his head. He remembers his agenda for today.

"I can't go. I have therapy and practice."

"But it's Saturday? I mean you can miss those two if you really care about your grade." Yuzuru sighs again. Should he miss practice and therapy to do this project? Was it worth it? His grade in English is really bad at the moment. 

"Fine, I'll go...but you have to come pick me up okay?" Patrick smirks to himself for a moment. Plan going as expected. Yuzuru gulps. Patrick has that look in his eye again.

"Definitely. Be ready by 5." Yuzuru's eyes fall on the stove's clock. It's almost 1 pm. By the time Yuzuru turns his head back towards Patrick's direction, he's gone. The door slams and Yuzuru hops off the counter. 

"That was weird.." He mumbles, having no idea how big a trap he just fell into.

* * *

 

Patrick opens the door to Scott's car and slides in. "He fell for it. It was so easy."

"Didn't I tell you, Pat? The kid's body is already damaged. If we really wanna fuck him up and get revenge for him taking Dai from you, we gotta attack him psychologically." Scott states as he pulls out of the parking spot.

"I know...but it's still fun to beat him up...so since tonight's a for sure thing, what are the plans?" Patrick asks, his left hand reaching for the seat belt.

"Well, right now we're gonna pick Michael up, he knows what to do. If he doesn't comply, he knows what'll come to him. We go to my house, get Yuzuru drunk and pair him up with Michael so he can cheat on Javier." 

Patrick laughs. It sounds like a perfect plan, all but one part.

"Wait but what will we tell him that the project is about? It'll look suspicious if we don't have a project to work on..."

"Little bro, I told you I had this covered didn't I? I've got the project. Don't worry about anything, you did your part perfectly. We'll get you your vengeance." 

Patrick sits back in his seat and smiles. "Thank you..." He says, closing his eyes.

 

* * *

 

"Why aren't you dressed for practice Yuzu?" Javier asks as he's rummaging through the apartment. They're running late. 

"I'm not going today. I have a school project to do...tell coach I'm sorry." Yuzuru's preparing his own bag. 

"You didn't think that this was worth mentioning?" Javier shakes his head. "And therapy? Are you going to skip that too? You know you're supposed to go. That's what you agreed to. Are you even thinking at all Yuzuru?"

"La la la la la la!" Yuzuru places both of his hands over his ears and scrunches his face up. He didn't want to hear it. 

"You're acting like a child that has no regard for their future. Damn it, you're just like Cortney!"  Javier surprises himself with that outburst. His eyes go wide. Why was he so angry? Yuzuru didn't deliberately do anything wrong. He just called Javier by his ex's name while in bed.

"Excuse me? How am I like Cortney? And why you yelling at me? I didn't do nothing wrong..." This is how things started to turn bad between Yuzuru and Daisuke. Yuzuru swings his bag over his shoulder and slowly backs away from Javier. 

"Carino I'm sorry.. I'm just stressed out...I didn't mean to...Can we please talk about it?" But at least now Yuzuru knows how Javier felt last night.  

Yuzuru shakes his head. "I have to go...my friends are waiting outside..." He twists the doorknob slowly. 

"When will you be back?" Javier asks, voice cracking. He doesn't want to lose Yuzuru when he just got him.

Yuzuru doesn't reply and simply walks out of the door. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Welcome to Scott's place, Yuzuru!" Patrick exclaims, inviting him and Michael in. Yuzuru looks around in awe. He's never seen such a nice looking apartment before in person. 

"You can have a seat Yuzuru. Michael help me bring out the refreshments." Scott instructs. Of course, Michael follows Scott to the kitchen while Pat and Yuzu remain in the living room. 

"Give this drink to Yuzuru." Scott hands the drink to Michael. It doesn't look like regular juice or soda. The curious Michael asks Scott what it is. 

"It's absinthe. Don't fucking ask questions and just give him the fucking drink." Michael quickly leaves the kitchen and hands Yuzuru the drink.

Yuzuru takes the drink into his hands and without a second thought, he takes a big gulp. "Ach!" He exclaims and immediately starts to cough. Patrick takes the drink from him and starts to pat his back. 

"You'll be fine hm..? Drink it slowly... " Yuzuru heeds Patrick's advice and takes the cup again. He takes slow sips and shivers as the alcohol warms his body. The last time he was drunk...everything was different.

Yuzuru looks down at the scar on his wrist and closes his eyes.

 

**[Flashback]**

Daisuke comes home, very, very angry. He had a horrible practice, and he and Morozov had a slight falling out, and it was all Yuzuru's fault. 

Yuzuru snuck into Dai's drinking cabinet while he was at practice, and drank almost all of the beers. Of course, Yuzuru is drunk, being a lightweight 16 year old. Nothing else Yuzuru did took the sadness away, so he decided to try drinking.

"What the fuck did you do?!" Daisuke shouts. Yuzuru is in the center of many beer bottles, so he stands and stumbles over them, towards Dai. Yuzuru takes a few moments to try to sort out his thoughts before smiling that all too familiar psychotic smile. 

"Good evening baby~" His words slur and his body lags. "Don't you dare good evening baby me. Why the fuck were you in my cabinet? I fucking told you not to ever go in there. You drank all my good beers! You're fucking everything up for me!!" 

The angry Dai shoves Yuzuru away, causing his foot to roll over a bottle. Yuzuru falls. "All I ever try to do is love you Dai...and you never love me... you never say it, you never even show it..." Yuzuru's little heart is beating uncontrollably for 2 reasons; the alcohol, and the fact that Dai is angry. Yuzuru sits up and sniffs. He's crying. "Why don't you love me...? I love you so much...I do everything you ask me to...I hurt myself for you...I let you take out your anger on me when you need to..I let you abuse my body, I never say no to having sex with you...I never do anything wrong, so why cant you love me?" 

Hearing all this only pisses Dai off even more. He lifts the empty beer bottle off the ground and throws it at the wall above Yuzuru's head. He's screaming like mad, every nerve in his forehead perfectly bulging. 

Yuzuru's shaking violently, terror and agony gnawing at his heart. It's the end of feeling like this for Yuzuru. He's at his wit's end. 

"The only time you ever give a fuck about me is if I'm near death..." With that, he crawls towards the remnants of the shattered beer bottle and picks a shard up. "I can't feel like this anymore...it hurts so much..." He mumbles. And with that, the young boy placing the glass shard against his wrist and slices it downwards. 

Dai quickly runs to the phone and calls for help. Yuzuru's body becomes paler by the second as he starts to swim in his own blood. Daisuke is screaming and holding Yuzuru close while keeping pressure against the wound. Nothing hurts. Is it because of the alcohol? Or is he almost gone? Yuzuru starts slipping away by the time the ambulance arrives. His pulse is faint, he's dying. He's...dying.

* * *

 

When he awakes, he's got a bitch of a headache. There's bags of blood hanging over his head and his wrist is stitched up and covered. Daisuke is hovering over him, crying of joy. He's alive. He's alive. He says the words that Yuzuru said to him that day where he wanted to end his life. "Don't cry because if you cry, I cry... don't die..if you die, I'll wanna die too...Don't be sad anymore...if you're sad, I'll be sad...I'm here for you, Yuzu...and...I l-..." He can't lie to Yuzuru, not now. "I really care about you...and I love ... you." He does love Yuzuru. Just not in the way Yuzuru wants. for now, Yuzuru doesn't need to know that. He simply smiles at Dai and shuts his eyes again.

**[End of Flashback]**

 

"Are you alright?" Patrick asks, causing Yuzuru to look up from his scar. He nods with a smile and finishes his drink. The drink Scott gave was obviously strong because things were already fuzzy.

"Michael looks cute hm Yuzu?" Scott urges Michael to move closer to Yuzuru.

Yuzuru exhales happily and nods. "But Javier..."

Truth be told, Michael has a small crush on Yuzuru. So it comes as no difficulty when he says this. "Javier never even broke up with Cortney."

Yuzuru's eyes bulge and he laughs softly. "That...that...stupid guy Javier...Take this." He drops the cup, not caring where it lands. "I'm gonna live right now...fuck Javier."

Yuzuru's leg swings over Michael's legs and he instantly grabs his cheeks. Michael pulls Yuzuru in for a desperate kiss. They skip the lip contact and go straight to tongue. Their heads move in sync, and both hearts are beating faster and faster. Yuzuru would giggle occasionally and pull away, only to say that he wants more and they'd go back at it again. Their teeth would collide every now and then.

Patrick was getting upset that Yuzuru  was enjoying himself so much. "That's enough Yuzuru."

Yuzuru whines and pulls from Michael's mouth. "But he wants to fuck me!" Patrick rolls his eyes and pulls Yuzuru from Michael's lap. 

"Go home." Patrick's voice is stern as he pushes Yuzuru away, towards the door. "Find your way home, bitch." 

Scott stands and shouts at Patrick that if he wants Yuzuru to trust him then he has to be nicer. Patrick debates and says "I snuck something in his drink, he won't remember jack-shit."

By this time, Yuzuru has already left and wandered out onto the streets of Toronto. 

Luckily, Scott doesn't live too far from Javier. Yuzuru spots Javier's car and starts to chase it. He literally runs out onto the street, chasing behind Javier's car. Javier glances at his rear view mirror and slams on the brakes. He puts the car on park and runs out to Yuzuru. The young boy is weeping and wheezing, screaming apologies. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I kissed someone else Jabi! I'm so sorry!" 

Javier furrows his brows and decides to just get Yuzuru into the car. He's obviously intoxicated and out of it. 

Where the fuck did he go?

 


	15. {15/?} Fix Me.

Sunrise. Javier hasn’t slept much. He’s far too worried about Yuzuru. He’s spent hours trying to piece together what could’ve happened to the 17 year old.

Javier has forgotten that his sister was supposed to be visiting him that morning, so when he hears a knock at the door he’s startled. Javier slowly pushes himself up off the bed and walks to the front door.

“Who is it?” He asks in a groggy, morning voice. He hears a loud laugh and the knocks continue. With a heavy sigh, Javier unlocks & opens the door. His eyes go wide when he realizes who it is.

“Ay, mi hermano!” Laura rolls her luggage in, but not before giving her baby brother a tight bear hug. Javier has no choice but to hug her back, despite the amount of shock he’s in. He hasn’t told anyone in his family about Yuzuru yet.

“Did you forget that your sister was coming to visit?” She asks in Spanish. Javier’s only able to offer her a weak smile. Laura senses that something’s wrong with him. “Javi, is everything okay? Is this a bad time?”

“No no, it’s just I haven’t brushed yet...” He chuckles slightly in embarrassment.

“Don’t even worry about it. I’m gonna go put my stuff in your room.” Before Javier can have a chance to reply, Laura’s already rolled her luggage into Javier’s bedroom. To her surprise, there’s an Asian figure sitting up on the bed. He looks pale and sick. Laura turns her head to her brother and narrows her eyes very slowly. Who the hell is in Javier’s bed and why on earth is he only in boxers and a shirt?

“No, it’s not what you think Laura…” Javier panics and quickly pulls his sister out of the room. His heart is pounding out of his chest, and his body temperature is rising rapidly. He’s been caught.

“What the hell is that little boy doing in your bed Javier!?” Laura asks, brows rising in fury. Javier runs a hand through his hair. Should he lie?  In his mind, that’s the best option.

“Yuzuru is in my bed because I found him in the streets drunk last night…he’s a fellow skater at the club and he lives with me…his mom had to go back to Japan because his dad had a horrible stroke. So-” Javier’s words are cut off when Yuzuru’s walking out of the bedroom. He’s dragging his feet behind, his right hand rubbing at his eyes, giving him a child-like appearance.

“Jabi…” He mumbles softly and as he nears Javier, he gets on his tippy toes and plants one on Javier’s lips. Javier pulls away almost instantly. If he thought his heart was pounding before, he’s met his maker now. Yuzuru senses Javier pulling away and his voice breaks instantly.

“I said I was sorry…don’t be mad at me please….” He wraps his frail arms around Javier’s built torso and squeezes softly.

Laura is watching in pure shock. She can’t believe her eyes or ears at the moment. “Yuzuru, I’ve got a question.”  Javier feels his soul being ripped from him at this moment. He knows what she’s going to ask him.  

Yuzuru turns to Laura and offers her a small smile. Laura smiles back, but it’s not the sweet smile Yuzu’s giving her.

“Are you dating Javier? Is he your boyfriend?” Laura finally asks, crossing her arms. Her eyes are firmly set on Javier.

“Mhm, he’s my boyfriend…why do you asking?” Yuzuru replies obliviously. Javier looks down from his sister’s cold glare.

Yuzuru covers his mouth suddenly and retches. The alcohol didn’t do him any justice last night. He dashes to the bathroom. This gives Laura and Javier a chance to talk.

“Laura..” Javier starts. “I didn’t mean to lie to you…I was just so scared. I didn’t want you to end up hating me for liking men..”

Laura takes a seat next to Javier. “How old is Yuzuru? Maybe 16? 17? That’s not a man Javier...Please think about what you’re doing here. I don’t care if you’re gay. Mom & dad will have a hard time adjusting but I really don’t mind.”

Javier takes a moment to process all of his sister’s advice. She’s right, but she’s also wrong.

“He makes me really happy, Lala..and I’m helping him a lot…” Javier reaches to take his sister’s hand. She lets him do so.

“Did you two already…you know…do that thing where--” Javier simply nods, not exactly wanting to remember their first time.

“He called me by his ex’s name when he finished…I was sad for a few days but I’m okay now…” Javier admits. The sadness in his eyes only grows from there.

Laura squeezes Javier’s hand as if to reassure him that he has someone to talk to. She hates to see her baby brother in any kind of pain. She wants him to be happy.

“Lala, we have to get ready for practice now…make yourself at home…” Laura nods and goes into the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

“Come on Yuzuru, you’re not giving it 100%! You only have two weeks until your first competition! David has worked really hard on your choreographer and you’re skating as if you’re just playing around. Let’s get serious here!” Brian is beyond frustrated. Yuzuru’s skating as if he hasn’t been coached in years.

Yuzuru’s panting heavily and not feeling very well. His head is swimming, aching, and pounding. He’s fallen more times than he can count. His body is bruising and aching, and he’s getting yelled at by his coach. He’s near the end of his long program. All that’s left is a spin. Except Yuzuru’s running low on gas. He completely botches the spin and lands flat on his ass.

Brian groans in frustration and slams his hand against the wall separating the ice and ground. “You know what Yuzuru? You’re not competing. You’re not ready. What a shame it was for your mom to waste money to send you all the way here and you wanna be lazy & sit on your ass! You’ll never amount to what Daisuke is!”

That’s it. That was the last straw on the camel’s back. Yuzuru stands up and starts to shout in retaliation. “I CAN’T FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T!!! MY WHOLE BODY HURTS!!! EVERYTHING HURTS! MY HEART HURTS! I CANT BREATH!! SO FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU DON’T WANT ME TO COMPETE, FINE!!!! I WON’T FUCKING COMPETE!!! I WON’T DO A SHIT HERE ANYMORE!!” He’s panting even harder than before. Everyone’s staring at him, especially Yuna. She’s on the verge of bursting into laughter.

“In my office. Now.” Brian demands and briskly walks away. Yuzuru takes a glance at everyone before he begins skating towards the exit. Moisture starts to leak from his eyes and slide down his rosy red cheeks. He’s sniffling slightly and he feels so alone. The only thing in his mind right now is ending it all. He’s had enough.

When he walks into his coach’s office, he immediately bows. He takes a few moments before taking a seat in front of Brian.

“Yuzuru…you’re showing signs of aggression, frustration, and anxiety…Have you been taking your medication?” Brian asks, a concerned look glazed over his features.

Yuzuru decides to lie. “I’m taking them…but..they not work too great..” He looks down and twiddles with his thumbs.

“Did you go to therapy yesterday? You didn’t come to practice.” Yuzuru nods softly. Again, another lie.

“Alright kid…I’m letting what happened today slide. You’ve got a therapy appointment I’ve just scheduled for you. Go home and take a nap then get to your session okay?”  

Yuzuru smiles softly and nods. “Thank you coach…I’m very sorry too…” Yuzuru stands and bows towards his coach before walking out of the office.

“Carino…are you okay? I heard what happened.” Javier looks rather concerned but Yuzuru shrugs.

“I’m fine, thank you. I’ll see you at home.” He gives Javier a peck on the lips and walks to the locker room to get changed.

Yuzuru was on his way to his therapist’s office when he spotted Patrick. He waves towards Patrick and Patrick waves back in response.

* * *

 

“Are you here to take therapy? Because I read on the internet that it only makes things worse…” Yuzuru looks down slowly. “And those medications that they give you are so bad for you..they make your conditions worse. Did you know that?”

Yuzuru shakes his head softly and slowly looks up at the building. Why is Patrick telling him these things? Are they even true? Would his mom ever allow him to get worse? His fingertips begin to touch each other as a way to mask the anxiety he feels inside.

“Don’t waste your time in there Hanyu…why don’t we go do something fun? Gimme your pills and we’ll throw them out.” Patrick offers Yuzuru his hand. Yuzuru looks from Patrick’s hand to the building. Something tells him to skip therapy and just go with Patrick. But part of him knows that Patrick has nothing but bad intentions. Needless to say, he’s attracted to all the wrong things.

Yuzuru reaches in his bag and feels for the pill bottles.  Once he’s grabbed them, he hands them to Patrick. Patrick takes all of the pills and empties them into his hands. He then throws them in the river beside the buildings and smiles.

“You’ve turned a new leaf in your life. Daisuke would be so proud…” Patrick smirks to himself as he watches Yuzuru twitch with anger.

“Scott’s gonna drive us to this cool place alright? You’ll have lots of fun. Michael’s coming too.” Yuzuru sighs shakily at the mention of Michael.

“Don’t worry…it’ll be fun.”


	16. {16/?} Angry Sex?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the delay in updating! School is crazy and I'm trying to manage life and everything else that's being thrown at me! I hope you can forgive me & I hope you can enjoy this chapter. Dedicated to my friend(you know who you are). Thank you so much for helping me with the story!
> 
> W A R N I N G : Explicit scenes are contained in this chapter (ie, sex, abuse, drug abuse, violence). You've been warned.

Yuzuru gets into Scott's car and buckles up. Patrick slides into the passenger seat and greets Scott. He looks to his right and sees Michael sitting there. Blurry pictures of what happened a night ago rush through the 17 year olds head. What does he say to Michael? Does he try to talk to him? Or does he remain silent?  
  
After a 15 minute car ride, the group arrives at their destination. An abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. Everyone gets out of the car, except for Yuzuru. He's lost track of time since he's lost in his thoughts. What's going to happen?  
  
Yuzuru's arm is tugged at, and it takes him by surprise as he's dragged out.  
  
"Why're you acting so strange Hanyu?"  Patrick asks in a confused tone. Yuzuru looks up at him and shakes his head. He couldn't tell why he was acting so strange either.  
  
Patrick takes Yuzuru's hand and leads him towards the building. Yuzuru watches as Patrick let's go of his hand, takes a rock and  throws it at the window. Yuzuru shrieks in fear and quickly covers his ears.  
  
Scott laughs at Yuzuru and shoves him forward. "Get inside the house." He demands in a rough tone of voice. The Japanese boy nods and steps into the house, following after Patrick and Michael. They lead him into the bedroom of the house. Yuzuru takes a seat on the floor beside Michael.  
  
"Yuzuru, we'll let you pick which drug to take hm?" Patrick grabs the bag from Scott and pulls out plastic bags. Yuzuru's heart is racing and his head is swimming. He doesn't want to do drugs. Why did he agree to come with Patrick? What if the coach does random drug testing before the competition?  
  
"You have the choice of Molly, weed, acid, or ketamine." Yuzuru stares at Patrick blankly. He doesn't understand which drug does what.  
  
"Okay. Acid and molly are in pill form and you get very hyped from them, weed you smoke but honestly it's the weakest of them all. It makes you mellow. Ketamine...the best way to get the ultimate high is if you inject. It's a cat tranquilizer."  
  
Yuzuru glances over the drugs laid out on the bed. 'The pills seem to be too much..I don't think I'd want to be too excited..' The young boy thinks to himself. His eyes fall onto the next drug.  'I'll smell like weed when I go home and Javi will be mad...' And finally, there's the ketamine. Yuzuru licks over his bottom lip before chewing it softly. He slowly lifts his finger and points to the needle and small vile on the bed.  
  
Patrick looks over and grabs the vile.  
  
"You want ketamine?" Patrick asks, just to be sure. Yuzuru brings his hand up to his face, and scratches his cheek as he nods shyly. Patrick smirks to himself and hides the vile to Scott.  
  
"Take care of him for me Scotty boy. I'm gonna chat with Mikey. Come now." He calls out to Michael and leaves the room. Michael follows behind and closes the door behind him.  
  
Yuzuru stares at Scott as he unpackages the new needle.  
  
"You're not scared of this, Hanyu?" Scott asks in a low tone. Yuzuru chuckles a bit and shakes his head.  
  
"I'm ... excited to trying new things..." Scott hears Yuzuru's reply and sighs shakily. He wants to ruin Yuzuru's life, but he doesn't want to RUIN Yuzuru's life. He sticks the needle into the vile and pulls the syringe up.  
  
"Listen...this is gonna be the only time we allow you to do a drug as drastic as ketamine okay?" Yuzuru simply nods and reaches for the rubber band strap. Scott sets the needle down and fastens the band tightly around Yuzuru's slender bicep. Soon, Yuzuru's vein pops up, bulging.  
  
No thoughts are going through Yuzuru's head at the moment. He's as calm as one can get in this sort of situation. This terrifies Scott and sends chills down his spine. He picks up the needle with his shaky hand. He flicks at the base a few times to eliminate all bubbles.  
  
Yuzuru takes a few more calming breathes and balls his hand into a fist. As Scott inserts the needle into Yuzuru's arm, the younger closes his eyes shortly. He suddenly feels a rush of something cold flow through his blood stream. He lets out a small yelp and slowly falls back onto the bed. The needle slides out of his arm and Scott undoes the band around Yuzuru's arm.  
  
Yuzuru's rolling around on the bed as he feels his breathing slow down involuntarily.  
  
"Yuzuru, you're asthmatic aren't you?" Scott asks, concern in his voice. No response. He's too busy rolling around, groaning softly. Luckily, Scott knows CPR & has an asthma pump just in case. Again, he doesn't want to ruin Yuzuru's life, he just wants to ruin Yuzuru.  
  
Scott read online that people who have ketamine in their systems can't feel pain, so he decides to punch Yuzuru in the balls to see if it's true. He twists Yuzuru so that he's flat on his back. He pulls his fist back and punches Yuzuru right in the nuts. Yuzuru gasps for a moment before letting out a soft giggle.  To Scott, Yuzuru's groans and giggles are very attractive so before anything else ensues, he silently leaves the room. Yuzuru's left to roll on his high all alone.  
  
Yuzuru didn't notice that Patrick took his phone while he was getting his dose of Special K. Javier sent Yuzuru a text, saying that he'd be out front of the therapists office in 20 minutes.  
  
"Oh shit...Michael. Grab Hanyu. I'll clean up and Scott will get the car." After Patrick gives those orders, everyone leaves to do what they've been asked. Anxiety rushes through Patricks body, accompanied with a rush of adrenaline as Scott hurries and pushes Yuzuru into the car.  
  
He speeds on the way back to the therapists office. Everyone's quiet while Patrick explains to Yuzuru how he should act around Javier so that suspicion doesn't arise.  
  
"Try to be as normal as you can...if he asks what's wrong say that you're tired. Okay? Or you can say that you're still adjusting to the new meds the doctor gave you so you're a bit weird.  Go home. Get sleep. Tomorrow you'll wake up with a headache. Drink lots of water. Oh! And have a snack before bed and have breakfast. It should help?"  
  
Yuzuru only hears about half of what Patrick said and none of it made sense. Once he arrives, he grabs his bag and stumbles out onto the street and waits for his boyfriend at the bench across the street.  
  
Before Scott drives off, Patrick turns to Michael and asks. "Was the camera recording when he got injected?" Michael nods only. "And did you put the weed in his bag like I asked?" Michael looks down at his lap, feeling ashamed.  
  
"Yes, Patrick...I did what you asked." Patrick smiles grimly and motions for Scott to drive away. Plan is a success.

* * *

  
  
Yuzuru waits patiently for his boyfriend to pick him up. He's rolling like mad and everything is fuzzy, lagging, and loopy. He suddenly feels a burst of courage and pulls his phone out to text Daisuke.  
  
Sent to: Daisuke ❤️  
I miss you call me xoxo.  
  
He tucks his phone away and sighs softly. Yuzuru feels absolutely nothing at this point. He's literally floating in the air when the sound of a horn honking rips him away from his short moment of total serenity. Yuzuru opens his eyes and notices a familiar car; it's Javier's. Yuzuru quickly crutches his bag and dashes towards the vehicle. Once he successfully opens the passenger door, he throws his bag inside and slides into the seat. Javier leans over and gives him a peck on the lips like any good boyfriend would.  
  
"How was therapy?" He asks, eyes occasionally glancing at Yuzuru after he pulls back into the road. Yuzuru just hums in response. Javier kept silent, thinking that maybe Yuzuru was contemplating his answer. Obviously, this wasn't the case. The boy could barely keep his eyes open.  
  
As the road back home continues, Javier notices the soft snores coming from the younger that has slightly curled up since Javi last glances at him. 'He's sleeping because he's so tired...' Javier wrongly assumes. 'The poor kid..' Yuzuru continues to nap peacefully until Javier arrives at their apartment.  
  
Javier parks in the parking lot, walks over to Yuzuru's side, opens the door, scoops him up, grabs his bag, locks the car, and walks towards the apartment building. Hrs greeted at the door by a sweet smelling pastry. Much to his surprise, Javier's sister walks out in an apron covered in flour.  
  
"Aw.. Is the little guy asleep?" She asks softly, walking up to Yuzuru. Javier nods and slowly moves to set Yuzuru down on the sofa.  
  
"Si...I guess his therapy session wore him out." Javier states as he sets Yuzuru's bag beside him. "When he wakes up, I'm going to surprise him with a dinner date and a hotel room key. I think he really deserves it."  
  
Javier's sister simply nods and hums softly. "Mhm...just make sure you take some treats to go with you. Do you plan on spending the night at that hotel?" Javier nods in response.  
  
"Brian told me that he convinced Yuzuru's mom to enroll Yuzuru in a Japanese online school. I think he'll be really excited to finally have some good in his life." Javier smiles happily and his sister notices how happy her brother is.  
  
" I'm glad you're so happy chuchi.. I'm gonna finish the pastries. Tell me before you leave!" She calls out and returns to the kitchen. Javier disappears into his and Yuzuru's bedroom and starts to pack for the night. He packs lightly, because they'd only be spending 1 night and 1 day there.  
  
  
Yuzuru eventually wakes up feeling heavily sedated. He purses his lips and rubs his eyes. It takes him a while before he finally pushes himself up off the sofa & into his bedroom. His yawns softly as he notices Javier dressed in business casual wear. Yuzu tilts his head softly, confusion written all over his face. Why was Javi so dressed up?  
  
"Ah, Cariño~ I'm glad you're awake. I've lain out some clothes for you. I hope you don't mind but..." Javier inches closer to Yuzuru and slowly wraps his arms around the younger. "But I'd like to take you out this evening...and spend the night at a nice hotel..."  
  
Yuzuru blushes and looks away shyly. He can't recall the last time someone was so loving with him. Javi lifts a hand to brush softly against Yuzuru's cheek and he lets out an unmanly giggle. Yuzuru's giggle causes Javier's heart to flutter and skip a few beats.  
  
"What do you say..?" He finally speaks. "Will you go out with me, my love?" Javier chews on his lower lip softly and watches as Yuzuru leans in to whisper something in his ear.  
  
"I'd be more than happy to go out with you..." And with that, Yuzuru cups the olders cheeks and stares into his eyes for a soft moment. Yuzuru's pupils are still dilated and he's still a bit woozy, but Javier's too excited to notice. Yuzuru gives Javi a soft peck on the lips and slips away to go get dressed. Let the night begin.  
  


* * *

  
  
After they he got dressed, the couple walk to Javier's car and drive over to the fancy restaurant.  
  
"I hope you like it baby. It's a new, Romanian style restaurant. They play traditional music as well as modern music. They have Romanian food too that I hope you'll try...' Javier starts to ramble out of anxiety but Yuzuru tries to soothe him by taking his hand and squeeze it softly. The two enter the restaurant and are guided by a hostess to their reserved table. Yuzuru sat across from Javier and slowly took the menu that was handed to him. A catchy tune was playing in the background while Javier ordered for the two.  
  
"We, We were lost  
This world of pain  
I miss you so much now I call again  
Come, come tonight  
Just hold me tight  
This desert rain your my guiding light  
  
We, we were lost  
This walk of tide  
We forgot about love, You forgot about us  
Now I am here  
Dreams become real."  
  
By the time the second chorus came around, Yuzuru was already humming along to the beat. He really enjoyed the way the bagpipes meshed with the upbeat tempo. Javier notices this and chuckles softly. Yuzuru's body was also dancing to the beat. His body feels euphoric and the music was adding onto that relaxed feeling.  
  
"You're so cute Cariño." Yuzuru blushes softly and reaches for a small appetizer that was set in front of him. He lifts it to his mouth and bites into it softly. He hums in delight at the taste and laughs softly as some sauce drips down his chin.  
  
"Is it good? It's called....Ciuperci umplute..." Javier tries his best to pronounce the name of the Romanian  dish.  
  
"It's so good~" Yuzuru chimes in response and reaches for another.  
  
Music continues to fill the cheery place as they guests are served with smiles and happy vibes. Yuzuru really likes this place and he's glad Javier brought him. Soon, dinner is served. Javier ordered them both the "sarmale" dish. The couple dove into the pickled cabbage leaves stuffed with a mix of minced meats, rice and spices. Dinner was quite good.  
  
"Yuzuru...I wanna talk about our pasts...I think it's important to know where you come from and where I come from, you know..? Can you tell me about you and Daisuke?" Javier bites his lip as Yuzuru sips his drink.  
  
"What do you wanna know?" He asks in a soft tone. Javier looks around before leaning in closer, as if to conceal his words.  
  
"I wanna know how he treated you..anything about your sexual experiences..I'll share first." Javier sits up and smiles. "So..my first relationship was Cortney. I really loved her but I started to lose interest. I felt like I was missing something that I found in you...we gave our virginity to each other last year..it was a new experience to me..yeah it felt amazing but I always felt empty afterwards...my sister's the only one who knows I like men and that I'm dating you. I think she always knew and she was always accepting of me which made my acceptance of myself easier." Javier pauses to take a sip of his virgin drink. "...I was going to be a father once but...Courtney had an abortion...ever since then, our relationship was never the same..." Javier sighs shakily, looking down. "I never knew I wanted to be a father until my child was killed.." He said in a sour tone, lost in his thoughts more than anything. He's silent. No one ever knew about the abortion. Not even his sister knows about the abortion. It's a big secret he's kept with him for a long time.  
  
Yuzu ignores all the parts about Cortney and reaches to take Javier's hand. He strokes the back of the older's hand with his thumb in soft strokes. He knows what it's like to blame yourself for decisions that someone else made. After a moment of silence, Yuzuru pipes up.  
  
"All Daisuke wanted from me was sexing. It didn't matter if I were sick, tired,  nothing. He just wanted to put his dick inside. Once, while we were fucking he was telling me how I am ugly. He took a pillow...and shoved it on my face. I couldn't breathe good and I thought I was gonna die. He didn't take off the pillow until he cum inside." Yuzuru looks down. "He'd hit me, throw things at me...choking me...always telling me I'm ugly and that all I'm good for is sex and even sometimes I'm not even good for that...he's the reason I started to hurt my body and now I can't stopping..." Yuzuru mumbles softly, tears brimming in his eyes. "I h-hate me because of ... He hate me.. He always tolding me that I should just die... And I tried to a good times but he always saved me. I no idea why..." The young boy shrugs softly. "So I just skating to feel better...it helps lots of times but now Brian always yelling but it's not my fault because of Patrick making me hate myself too... Saya hates me because she not skate anymore because of me. My dad is dying because of me. My mom is tired of me...everything and everyone is crumbling like cookie and it's because of me, Javier..I'm the evil in the world. Daisuke is right when he said I should just die,.." Yuzuru's panting softly, anger and agony shining through his Snow White skin. It's the first time he's voluntarily confessed to someone in this way. He doesn't know how Javier will react and quite frankly he's scared shitless. What if Javier thinks Yuzuru is too damaged and leaves him? Just like Dai did. History often repeats itself.  
  
Yuzuru purses his lips slightly as Javier reaches to wipe at his tears. He's highly grateful that Javier is there to listen to him. It's more effective than therapy.  
  
"Cariño, no matter what you can always come to me. Even if in the future you grow to hate me, you can always count on me to be there for you. You deserve to be alive as much as anyone else. You've got SUCH beautiful talent and you make me proud when you improve each and every day. I love you, Yuzuru Hanyu. I really do and I want you to know that." Boom. Javier didn't mean to say it right then, but it slipped.  
  
Yuzuru's eyes are wide open. No man has ever said that he loved Yuzuru and actually meant it. Yuzuru can't help but to cover his lips and squeal in excitement. Someone actually loves him. Someone LOVES him. This is astounding news.  
  
"Do you love me too Yuzuru?" Javier asks, but immediately after he regrets it. He shouldn't push the fragile boy beyond his limits. Yuzuru's blush intensifies and nods firmly. He does love Javier, there was no question about that.  
  
"I just can't say it yet okay Jabi? I'll say it one day when I'm ready!" He giggles softly and his eyes are lighting like they've never been lit before. Was Javier the cause of this sudden lit light? If this is the case, Javier vows to himself at this very moment that we will do any and everything for Yuzuru to be happy and to light up the way he is now. He makes a mental promise, not wanting to remind the boy too much of his past.  
  
After Javier pays for the bill and laughs softly as he and Yuzuru walk out, hand in hand.  
  
"Thank you for sharing with me tonight Yuzu. It means so much to me." Yuzuru leans over and pecks Javier's cheek, signaling a "me too."  
  


* * *

  
  
The hotel room door is opened by Javier while Yuzuru is the first to step inside. His mouth is agape and he's making the most adorable sounds known to man. Javier sets the bags down and chuckles a bit.  
  
"Do you like the room baby?" He asks while wrapping his arms around Yuzuru. Yuzuru sighs. There's something that Javier bought up at dinner that Yuzuru can't seem to shake out of his mind.  
  
"You never broke up with Cortney." He states bluntly, his eyes slowly narrowing. Javi tilts his head. Why does it matter? He's with Yuzu now.  
  
"I didn't think it was such a big deal." Javier shrugs this off while Yuzuru rips from his grip. Due to him not taking the medicine, he's easily agitated and gets aggressive from the get go.  
  
"Not a big deal?" He repeats while shoving Javier. "You're with  another somebody still you can't be with me." He shouts. The anger has risen and has caught him at his throats. There. Are no words. Just anger.  
  
Javier tries to reach a hand out to sooth Yuzu, but Yuzuru just shoves him again. And again. And again.  
  
"Stop fucking pushing me." Javier warns in a calm but stern voice. But of course, the angry teen didn't pay a lick of attention and continued to shove Javier. Javier wasn't one to get angry easily, but it's different when he's being pushed. It brings back memories that he's worked so hard to forget.  
  
Pretty soon, Javier loses himself and tackles Yuzuru to the ground. Upon impact, Yuzuru hits his head on the hotel room floor. In his mind, he blacks out. But in actuality, he lunges forward to kiss Javier as if to display his raw passion.  
  
                                                                                                                                                                     {Flashback}  
  
When Daisuke returns home, he's astonished to find that Yuzuru was still home, sitting in the same exact spot he was when Daisuke left.  The anger that consumed Daisuke when he left was the same anger that consumed him now.  
  
"I thought I told you to fucking get lost Hanyu. I'm not your boyfriend anymore." Daisuke tries his best not to attack Yuzuru. Yuzuru just gives that infamous sadistic smile of his and turns towards Daisuke.  
  
"Where'd you head off to? Smoking those disgusting cigarettes hm? You're getting sloppy Daisuke." Yuzuru stands and starts to dust off, Daisuke's phone in his hands. "I've forwarded more pictures and videos to Hashimoto...there's this one video that I found very interesting. It's you whoring yourself out to Morozov, spreading your ass for him so willingly. He seems so uninterested and it looks forced on his part. This is where you learned to be heartless?" Yuzuru bursts into a fit of rage laughter. His face is red as scarlet and he plays the video for Daisuke, blasting the volume. Amidst Yuzuru's laughter,  is the sound of Daisuke moaning so whorishly for more of Morozov's cock. Despite his appearance, Yuzuru isn't happy to have found these videos of Dai. In fact, it tears at his heart quite a bit.  
  
Daisuke is so angry that he can't even move. Yuzuru constantly eggs him on and when the video is played, all Daisuke sees is the color red. He jumps over the sofa and manages to wrap his hands around Yuzuru's neck, squeezing as harshly as he could. That's it. Fuck Yuzuru. Daisuke wanted him dead at this point. It didn't fucking matter anymore.  
  
"Not so fast, Dai" Yuzuru mumbles, lifting his hand and thwacking the phone against the side of Dai's head. He starts bashing as hard as he could, and damn was he strong. Dai even asks himself where in the hell this strength came from. Eventually Dai was forced to let go of Yuzuru's neck, flinging him to the other side of the room and afterwards, he holds his head with his hands. Yuzuru holds his throat and coughs only slightly. It didn't take long before Yuzuru started to laugh again. He sat down and spread his legs, brought a hand down to his crotch and started to rub himself, mimicking one of the videos he found on Dai's phone.  
  
"A-ah~ Nikolai, I want you~" Yuzuru mocked Daisuke's English as he remembers from the video. "I want your cock inside~ so big and hard." Yuzuru can barely get through the last sentence with a straight face. "How pathetic that you have to fuck your coach just to get him to pay you a glance of attention. Even your money doesn't satisfy him. You aren't enough. You're practically useless now that your jene has crippled your career." Yuzuru chuckles. "Was about damn time that life served you a dish hm?" Dai looks so sad at this point. He's got no reply to the menacing way Yuzuru's speaking to him.  
  
"It's funny...it really is. Nikolai wanted to use you. He got into your pants and you fucked your knee up. It's your fault really. Your parents were too poor to even afford to care for you. Had it not been for your coach, you'd be rotting away in some jail cell with an anus the size of a grapefruit." Yuzuru claps as he throws his head back in laughter. "Oh god Dai..so pathetic. Really is a fucking shame that you have to do all that for someone who wants to use you as a slab of meat and nothing more." Finally, the kid shuts his mouth.  
  
Dai is finally able to respond to Yuzuru. "We're the exact same. He doesn't love me. I don't love you. I just wanted to fuck a virgin." Yuzuru's jaw tightens.  
  
" I used to think we were the same, but we're not. I'm better than you, I'm going to win at Sochi, and the most amazing part is that I never ask you for sex. It's always you coming to me. Did you really think you'd get anywhere with those titanium knees of yo-"  Yuzuru's words are cut off by a blow to the jaw.  
  
"Uppercut bitch!" Daisuke shouts at him. Yuzuru rubs at his jaw and begins to attack Daisuke. He's punching, kicking, thrashing; and Daisuke is doing the exact same thing. Daisuke's rough punches cause Yuzuru to gradually back up against the wall after falling a few times. He's bleeding from his mouth.  
  
They're both panting and bleeding when they lock eyes with each other. Daisuke's face is dead straight while Yuzuru slowly breaks out a smirk.  
  
"Hit me again." The smirk slowly dies down into a pleading look. "Please..." He mumbles, arms moving up to grip Daisuke's biceps. "I need you to hit me...I've been so bad..I deserve it...I'm sorry...don't leave me...don't...fix me Daisuke...please fix me...I need you to fix me please..." Daisuke slowly cups Yuzuru's cheek. Just as he's about to apologize, Yuzuru slaps Daisuke.  
  
"Fucking hit me! You do it all the time so just do it again!" The teen snarls. Daisuke pulls back  a balled fist and let's all his energy flow through a powerful blow to Yuzuru's stomach. Yuzuru whimpers softly and throws his head back, his arms wrapping around Dai's neck and pulling him in for a forceful kiss.  
  
Daisuke doesn't know why, but he feels compelled to kiss back- and he does kiss Yuzuru back ever so fervently. Yuzuru slowly starts to claw at Daisuke's neck with his sharp nails until he felt beads of blood coat his fingers. Daisuke groaned in pain while still punching Yuzuru in the abdomen. Don't be fooled, the punches never got softer or ceased. Daisuke is taking out all his frustrations and fury on Yuzuru. Yuzuru loves it.  
  
One thing leads to another and the punches stop, but only to pull down Yuzuru's pants and underwear. Fuck the shirt. It could stay on for all either of them care. While Daisuke was undressing him, Yuzuru was already toying with Dai's cock through the fabric of his sweatpants. No matter what he said, Yuzuru always knew that Daisuke wanted him physically.  
  
Soft whines escaped Yuzuru as Daisuke kneed him in the gut, causing him to collapse to his knees. Yuzuru already knew what Daisuke meant by this action, so he promptly pulled Daisuke's cock from the pants and shoved the hardened limb in his mouth all in one go. Daisuke barely even gave Yuzuru a chance to breathe and just started to ram his length down the younger's throat. Slobber dribbles from both Yuzu's mouth and Dai's cock onto the ground. Yuzuru's eyes are kept shut tight as Daisuke rips, pulls, and tugs at Yuzuru's black locks in a rough manner.  
  
When Daisuke decides that Yuzuru's had enough, he kicks the younger off of his cock and stares at him menacingly as he fully removes his pants. He throws them to the side and watches as Yuzuru kicks at his injured knee. Luckily, he's able to dodge it.  
  
"You fucker... You're fucking psycho!" Yuzuru shrugs. What's the use in getting upset over something that you know is true? He embraces his "different mentality." Yuzuru turns to have his back face Daisuke and slowly bends down. He reaches his hands back and spreads his cheeks for Daisuke while balancing his body weight by using his shoulder against the wall. Daisuke's seething at this point. He wants to fuck Yuzuru but he wants to kill him too. He can't have the best of both worlds so he makes a compromise with himself. He'll harm Yuzuru while fucking him. Yeah. This seems like a good plan.  
  
Daisuke walked over to his wallet and pulled out a condom and a "to-go" packet of lubricant. He always carried those two items in his wallet in case Morozov wanted to indulge in the dice.  
  
When he returns to Yuzuru the condom is already rolled onto his cock. Yuzuru turns to see what's taking so long and catches a glimpse of Daisuke trying to open the lubricant packet with his teeth. Yuzuru swallows thickly.  
  
"Am I that disgusting that you have to wear a condom...? We never wear condoms." Yuzuru attempts to look into Dai's eyes. Dai returns the look with an icy cold glare and an emotionless countenance.  
  
"Yes, you're that disgusting." He simply answers. Daisuke squeezed the lube onto his fingers and rubbed the slick digits against Yuzuru's entrance. After doing so, he shoves Yuzuru's face and forces him to stare at the wall.  
  
"Don't look at me. You disgust me." He mumbled, using one hand to guide his cock into Yuzuru. He let out a small grunt as he successfully pushed the tip of his cock in. Yuzuru whines softly in pleasure. So far, there was no pain. But with how angry Dai was, pain was soon to come. In one swift and harsh thrust, Daisuke shoved the remainder of his cock into the younger boy, causing him to shout in pain. He starts to tighten around Daisuke in a desperate attempt to adjust to the thickness of Daisuke's manhood, but Daisuke wasn't being merciful today. He grabbed Yuzuru by the hair and pulled his head back, causing Yuzuru to feel like his head would snap off.  
  
Only after Yuzuru is left gagging for air is when Daisuke starts to thrust, no, ram into Yuzuru...full throttle. There was no working up to a steady pace, there was no gentleness. It was just anger and haste. Anyone sound that Yuzuru dared to make refused to come out. Aur couldn't reach his lungs and his neck was getting sore very quickly. Despite all the pain he feels, he stays there and accepts it. He knows that if anyone deserves this, it's him.  
  
Yuzuru's weak body couldn't take much more of the lack of oxygen so he slowly started to black out. Daisuke didn't give one fuck. He continued to thrust and thrust until he felt near his release. Just as Yuzuru is about to pass out, Daisuke releases into the condom. He makes no sound. It's not a pleasuring release.  
  
He pulls out of Yuzuru, throws the boy to the ground, and walks to his bedroom to go pack. It'd be the last time he'd see or speak to Yuzuru in a while. He doesn't even bother to check if the younger is breathing. The words spoken were too harsh and Daisuke couldn't do this anymore. He had to leave and it had to be now.  
  
Yuzuru remains passed out on the floor, never to see Dai again...for now.  
  
                                                                                                                                                              {End of Flashback}  
  
Javier is left shaking, and bleeding. He's terrified out of his damn mind. He stares at the younger who passed out shortly after they came.  
  
 Yuzuru was beating on him while they were making love. Or was it love? Maybe it was just angry sex...


	17. {17/?} Finally.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: triggering scenes are contained in this chapter! 
> 
> I appreciate your support thus far!! The story should be over in the next 2 or so chapters. Feedback is always appreciated!

By the time Yuzu wakes up, Javier is no where to be found. Yuzuru groans softly. Maybe Javier is in the bathroom. As the young boy gets up to go check on his boyfriend, its revealed that Javier is not in the hotel room. A sudden wave of panic hits the young boy. Quickly, he gets up and searches for his phone. He dials his boyfriends number, to no avail. He's sent straight to voicemail. He decides to try calling the house phone and to his luck, Javier's sister picks up the phone.

"Hello?" She says with a Spanish accent. Her voice seems warm and accepting, which makes it easier for Yuzuru to talk to her.

"H-hi..uhm...where's Jabi? I woke up morning today and he not in bed...he leaves no note I don't know where he is. I...I called his phone and he don't answer where is he? Do you know? I'm scared…" Yuzuru's voice is low and shaky. He really hopes that he hasn't scared his boyfriend off.

Laura looks over to Javier. With just one look she's able to tell that her younger brother doesn't want to speak to his boyfriend right now.

"Ah, Yuzu...Javi went to train. He's sending a taxi over to the hotel now. He apologizes." That's all she speaks before hanging up.

Before the young boy gets a chance to respond, the phone is hung up in his face. He begins to gather his things and waits down stairs in the lobby to be picked up by the taxi. He hasn't even brushed his teeth, he just wants to get home as soon as possible.

-

Shaking her head, Laura turns to her brother and says, "You really shouldn't lie to him like that. You'll upset him and hurt him. He's already unstable. Do you really want to be held responsible if he tries to kill himself again?I mean, I can understand why you babysit him. You don't want him to die and it be your fault and that's okay but there comes a point where you need to stop and think about yourself. You can't spend the rest of your days watching over a teenager and worrying and making sure he's taking his medication. If you wanted that you could've worked at a looney bin. It's not your fault he's so fucked up. I mean it's not as though he loves you for crying out loud. Look at your face!! Look at the wounds on your body! Does someone who loves you do that to you?! Unless you lied to me about what really happened. Did he really attack you during sex?"

Javier gives her no response. Quite frankly, he has no idea what to say. His phone keeps ringing. He reaches over and grabs his phone looking at all the missed calls. All of his calls are from Yuzuru and right now it just hurts too much to answer them. Yuzuru did in fact attack Javier during intercourse. Javier is shaken up and scared. His sister hasn't been of much help. She's mostly yelling at him for getting involved with Yuzu in the first place.

After all the yelling and fussing about why he shouldn't date Yuzu, Javier finally answers, "You can't help who you fall in love with... I'm not so sure if he loves me, considering the events that took place last night, but one things for sure I love him and I promised to protect him and make him happy and that's what I have to do the matter what it takes. No matter how much I'm in pain, no matter how much I have to fake happiness...for him I'll do anything."

Laura is taken a back by her younger brother's words. She's angry and doesn't understand why Javi isn't doing what's best for him.

"Are you kidding me right now!? You don't even know if the kid loves you! Heck, the kid doesn't even love himself. He doesn't even know what love is so how do you expect him to love you? Look Javier, I know you're only two years younger than me but you need to understand that I know what's best for you. I have to act as your mother seeing his mom isn't here and you're living on your own okay? So please try to take my advice! At least listen to what I'm saying!"

Javi shakes his head slowly. "I am listening to what you're saying, but it's just too much okay? You're insulting him and that upsets me. You have a no idea how good of a kid he is… How much he makes me happy… How much seeing him smile brings joy to me. Sure, he has his fair share of problems but that's only because he's had a hard life. He's had to suffer a lot okay? You don't know the first thing about him other than the bad things I've told you. I haven't told you the good things because… I was ashamed to tell you about how happy I was when I could. I was happy with another man, or rather...boy... I was scared because I thought you would reject me for that very reason. Now it'll probably seem fake and as though I'm trying to hide something but I'm not. Yuzu has made me very happy and I do love him. You just have to take that and accept it because it's not going to change no matter how much you or I want it to..."

Laura is still in shock. Her brother has never been in this weird of a mood. "Just do me this favor okay? I leave for home tonight and your competition is in a few weeks. I will be there at your competition, cheering for you. But you have to do me this one favor okay? You have to..." she sighs as Javier's phone rings yet again.

"There's only two weeks left until the competition. Take those two weeks for yourself. Spend them training and trying to get back into shape like you were supposed to before you met him. Remember the reason why mom sent you all the way over here to Canada. It was to train to be a better figure skater than you were in Spain. Please don't let us down. Avoid him...don't talk to him for these two weeks. Stay away from him just take these two weeks for yourself. At the competition you may focus on him, but mostly focus on yourself and on your goals. You have to medal okay? Mom will be very disappointed if you don't and she'll feel like she wasted her money so please if you want to remain happy to this... I say this with love as your big sister... please reconsider your relationship because it's not healthy one. He will eat you alive and suck away all of your happiness please Javi.. wake up and realize the monster that this kid is. If you just want someone for sex there's lots of other people you can pick from. You don't have to stay with him... you don't have to have him stay in your house he can find another way to be able to train in Canada just like you did. You don't have to suffer just because of him...please remember that. I love you..."

Laura walks over to her brother and gives him a tight bearhug. Javier returns to hug but it's weak and halfhearted. Laura steps back and gives a disheartened smile. It hurts...it hurts that her brother won't let her help.

"Fine..." She whispers as she slowly disappears into the room, grabbing her luggage. She walks up to him and leans in very close. "If I can't make you see that you've let the demon into your home... then no one can." And with that, she leaves the residence.

-

Once the taxi finally arrived to the hotel, it took Yuzu directly to the ice rink. He decided that Javi clearly wanted nothing to do with him, at the moment at least, so he's focusing on the competition.

Brian is praising Yuzu's hardwork and improvement since the last session. He's saying things like, "now that's how a quad is done!" Or "that gold medal in Sochi has your name written all over it!" It was hard for Brian not to show favoritism, but when such talent presents itself you can't help but to get overly excited.

Yuzuru is told to take a water break. As he skates towards his bottle, Javier approaches the rink. Yuzuru's eyes open wide and he ditches the bottle to hurriedly skate over to his boyfriend. He's both upset and relieved. As Yuzuru gets closer, he notes bruises and scratches along Javier's face and neck. He gasps in horror.

"Javi! Who did that to you?!" Yuzuru shouts as he reaches out to touch Javi. The elder slowly backs off. Yuzuru seems genuinely surprised. Should Javier tell him what took place last night or not?

"Don't worry about my face...I'm fine. Yuzu, actually... I think we need a break... I need to focus on my training and I can't afford any distractions..."

Yuzuru gulps and sighs shakily. "A-ah...right..." Now he's definitely convinced that he did something to scare Javier off.

"You're still my boyfriend okay? I just need a break right now... I can't afford to let you slow me down or else I'll have wasted all of my time and parents money in Canada. I hope you understand.."

'Oh...' Yuzuru thinks. "I understanding...don't worry, you not the first person to scared to be around me... If I could, I would leave me too. I'm too much burden for every people..." Yuzuru gives a weak smile before mumbling "good luck Javi." and skating off.

Seeing Yuzuru sad like that makes Javier want to rush over and envelope him with warmth and love...but he can't. His sister was right about one thing... He had to improve his skating if he wanted to medal and to do that, he requires focus- something he can't do with Yuzuru around...no matter how much it hurts.

Javier starts to work with Brian and receives praise as well. Yuzuru sits and watches sadly. He's no clue what to do at this point. It all hurts so much. He wants to cry but that'll only make Javier feel worse. He wants to cut but that'll tug at Javier's conscience. He wants to die but- no. That's not even an option right now.

Time quickly passes and Yuzuru finds himself in front of the rink, waiting for Javier to grab his things from the locker room. Yuzuru went to grab his things earlier than usual in order to avoid running into Javi. It's cold out and all he has on is a thin jacket. He's shivering and shaking, trying to get his body to create heat by moving his legs. Finally, Javier walks through the front door of the skating rink. He glances over at Yuzu.

"I...can you ask coach for a ride home?" Is the first thing Javier asks. Yuzuru's eyebrows furrow and he looks as though he's on the verge of tears.

"I c-can't he already left..." Still moving, Yuzuru sucks in a breath.

"I can't give you a ride though... I'm sorry. You'll have to take the bus home."

Yuzuru gasps softly. "But the bus don't run at this time...I have no money...and it's really cold...I'd have to walking there...plus there's no key for me...please Javi..I'll do anything...don't leave me out here like this..." His voice is sincere and he's actually very scared. He doesn't want to get hurt and its late- too late for a teen such as himself to be walking alone.

Javier has no words. Seeing Yuzuru beg like that is too painful. "I'm sorry..." He mumbles before running off to his car. Yuzuru chases after him, but he's weighed down by his bag and the harsh weather. Javier starts his car and starts backing out of the parking spot. Yuzuru finally catches up and starts banging on the car. He's screaming "Don't leave me! You promised!" But his efforts are futile. Javier leaves the parking lot.

Yuzuru begins to walk home from the rink, tears streaming down his face. It's hard to breathe, it's cold, he hasn't eaten all day, and his head hurts. None of those are what causes his true issue, though. He's afraid that Javier fell out of love with him and it's tearing at him. Had it been anyone else, he would've fallen into a fit of anger but because it was Javier, someone he grew feelings for, all he felt was pain.

His mind begins playing tricks on him when he thinks he hears footsteps and laughter trailing behind him. It causes him to walk faster and he doesn't dare to look back.

Eventually, Yuzuru begins running. He's petrified at the thought of someone trailing behind him, wanting to harm him. He runs all the way to Javier's apartment. Once he enters the complex, he starts banging on Javier's door. He can't breathe and he's about to faint. No one opens the door.

The knocks get weaker but are continuous, laced with whispers and pleas spewing from the young boys lips. His vision starts to blacken and he's wheezing heavily. Finally, the door opens. Yuzuru crawls inside and is handed his inhaler by Javier. He frantically takes the inhaler and takes a few puffs to help even out his breathing, then two more to ensure he was alright. It takes him a few moments before he's able to get on his feet.

-

Upon entering the shower, Yuzuru finds no warm bath waiting for him. There's no sweet smelling aromas or lit candles to help him relax. He's simply greeting by 4 cold walls and a door.

While sobbing, he strips down to his bare self. He looks in the mirror and never has he been so disgusted before. In his mind, he says nasty things to himself and it comes to a point where his mind takes control. His eyes scan the bathroom in search of things he can harm himself with. He reaches for Javier's shaving razor and takes it apart. He's secures a blade in between his two fingers and starts to slice away at his thighs. It doesn't hurt. He doesn't care. No one does. He was all alone. After about 10 cuts to each thigh, he drops the razor and enters the shower. Only then does his skin start to burn. He sobs softly as the water hits his thighs. The distraught boy collapses to his knees in the tub, sobbing loudly. Everything hurts and he's really had enough. He'd do anything to be anyone but himself. He didn't want to be the one that everyone hates. He just wants to be loved.

Little did Yuzuru know that Javier's ear was glued to the bathroom door the entire time. He heard everything. He looks away shamefully as he wipes away his tears. His sister was wrong about one thing...Yuzuru was just a victim of circumstance...Javier was the real monster.

-

After his shower and bandaging his thighs, Yuzuru exits the bathroom wearing his pooh pajamas. He walks towards the room he shares with Javier with the utmost fright in his heart. It slowly took over his body as he freezes at the door. What if Javier decides to kick Yuzuru out? Then he's really screwed.

Javier stares at Yuzuru, who seems lost in thought. He clears his throat loudly, causing Yuzuru to turn his glance from the floor to Javier.

"I-is it okay for me to sleep in your home sir...?" He asks, voice shaking with fear. Javier only nods. He moves over for Yuzuru to enter, but Yuzuru stays glued at the door.

It's awkward and silent as the two stare at each other. Yuzuru walks away from the room after closing the door and goes to sleep on the sofa. He didn't want to press his luck. Javier didn't chase after Yuzuru and just went to bed.

Yuzuru uses the pillows as a blanket and curls up as much as he could. Soon, the exhaustion takes over and he falls asleep.

-

The next two weeks went on like this. Yuzuru would walk to practice alone and walk home alone. Patrick never called him and he never heard from Michael since he started online school. Javier still refused to talk to Yuzuru.

For breakfast, Yuzuru would have some noodles since Javi stopped cooking for him and he'd eat lunch in Brian's office since he had more time to train. Brian always brought leftovers for the younger to eat, knowing and understanding the situation Yuzuru was in, thanks to his explanation. Brian arranged for the two to be away from each other on the ice as best as he could, but when competitions are this close, it's crunch time. He's still not going to therapy, though he lies about it.

Brian announces who's going to the Finlandia & NHK competition, since they're a week apart from each other. Yuzuru and Javier are of course going and they'll be forced to share a room together as well.

-

While at home, packing for tomorrow's trip to Finland, Javier starts to speak to Yuzuru again.

"Are you excited to compete again?" He asks, only to receive no reply. Yuzuru has gotten into the habit of not speaking thanks to Javi, therefore it's not an issue not to respond. He simply glances at Javi and continues to pack his things.

"Yuzu..." Javier reaches forward to touch Yuzuru's face, but the younger pulls away. He doesn't feel welcomed or loved anymore.

"I'm sorry.." Javier explains, feeling very guilty. "I just really needed this to myself..." Yuzuru shakes his head.

"That's okay. If I win Finlandia...with the cash prize I'll get my own place so I won't be burden to you.." He bows fully to Javier, to which his hand is grabbed.

"Don't be silly, I don't want you gone. I love you, Yuzuru. Don't forget that...don't leave my apartment." Yuzuru sighs shakily and looks up at Javi. It's the first time they've had a conversation in weeks. He feels like maybe he and Javi still have a chance. Maybe there's still love.

"Can I hug you..? I miss you so much..." The younger asks. A second later, Javier pulls Yuzu into his warm embrace. Suddenly, he feels at home again. Yuzu slowly allows himself to melt into the hug, returning it with just as much passion.

Finally.


	18. {18/?} Plans in Motion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOTE EXPLICIT MATERIAL IN THIS CHAPTER. TRIGGER WARNING AS WELL. 
> 
> So sorry for the delay in updates ^^;; only two more chapters left.

The plane ride to the competition wasn't anything memorable. The two still hadn’t been talking because it was still so awkward. Brian, having no clue that the two somewhat mended, gave  the couple separate seating on the plane. Javier sat next to Nam. Yuzuru sat next to Brian.

“Are things with the two of you better?” Brian asks while trying to get wifi on his phone. Yuzuru simply gives a ‘hm.’ in response. Truth be told, he had no clue himself. Brian started going over the schedule for practices and what was going to take place during the actual competition.

Yuzuru turns his attention to his boyfriend who seemed to be having a ball with Nam.

“Did you hear me? Daisuke won’t be there.” Yuzuru couldn’t help but to frown. He was really looking forward to seeing Daisuke.

“Hai.” He gives yet another short response.

“Are you taking your medicine?” Brian asks in a condescending tone. “Remember our agreement, Hanyu.”

Yuzuru twitches in his seat. Yes, yes. He knows. He hasn’t forgotten. He just hasn’t taken his medication. That’s all. And no one’s been able to tell. He just absolutely hates how Brian would constantly ask him as if he’s a mental patient and not an athlete.

‘And Brian says I lack acting skills in my skating? Hah.’

“Yes, I have.” He responds through gritted teeth. Brian rewards him with a pat to his knee. The teen looks away and rolls his eyes. This was going to be a long plane ride.

 

* * *

 

The [hotel room](http://www.oyster.com/los-angeles/hotels/jw-marriott-hotel-los-angeles-at-l-a-live/photos/deluxe-room-two-double-beds--v750783/) only had two beds in one room. ‘Oh boy.’ Javier thinks. He was hoping to have separate bedrooms.

“I’ll sleeping on sofa, do not worry...” Yuzuru says in a sad tone as he walks past Javier to put his [luggage](http://galleryplus.ebayimg.com/ws/web/310407495786_1_0_1/1000x1000.jpg) down.  And boy did Javi feel like shit.

“No, baby...we can share the room.” But Yuzuru was already leaving to situate himself in his soon to be makeshift room. Javier reaches out and grabs his boyfriend by the waist, pulling him flush against his muscular chest.

Blinking in confusion, Yuzuru looks up at Javier. Javi has a hungry look in his eyes- a look Dai used to have often.

No one does anything for a few moments, and Yuzuru sighs. Once the raven haired teen tries to pull away from Javier, Javier pushes him up against the wall.  A soft gasp escapes the young boy as his back makes contact with the wall. He looks back into Javi’s eyes, only to notice the hunger had been replaced with lust. Before he could make anything of the situation, Javier’s lips came crashing down upon Yuzuru’s. Unable to protest- not that he wanted to anyway- Yuzuru finds himself kissing Javier back with the most desperation and passion he’s ever had.

The kiss gets sloppy as the two start ravaging each other’s mouths. Yuzuru’s arms fly up and Javier takes that as a cue to start peeling off the younger’s clothes. First the shirt comes off, then the pants, and then the boxers. Yuzuru’s hands busied themselves with unbuttoning Javier’s jeans and shoving them down.

Once Javi’s boxers were out of the way, Yuzuru’s hand coiled around his boyfriends hot flesh, tugging and jerking at the hardening limb. Javier’s lips detach from Yuzuru’s lips and begin making purchase on his neck, leaving red and purple bite marks all on the teen’s milky white skin. The teen would squeeze the elder’s length whenever he’d let out a moan, then resume his harsh jerking.

Constant groans would leave Javier as the attention given to his cock started to make his head swim.

“Fuck, Yuzu-” He murmured, hands grasping either side of the 17 year old’s head, pushing him down. Yuzuru willingly falls onto his knees and peppers his boyfriend’s stiff member with kisses, tongue dragging across the tip of Javi’s member and down along the sides teasingly.

The Spaniard presses his palms against the wall, teeth grazing over his lower lip as his boyfriend began to suck on him. His plump lips fit perfectly around the built man’s cock.

Yuzuru’s head bobs in a harmonizing rhythm with Javier’s thrusting, allowing him more pleasure. It continues like this for a few moments before Yuzuru pulls off of Javier with a pop, eyes thirsting for more. He didn’t mind if he didn’t receive any felatio. He just wanted to feel Javier.

And Javier got that message all too clearly.

“I have condoms in my carry-on.” Javier mumbles, leaving the other for a short moment.

Yuzuru offers a small smile as he moved himself over to lie down on the ground, hand resting atop his stomach.

“Do you want preparation?” Javier inquires, accent thick as ever, laced with haste and lust. What a rush.

Yuzuru declines the offer and reaches for Javier to come closer. Javier does so, nudging the younger’s legs apart. With a firm grasp on his member, Javier rubs the head of his member against the others now exposed puckered rose bud. Yuzuru closes his eyes softly and grips Javi’s biceps, his nails piercing through the skin as the pain starts to sear into him.

“A-ahh!” He yelps, feeling as though Javier were ripping him in two. Thank goodness the condom was pre-lubricated or it would've hurt way more.

Soon enough, Javier stopped moving. He was all the way inside and was itching to start moving his hips already. The boy beneath him was already panting and moaning, as well as constantly tightening around Javi’s length.

Javier couldn’t hold back anymore. Immediately he started to pull his length out of Yuzuru, only to ram it back into him harshly. The younger responds with a loud moan that sounds like he just got all the air in his lungs knocked out.

“Jabi- nnh…” Moans continue to spill from the young teen’s mouth; his hands placed on Javier’s, who’s now leaning over him, chest. They lock eyes as their sweaty bodies glide against each other, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the air.

Javier moans too, but not nearly as much as Yuzuru does. Not that it doesn’t feel good, because it does. Javier just needed a way to release his anger and this seemed like the perfect idea.

Yuzuru’s stomach began to knot up, but Javier pulled out of him.

“Get on all 4’s.” What-? What’s 4’s? Yuzuru stared up at Javier, confused.

Gently, Javi turns Yuzu around and pushes his back down, helping him into position. Afterwards, he steps behind Yuzuru and resumes to push his throbbing limb back into his boyfriend.

“Feels good-” Yuzuru murmurs in Japanese as Javier’s rock hard cock slides back into him.

Javier’s arms circle around his lover’s waist and holds him tight as he mercilessly rams into him. Sweat glistens on their bodies as Javier releases into the condom with a single grunt. Yuzuru releases onto the floor, of course with loud cries of pleasure and moans.

Javier pulls out, and lifts Yuzuru into his arms and places him on the bed. He goes to discard of the condom and clean himself up.

Due to exhaustion, Yuzuru falls asleep.

* * *

 

The next day, Yuzuru wakes up to a complete breakfast in bed.

“Jabi-...?” There was a note beside the juice.

{I left to start my training. Eat up and I’ll see you at regular practice! I love you.}

The note warms his heart and he immediately starts getting ready after he finished his breakfast.

* * *

 

Practice for the Finlandia Trophy wasn’t anything too extreme. It was more meant for fun, which is what Brian told the two the night of the competition.

Taking his advice, Yuzuru was able to place 1st, Javier 3rd. The two seemed to be unrealistically close during the awards ceremony. There was lots of skinship and touching on both of their parts.

Finally, the couple seemed happy. Finally.

Next competition is NHK. They’d be flying directly there after the gala the next day. Daisuke will be there.

* * *

 

Day one of training. Yuzuru’s gliding on the ice, practicing his 3 axel as his eyes fall onto his ex boyfriend Daisuke. Daisuke isn’t alone, though. Tatsuki is right beside him. They’re cracking jokes and laughing along with each other. Yuzuru’s blood begins to boil at the sight. That’s supposed to be him alongside Dai, laughing and ruffling his hair. That’s supp-

“Yuzu baby-?” Javi witnessed how Yuzuru was eyeing his ex and it hurt him deeply.

He flashes Javier a fake smile and continues on with his skating.

While practicing, Yuzuru had been trying to find ways to get back with Daisuke. There was only one way he could think of and it’s what he had to use. He was desperate.

* * *

 

The skaters had gathered for dinner at a restaurant paid for by ISU. They took pictures, mingled, etc. There was music, alcohol, and good food. But none of that interested Yuzuru.

He overheard Daisuke talk about his room being on the same floor as Javier’s.

‘The universe is lining this up for me I can’t me-’ His thoughts are interrupted once again.

“Baby, why don’t I order champagne for us tonight? We can take a nice bath together…” Javier tries his best to get Yuzuru to stop thinking about Dai.

“Mmm, sorry I promised Japanese skaters to hang out…” He blatantly lies. He had other motives for tonight.

“Ah. Okay then.” Javier sighs. “I’m heading back to the hotel then, I’m tired.” Yuzuru nodded and waved his boyfriend off without a second thought. Javier knew he’d have to sleep alone tonight, but refused to admit that the other would be pursuing Dai.

“I love you.” He says as he presses a kiss to Yuzu’s head. Yuzuru simply nods.

* * *

 

Pretty soon, everyone started heading back to the hotel and Yuzuru was right behind Daisuke, following him to the elevators and even to his room.

Dai was annoyed with this. He didn’t find it endearing. It annoyed him.

“Hanyu, seriously enough. You’ve been following me since I got here!” Daisuke turns on his heels to scold the younger, but Yuzuru shushes him with a kiss to the lips.

“Don’t make a scene, let’s go inside- You wouldn’t want the other skaters to wake up and see this mh? You can’t afford another scandal. I’ll cry wolf and say you forced me into your room drunkenly if you don’t let me in, Daisuke.”

Daisuke rolls his eyes and entered his room, not even giving Yuzuru much attention.

“Ah, you’ve still got some sense.” He smiles, crooked. Daisuke- I’m…  I don’t know to say this but I want-..I need you back. Please, Dai…” The elder laughs hysterically. What in the actual fuck does Yuzuru expect to happen?

“Get out. You nearly ruin my career and now you- no. Just get the hell out. You’re probably off your meds again. I don’t have time for psychos these days, sorry hun.”

Ah, but Yuzu had came prepared for this. This was Daisuke’s soft spot. He had no trouble manipulating the other. With a psychotic smirk, he pulls out a razor he had stored in his pant pocket. He holds the razor to his arm, angling down.

“Don’t take me back and I’ll kill myself right here. In YOUR room. Think I wont?” He inches down, drawing blood on the surface of his skin. “Say no. I dare you.”

Daisuke hesitates. Yuzuru wasn’t joking. He’d done it before. Many times. He couldn’t take the fall for Yuzuru’s suicide. He couldn’t afford another scandal, he really couldn’t.

What’s a man to do in a situation like this? He lets out a defeated sigh, eyes glancing over at Yuzuru.

“Fine. Come to bed, then.” He simply says, walking out.

Success.

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	19. {19/19} Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the Journey!!!! I hope you guys liked it! Thank you so much for staying with me during the Journey! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! I love you all <3 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!

 

A soft sigh leaves Daisuke’s lips as he sat on top of his hotel room bed. Yuzuru was looking around, touching things Dai wished he wouldn’t, and making comments about how Dai’s room is bigger and there’s only one person in it. Blah blah, complaining. Dai wasn’t in the mood for it. He wanted the boy to just shut his mouth.

“Why are you here.” He finally asks, interrupting Yuzuru who was midway through making a comment about the coloring of the room.

“Why wouldn't I be here? I waited so long just to see you...You skipped a competition, so I had to wait even longer. That wasn't very fair to me, Dai.” The young boy had made his way to sit besides Daisuke who was making all sorts of annoyed faces. Still, Dai showed no interest in what Yuzuru had to say.

“I’m turning 18 soon..” Yuzuru tries to liven up the conversation as best he could.

“Oh.” Is all he receives in response. What? Was he expecting that saying that would make Dai want to take him back? Hah.

“Mmm...that means that I could be your boyfriend again...isn't that great?” Dai’s face twisted the most it’s ever done at that point in the conversation.

“And what makes you think I want you back, Hanyu?” He responds in a cold tone of voice, eyeing his ex with a curious expression on his face.

“I-...” Oh, that stung. It stung quite badly. “I love you, still...” Yuzuru croaks, gaze now fixed on the ground.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend now? Javier? You’re really prepared to hurt him over something that’ll never happen in a million years?” Dai rolled his eyes. Pathetic.

“Why do you keep denying that you love me? You know you do...if you didn’t, you’d just kick me out Daisuke.”

“That’s because I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. I can’t look at you. I can’t stand the thought of you. The mere reminder of your existence makes me cringe. I just don’t need you pulling more shit on me, and you’re a good fuck. That’s why.” He tops off his cruel words with a shrug.

Yuzuru’s left there, flabbergasted. Sure, he’d expected Daisuke to be harsh and rude, but...that was just heartless.

“Daisuke...can you just pretend you care about me just for tonight..?” Yuzuru asks, voice small and ridden with shakiness.

“I never said I didn't care about you,” He retorts quickly. “I simply don’t want romantic involvement with you...”

“You did say that you didn't care- or you implied it...I just want a friend tonight...just sex with no strings attached...just a friend...”

“You’re not capable of not attaching strings Yuzuru. You’re just not...” While Dai was speaking, Yuzuru had been inching closer to Dai’s face. He knew Dai wanted him sexually. That was his angle.

Caving just slightly, Dai grabs Yuzuru’s face and presses a soft kiss to Yuzuru’s lips. Instant gratification.

The younger of the two moves to straddle Dai’s lap, leaning into the kiss as if his life depended on it.

A few neck kisses and hip gropings later, the two remove their clothes. Standing naked in front of each other, Dai takes hold of Yuzuru’s shoulders and lies him on the sofa.

“If it’s one thing I’ve missed, it’s this...” Dai mumbles into Yuzuru’s ear as he spreads his legs. “I don’t wanna go all the way Dai...your fingers are as far as I’ll go...” He clears his throat. “Good because I’m far too tired to have full on sex...” He smiles at the broken teen.

He pushes a digit into Yuzuru’s mouth and lets his finger soak up the moisture. Once wet enough, he pulls the digit from Yuzuru’s mouth. The tip of the elder’s finger circles around the rim of Yuzuru’s asshole, and pushes past the tight bundle of muscle.

Yuzuru immediately tenses as Dai’s finger comes in contact with his no no square.

“Relax for me...” Dai hums while lightly caressing Yuzuru’s cut thighs. Yuzuru nods softly and does his best to do what’s asked of him. Once he was relaxed enough, Daisuke resumes thrusting his digit in and out of the young male.

“O-oh...” Yuzuru bites over his lower lip and arches his back, a hand falling to toy with his needy cock. His warm hand coils around the reddened flesh and starts to jerk at it quite quickly. He loved how Daisuke knew exactly how to touch him. There was no experimenting. They just got to it.

“Your body always reacted quickly to my touches...” Dai said proudly, continuing his work with the younger.

Pretty soon, Yuzuru spilled his seed like an over flowing cup of water.

After calming himself, Yuzuru stands and seductively invites Dai to the bathroom to finish him off. The night consisted of a bath, blow jobs, and intense make out sessions. It came to an end when Yuzuru noticed the time.

—

Sneaking in on his tiptoes, Yuzuru slips back into his shared hotel room with Javier. Luckily for him, Javier had been asleep.

It continued on like this for the next few days. Yuzuru would lie about his whereabouts to Javier to fuck around with Dai. Javier had an idea that Yuzuru wasn’t being faithful...he even started to smell different.

It stopped once they returned to Canada to train, but as soon as they boarded the plane for the GPF, Yuzuru changed.

On the day of the free skate for the GPF, Javier figured he had enough. Angry and anxious, he camped out in front of the front door from 3 AM to 5 AM to see where Yuzuru would be coming out of.

Almost giving up, Javier stands on his feet. Yuzuru probably wasn’t lying. Just then, he hears a door open and close. He quickly snaps his head to see what door just opened and to his surprise, he sees Yuzuru kiss Daisuke longingly. He seems like he doesn’t want to let go. He never kisses Javier that way.

Daisuke’s hands come down Yuzuru’s body and grope his ass before sending him off. Javier watches this all in horror. Smiling dumbly while walking back, Yuzuru didn't notice Javier standing right there watching him.

Javier had been able to go back inside undetected. Yuzuru slipped into the hotel room and leans against the door. Finally, he noticed Javi staring at him.

“Baby~ hi.” He waves a bit, a childlike smile on his face.

“Where were you?” Javier crosses his arms, evidently angry.

Yuzuru’s childlike features drop and he balls his fists. “Stop asking me where I am!!! It’s super annoying me and I don’t like!! Can’t you see?!” Yuzuru’s shouting helped no one. “I told you I was with David! Talking!”

“At 5 AM? Really? Did you redo your whole entire choreography? Was it that important that you stayed out past 5? Really? Really.” The questions stopped sounding like questions— because they weren't.

Oh— now Yuzuru was upset.  
“I went to hang out with Kanako-chan...Javier I’m 17. I can going out if I wanna! I’m not your

small?.... bitch!”  
“Oh, shut your fucking face, kid. I know you were with Daisuke.”  
Yuzuru shakes his head and walks towards Javi with a sexual look on his eyes. “You little disgusting diablo-“ Javier growls as Yuzuru stops in his tracks.  
“Javi- I-” He panics.

“No! Don’t fucking lie to me anymore!” He shouted, the anger ripping at his hear. “You think I didn’t see you?! Kissing him?! The way he touched your ass?! You’re cheating on me!”

“Javi- please listen! I- I love him! I can’t help it! But I love you t-” Javier’s hand quickly claps against Yuzuru’s face, viciously, cutting him off. The sound echoed through the hotel room as Yuzuru cups his cheek.

“I don’t want to hear your shit anymore! You’re not the innocent broken boy I thought you were! Your thighs are muy disgusting just like your horrible personality!” Boy, was the accent thick. “I regret being nice to you! I regret so much meeting you! Puta sucia!” He curses in Spanish, red in the face. “Now I know why Daisuke hates you! Why Morozov hates you!”

Yuzuru looks at him as if he’s lost all hope in the world. He’s nothing to say. “I’m sorry...”

“No. No keep your stupid apologies. I am DONE with you. Finito. It is over between us. We’re over. I’m breaking up with you.” And with that, Javier grabs his phone and wallet and storms out of the room.

“Who the hell did Javier think he was? Did he think he was that special? He was just a filler while Daisuke was gone.” Yuzuru says out loud in his native tongue. He laughs. “I played him and he’s upset he didn't catch on sooner...tch. Not my fault he was so desperate for someone to love him. Now he knows how I feel.” He shrugs and stands, going to find Dai again because, well— he’s a single man now.

While walking down the hall, the back of Yuzuru’s knee is kicked in, causing him to collide with the floor with an “AH!”

“You never fucking called, Hanyu.”

Without turning around, Yuzuru already knew who it was. That annoying nasal voice. Ugh.

The person grabs Yuzuru’s hair and pulls him up.

“Fucking answer me. You think you can run from me so easily? I’ll fucking ruin you!”

Just as Yuzuru opens his mouth, Patrick is shoved away by Daisuke.

“Don’t push him around.” Daisuke growls, helping Yuzuru up.

“D-Daisuke...he stole you from me! I liked you first...”

“But I don’t like you. So just go away. And if I ever catch you harassing him again, I’ll snap your neck in a second.”

The threat was enough to send patrick running away and crying like a little bitch.

Yuzuru looks up at Daisuke and smiles. “You do love me...” Yuzuru throws himself into Dai's arms but Dai cannot lie to him any longer. Seeing Patrick hurting Yuzuru because of him was the final straw and he decides to tell Yuzuru everything in that moment.

Daisuke bites over his lower lip and looks away. “There’s something you should know...” Yuzuru nods and looks at Daisuke, fearful. “What is it?”

“Before I say what it is, I just hope you’ll be able to forgive me...” He clears his throat. “The reason I became close to you was because I wanted to mentor you...for some reason, Morozov didn't like how determined you were and wanted me to get involved with you. He forced me to act as though I had feelings for you so I could lure you in. When we started dating, things were going well. But my knee started to get worse and Morozov feared that you could easily out beat me...so he started to make me act like a complete asshole to you and physically abuse you. He manipulated me into thinking that hurting you was what was best for me. The truth is...he wanted to break you. Ruin you. Destroy you. And I helped him do it. There was never any love or feelings...I’m sorry...”

Yuzuru gulps softly and nods. The information was far too much for him to take in. “You never liked me not even a little...?” Yuzuru asks, voice small.

“There was no room to like you...it was all business...now that you know...maybe we could be friends?”

“Oh...” “Oh?”

Yuzuru smiles softly and stands. “I have to go help Javi with something. Thank you for telling me!”

Before Daisuke is permitted a chance to speak, Yuzuru’s gone. —

“It’ll be easy...just this time for real.” He tells himself, staring at the handful of pills. There’s oxycontin, Xanax, Prozac, Lunesta, and extra strength Advil, all from Javier’s bag, sitting right in Yuzuru’s palm.

He swallows a couple of pills, then sips water, and repeats the cycle until all pills are swallowed. He sits on the bathroom floor, tears rolling down his face. He was played.  
—

Coming in from booking a separate hotel room, Javier comes home to a thrashed hotel room and his bag inside out. “NIce. Fucking immature kid.” He sighs and reaches for his bag, noticing that a few things are missing. Furrowing his brows, he calls out Yuzuru’s name.

No response.

“Fuck!” He shouts, fishing out his phone from his pocket and calling paramedics. He bursts through the bathroom door to find Yuzuru with white foam coming from his mouth. He does his best to try to get the younger to vomit the pills but its no use.

In no time, the paramedics enter the hotel room and cart Yuzuru away to the hospital. —

After a few hours of IV fluids and successful stomach pumps, Yuzuru was awake now. Daisuke had even texted him, apologizing like crazy and promising him a new start as a couple. Daisuke did love Yuzuru. He just didn't know it yet.

Javier was the first person Yuzuru saw when he woke up. He, too, apologized and promised Yuzuru to try to be friends.

He promised Brian to get institutionalized for as long as needed to get better— not that Brian gave him much of a choice.

The fact of the matter is that Yuzuru is going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay.

Okay?


End file.
